All this talking is only bravado.

This morning I wrote about control. I don't like that word, control. It suggests an exertion of power, which is not what I am looking for. Rather, to choose. To start again, and to mke a choice. That every moment is a moment to make a choice, to make a helpful (not "correct") choice.

Huffing as I am walking up the stairs at school is not something I approve of. I will take the stairs, I will not take the elevator, not yet. This remains a choice I can make.

I made cookies this morning, for others. Not for me. I ate one, to see what it tastes like, and that is all.

Yesterday I made unfortunate choices. Two snack bags of Doritos. A very large breakfast. I had a bowl of cereal before sleep, what was the point of that? There is no balance. These are not choices. This is a form of power, my id forcing itself on my ego.

Exercising is also a choice, and one I have made for this morning.

Also, I got my glasses repaired yesterday. Didn't even cost anything. That was a happy thing. More happy things.

Distance: 3.1 miles
Duration: 32:08
Pace: 10:22
Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 34°
Climate: overcast & chilly
Mood: all right?
Weight: 178.5 lbs. (+1.5) 

Nice, easy run. Perfect temperature for the gear I was wearing. Gentle steps. My knees hurt, both of them. Not where they bend, but on top, where they struck the pavement. But running aggravates that, too.

Life is beginning again. Life is always beginning again.

Intake

Breakfast: coffee (3x), cookie (1, a tester)

Lunch: turkey leg, green beans, cookie (1, to enjoy)

Snack: banana half

Happy Hour: beer (1x)

Dinner: mushroom & tofu teriyaki stir fry over rice

Cocktail: Od Fashioned

Also: fizzy water (1x)

See? Choice. Decision.

What's That Lyric?

Tinseltown in the Rain - The Blue Nile

Let me be used.

Thank you, Mr. Sondheim.

Home safe and sound. A low-key run around the pond and back. The ground was damp, but not slippery in any way. I have been achy since I toook my fall the other day. Not the 37 year old man I was when I started this blog.

Using my last pair of glasses, they're plastic, black and blocky. Stupid glasses. Oh, well.

Distance: 2.5 miles
Duration: 24.29 
Pace: 9:48
Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 35°
Climate: cold & damp
Mood: all right

Sondheim Playlist

Being Alive - Raul Esparza

Together Wherever We Go - Bernadette Peters

Sooner or Later - Madonna

America - Rita Moreno

Married Today - Madeline Kahn

The Ballad of Sweeney Todd - Michael Cerveris

The voices ring in my head.

We were on our feet all day yesterday, and it was joyous. This year was the first year we prepared a Thankgiving dinner in our home. Ever! Normally we would be in Athens or Lakewood (Lakewood now relegated to memory) or maybe even Minnesota Last year we ordered a pandemic meal from chef Doug Katz.

Pies were baked, sides prepared, and a very well executed turkey, thanks to our son who created and amazing butter mixture to place under the skin. It took all day, we dined at nine. No regrets.

Distance: 1 miles
Duration: 9 minutes
Temperature: 32°

The boy and I set out for a five mile run to and through the cemetery. A little after the one mile mark we encountered a familiar (to me) puddle at the bade of a rise in the turf. I ran up the little hill, as I have in the past, but it was to slippery and a lost my balance. I tried to control my descent but caught the ground with (as I have assessed) my left knee, my right fist, and my face.

My glasses broke, my hands hurt, and my cheek and temple are tender. When I hit I heard a "crunch" which I was afraid might be my skull, but it was just the glasses. They may be repairable, I'm supposed to get new specs at the end of the month.

I rolled onto my back and laughed, I threw my hand up for my son to take. He told me he was afraid at first I put my arm out because I had broken it. I was just saying, "Okay! I'm out!" It hurt. I was wet. It could have been much worse.

Thankful to be whole. Wish I didn't have to go to the show tonight, I'm afraid I'm going to have a bruise. Ah, vanity.

What's That Lyric?

Let Go - Gabriel & Dresden

You're lucky to be alive.

The weather turns, I lose interest. Worse, my diet has been terrible. Sorry. It has been terrible. Since before Halloween I have consumed so much sugar. Also, many fast food stops. 

Like, too many fast food stops. I discovered the Arby's across from the building where I take classes. I mean, it's always been there, but who the fuck would go in? me, that's who. Once I got it into my head. Do you know how terrible that food is? Absurd, I need to cut that shit out.

Sugar, grease. And I can feel it in my mouth. The flesh on my tongue becomes sore. It's awful. I need fresh food. Fresh. Food. Fruit, vegetables. Good things! That is how I ate for most of the last year, suddenly, who cares?

And zero exercise. My nights have been terrible. I take melatonin, and when I do sleep, it is deep an full of crazy dreams. But I wake up half a dozen times. Sore, needing to roll over. I only just realized that maybe it is due to the fact that I am no longer exercising, not at all.

I had to teach the past two mornings. Four classes, back to back. Instructing large classes, and acting, too. Last night I slept well, because I had been on my feet.

So, running it is. Let's run.

Distance: 3.1 miles
Duration: 31:28
Pace: 10:09
Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 62°
Climate: overcast & breezy
Mood: weak
Weight: 177 lbs. (+1.5)

Good day for running, but my legs are shaking. Worn out, tired, unhappy. I hit a deer with my car last night. There are other reasons this day sucks, closer to home.

Intake

Breakfast: squash chili & rice, coffee (3x)

Lunch: TBA

Dinner:  TBA

What's That Lyric?

Polyester Bride - Liz Phair