My head’s so clear.

Okay, I did it. An hour-long playlist featuring one track from every single Everything But the Girl LP. That's including from Worldwide.* 

Distance: 3 miles

Duration: 25:53

Everything But the Girl Workout Playlist

Five Fathoms (Kevin Yost Everything & a Groove Mix)
Fascination 

Nothing Left to Lose (Extended Club Mix)

When All's Well

Rollercoaster (King Britt Scuba Remix)

Route: rec center
Temperature: 35°
Climate: partly cloudy
Mood: get it

A few days off become anxious, I have been neglectful, and there is so much to do. I need to re-collect. Last night we were back in town, had dinner with old friends. Tonight my slate is clean, but that also requires planning and preparation.

Make. Clean. Do. Read. Write. These are things I enjoy. Feel good. It will feel alright.

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 165 lbs.

Planks: yes
Push-ups: yes

Sit-Ups: yes

*Two tracks from Temperamental to make it an hour, and nothing from their eponymous American debut because it is mostly identical to their UK debut Eden.

When it rains it rains all the colors in my paintbox.

shadow combover

We rest. We read. We write. We breathe. We drink water. We plot. We scheme. We live. We love. We view. We cook. We dine. We try. We try so hard. We try so very hard. We tell our stories. We create.

Distance: 3.1 miles
Duration: 28:44
Pace: 9:16

We take the bus. If there is no reason to have a car available during the day, we take the bus. It has been the summer of bus. Takes twice as long as driving, but in that time I can read, or think. It’s better for the environment. It’s going that way, anyhow, why not get on board?

Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 73°
Climate: misty & light rain
Mood: all right?

We work. We make dinner. We pack lunch. We dine together. We talk. We watch TV together. We sleep well. It gets cooler, now the rains. The leaves begin to turn. The last official month of summer begins today. One more month, but it's already gone.

But that's okay. We like the the fall. Fall is for endings, but it's for beginnings, too.

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 162 lbs.(-0-)

My right heel. Still. Tight, I do stretches, the first quarter mile is still so difficult, then it eases off. I need some PT, this just isn't going away on its own.

Planks: yes
Push-ups: yes

Sit-Ups: yes

155-164 BPM Playlist

Ballet For a Rainy Day - XTC

Black Star - Radiohead

Lost Track - Haim

A Bar Song (Tipsy) - Shaboozey

Giving Up On You - Wild Belle

Classical Gas - Mason Williams

She's Tight - Cheap Trick

Sleepless - Soul Coughing

Boo'ed Up (Remix) - Ella Mai ft. Nicki Minaj & Quavo

That's good bpm.

Out of time on the highway to never.

I think I said something.

The second week. Different guests. different vibe. The weather remains ideal. Things are different this year, and by that I mean I am different. I seem to remember being a bit irritated by little things last time; that chairs that weren't pushed in, the glasses and cans that were left about.

Sometimes people take care of these things themselves if you leave them alone for a little. Sometimes you just take care of them yourself and that's okay, too.  

Seriously, these recent memories of times ten years ago have had a profound effect on me, on my appreciating the way things are for us now.

Distance: 3.5 miles
Duration: 32:19
Pace: 9:14

How is my diet? Good, I think. I am trying not to think too hard about what I am eating, nor how much. Certainly there are more desserts (dessert is not a usual thing most days) but even these are taken in moderation. There are an abundance of Doritos, because it is vacation, and also a lot of alcohol. Is it a lot of alcohol? Moxie & rum is a favorite. 

Route: Martin Point Run
Temperature: 75°
Climate: sunny & humid
Mood: very good
Stretches: yes
Water: yes

Planks: yes

Pushups: yes

BorderLight | Fringe Unleashed Playlist

Love Come Down (DJ Nipper Remix) - Evelyn "Champagne" King

Love Tonight - Shouse

My House - Purple Disco Machine

Ocean Drive (Purple Disco Machine Extended Mix) - Duke Dumont

On My Mind (Purple Disco Machine Remix) - Diplo ft. Sidepiece

I'm enjoying this playlist a lot.

Move it nice and sweet and sexy.

The other night I had a lovely conversation with the wife, and for some reason I mentioned running and how much I love it. We were talking about our general health and I recalled that day's exercise and I was overcome with how much I enjoy moving through space like that. And it's silly, to just run. "What is the point?" folks ask. And it is truly an end unto itself. Just being ambulatory in that way.

Distance: 3 miles

Duration: 25:22

Mood: Driven
Stretches: yes
Water: yes

Weight: 161 lbs.

1993 Playlist

If - Janet Jackson

Are You Gonna Go My Way - Lenny Kravitz

Where I’m From - Digable Planets

Jump Around - House of Pain

Show Me Love - Robin S

Who Am I (What’s My Name) - Snoop Dogg

I Like To Move It - Reel 2 Real ft. The Mad Stuntmen

Take it up a notch.

Day three. The thing about drinking, I can come in from outside and think, what will I drink? And then I remind myself -- oh, nothing! Then I don't have to think about it.

I also think of snacks, until I remind myself that I'm not having snacks, and I think of something else.

I'm not saying any of this is easy. What I'm saying is I think these things. It's amazing how much I think about snacking or drinking. I am probably bored. Not drinking or snacking probably makes me look at my phone more. I need to look at more books.

Distance: 5 miles
Duration: 48:01
Pace: 9:36

Christ, yesterday's run made me knees hurt. I finally got a second knee compression bandage. They match. It's better that way. More support for me knees helps.  

Last night we were invited to a dance part at Casa -- our child invited us to a dance party. They are so cool. We danced. But I didn't dance too much, I didn't want to tax my legs any further, and anyway, they did a poll a couple years ago that says that men should stop dancing publicly when they turn thirty and I support that. The wife thinks that poll is nonsense, but come on, no one wants to see that shit.

2010 Playlist

Dancing On My Own - Robyn

Lights - Ellie Goulding

Bang Bang - Mark Ronson ft. The Business Intl & MNDR)

Pow Pow - LCD Soundsystem

TiK ToK - Ke$ha

Change of Time - Josh Ritter

Moves Like Jagger - Maroon 5 ft. Christina Aguilera

Burn It Down - Sims

Infinity Guitars - Sleigh Bells

Mr. Saxobeat - Alexandra Stan

Shake It Up - Selena Gomez

Hello (Club Edit) - Martin Solveig ft. Dragonette

Route: Hocking River Bike Path
Temperature: 58°
Climate: sunny & warm
Mood: better

Good day. Hearty brunch, visited an artist show upstairs at the Union and got a trio of candles (among others things). Relaxation has been hard for me, it's not been a great couple of weeks, mental health speaking. But today I am feeling much better.

Stretches: yes
Water: yes

Brunch: coffee, OJ, chicken & waffles

Happy Hour: Coke over ice
Dinner: popcorn

Gorgeous day by the river, lots of runners, walkers, cyclists. How could I not run five miles?

Replace us with the things that do the job better.

DM me for the phone number.

I’ve become a slow walker. I think it has something to do with my son graduating from high school. I have walked all ways with a certain urgency, like I’m late, or I desire to be early.

Now that I am no longer in a rush to get home, to take someone to practice, or to attend some school related event, I am working into my amble.

I’m not annoyingly slow, I still get there. But I feel a lot more relaxed.

Distance: 1 mile

Duration: 9:06

Route: one time around the block 

Temperature: 55°
Climate: overcast & cool

Mood: good

 

Brisk run, feeling good. I think? Yesterday was disturbing in a number of ways. They are things that happened to me, at close range, not things I did. So I can be circumspect, but it's hard when something goes off in your face like that.

Too vague? Can't not be. Why can't everyone be as well adjusted and competent as I am?

 
Stretches: yes
Abdominals: tbd

Upper body: 10 reps. (2x)
Water: yes

Breakfast: coffee w/cream, fresh cherry, blueberry, strawberry, banana with granola and yogurt

Lunch: pasta w/black eyed peas & kale

Porch Hour: ice coffee w/ milk & sugar, flavored almonds & dried cranberries 

Dinner: ramen w/chicken & fried egg

Baseline: 195 lbs.

Current: 173 lbs. (-0.5)

Goal: 170 lbs.

What's That Lyric?

Huarache Lights - Hot Chip

All this talking is only bravado.

This morning I wrote about control. I don't like that word, control. It suggests an exertion of power, which is not what I am looking for. Rather, to choose. To start again, and to mke a choice. That every moment is a moment to make a choice, to make a helpful (not "correct") choice.

Huffing as I am walking up the stairs at school is not something I approve of. I will take the stairs, I will not take the elevator, not yet. This remains a choice I can make.

I made cookies this morning, for others. Not for me. I ate one, to see what it tastes like, and that is all.

Yesterday I made unfortunate choices. Two snack bags of Doritos. A very large breakfast. I had a bowl of cereal before sleep, what was the point of that? There is no balance. These are not choices. This is a form of power, my id forcing itself on my ego.

Exercising is also a choice, and one I have made for this morning.

Also, I got my glasses repaired yesterday. Didn't even cost anything. That was a happy thing. More happy things.

Distance: 3.1 miles
Duration: 32:08
Pace: 10:22
Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 34°
Climate: overcast & chilly
Mood: all right?
Weight: 178.5 lbs. (+1.5) 

Nice, easy run. Perfect temperature for the gear I was wearing. Gentle steps. My knees hurt, both of them. Not where they bend, but on top, where they struck the pavement. But running aggravates that, too.

Life is beginning again. Life is always beginning again.

Intake

Breakfast: coffee (3x), cookie (1, a tester)

Lunch: turkey leg, green beans, cookie (1, to enjoy)

Snack: banana half

Happy Hour: beer (1x)

Dinner: mushroom & tofu teriyaki stir fry over rice

Cocktail: Od Fashioned

Also: fizzy water (1x)

See? Choice. Decision.

What's That Lyric?

Tinseltown in the Rain - The Blue Nile

Get started. Get stupid.

Keep going.

Last year I ran twenty-six times in June. And I hurt myself. I don't even remember that. My hip was in pain. I think that was the result of running every single day. It was a mania, I guess. I was then, as now, trying to slim down to a manageable size. I was 185 lbs. in June. I was able to drop another five pounds, but then put it all back on by the holidays.

Running every day, I didn't write about it. Too busy? In quarantine? I had nothing to say? It was a difficult, depressing time.

Not that tings are rosy and bright. But they are better. I was exposed to lots of hillbillies this weekend. Really testing the limits of this vaccine.

I have been in a creative frenzy this past year, too. The writing, the schoolwork, all the Zoom productions. But I'd like to make exercise something that is part of my head, what I think about, and not just something I do and get over with, to try not to think about. Some of my favorite moomenst I am thinking about running. Or actually running.

Distance: 4 miles
Duration: 37:54
Pace: 9:27
Route: Hocking River Bike Path
Temperature: 67°
Climate: sunny & nice
Mood: good, you know?

My current mental exercise in delayed gratification. I will be eating X later, so I will not eat Y right now. If I did this on Noob (or whatever it's called) I could find out exactly what the calories are in X vs. Y, too. For now, I choose to be merely mindful.

It's not really a diet. I am not eating different. Just less grazing. 

Intake:
Breakfast: coffee (2x) 
Lunch: General Tso's Tofu

Snack: deviled eggs, tapanade w/crackers

Dinner: cheeseburger, onion rings, milkshake

Also, Manhattan (1x)

Okay, holiday's over.

2003 Playlist

Transatlanticism - Death Cab for Cutie

Crazy In Love  - Beyoncé ft. Jay-Z

Toxic - Britney Spears

Let's Get It Started (Spike Mix) - Black Eyed Peas

We Will Become Silhouettes - Postal Service

Seven Nation Army - White Stripes

Move Your Feet - Junior Senior

Hey Ya! - OutKast

Emerge - Fischerspooner

The year 2003 was a big year for me, aurally. We had discovered iTunes. I was listening to Radio K. And then there was the girl. All the music that emerged from being a new father, the father of a living child. It was a rebirth. The latest rebirth.

Look at me, I'm happy.

Gym Pro: Moderate temperature on a cold rainy day, no inclines.

Gym Con: BORING.

Distance: 3 miles
Route: Rec Center
Mood: all right, actually
Exercises: yes

Visited a urologist, on my doctor's recommendation. Still waiting for the results. They may be not good or very not  good or nothing at all. WebMD says I have cancer.

And if you think I think that's a joke, you are terribly mistaken. Welcome to the fifties.

Baseline: 179.5 lbs.
Today: 178 lbs. (-0.5)
Goal: 175 lbs.

The boy and I went to the gym, him working out with his arm cast, me making my way around the track. Between each mile I did a few reps at a few machines, which is a good thing to do.

1988 Playlist
Wild Wild West - Kool Moe Dee
Pop Song 89 (acoustic) - R.E.M.
Don't Worry Be Happy - Boby McFerrin
Birth, School, Work Death - The Godfathers
Suedehead - Morrissey
Goodbye Sunday - Everything But the Girl
Walk the Dinosaur - Was Not Was

Visit my Team Challenge Crohn's & Colitis page and support my bid for the Chicago Marathon!

Crack another cerveza.

I do not know where to begin, so I will just say I stopped running. That statement is as final as anything else. For twenty years, beginning on treadmills at a gym in early 1998 to the New York Marathon to happily exploring the streets of my city, to running with my children, I have been running several times a week.

I have been fat and I have been very thin. I have listened to contemporary music and I have been immersed in songs from the past. I have been injured, I have gotten better. I have always wanted to run, even when I didn't want to run, I wanted to run.

I haven't really felt like running lately.

Or maybe I have, I don't know. The sciatica/hip-and-ass thing has put me into a foul mood. If I run, I hurt. Easy as that. Hurt to sit at work, hurt to drive my car, hurt to sit i a theater and watch movies or theater. Not running, I do not hurt. At least, not often.

Also, I have been writing. Free-writing, every fucking morning. I mean, every fucking, goddamn morning I move a pen in my hand and write. And I clean house, I work and take care of my home and family. Taking solitary exercise time for myself no longer feels appropriate.

Oh, and I hate running at the gym. Hate is a strong work. It does not inspire me. It is not what I call running.

So, I have not made tracks in nearly two months. That's some kind of record. It's not a good one. I say all this but I am not okay with all of this. Turning fifty was not supposed to mark the end of my running days. I am supposed to run until I die. I have to run until I die.

Distance: 2.25 miles
Route: Hocking River Bike Path
Temperature: 58 degrees

It had occurred to me, in packing for the week, that I might run every day. Why not? I used to. What have I done instead? Worked on the draft of a new, commissioned work. Saw three movies. Spent long afternoons in restaurants with family, Cooked a dinner. Did a jigsaw puzzle with my wife.

Which of these, how many of these, should I have not done in order to make time to run? Any of them? How about none of them. No regrets.

Climate: damp but nice
Mood: determined?
Exercises: a little

The boy came with me, with a dirt bike, but I asked him to go on ahead. He's too big and strong to pace me -- he goes too fast. I had only planned to go two miles, but told him to wait for me too far out, I had to wave him back.

Starting out, my back hurt, that sorted itself out. I was just winded. I have gained weight. I will check in on New Year's, and resolve to slowly work back to 160. I assume that's twenty pounds. I haven't weighed myself in months.

Resolutions must be made. Big bad year ahead of us.

What's That Lyric?
The Spot - Your Smith

Let my mind do the walking.

Graphic: Butcher Billy

So she asks, what goes on in your head when you run? Do you just zone out, or ..? And I tell her, No! Running is when it all happens, that's when I am free to think. I have directed entire scenes in my head when running, and written scenes, made mental and emotional connections, even with music blasting through my 'phones, because of it, often.

I had forgotten. It's not just the emotional uplift, it's not just the heart and the muscles and everything. It's the way my brain works when I am running that is so important, so necessary. Making time for running is so necessary.

Distance: 3.6 miles
Route: Forest Hill Loop

Today was the first Saturday in many, many weekends when I had no responsibilities, no meetings, no events. And I took it, I worked in the yard for hours, and I completed one major project. There are so many others, but if I can complete one at a time - plan, procure, prepare and execute - I can keep my feelings high.

We live here, and we love living here. Improving on the house and the yard is a gift to everyone here, and to my neighborhood and community. I do try.

Temperature: 64°
Climate: humid, beautiful evening
Mood: all right

Also, the tile work in the kitchen. We had a guy come in, he did a great job. I look at the mess in my backyard, but then I look at the garage, then the deck. We move slowly but we move. So much has to do with the kids. Now that they're more independent, there's more time for that kind of thing.

Speaking of which, the girl and I started watching Stranger Things together. She's thinking of going as Eleven for Halloween.

What's That Lyric?
World In My Eyes - Depeche Mode

Feeling somewhat winded tonight, but it was not bad. Big family barbeque at the pavilion. Open, clear skies. Now that rehearsals are complete for the residency I may be able to create a more regular pattern of exercise.

Interlude

"Run I" by Sol Lewitt (1962)

Did you know ..? I actually started this blog in 2005. I had been applied to the New York Marathon (I would not make the lottery regardless) and started training in earnest, even running a spring 5 mile in Akron before getting sidelined by a bizarre work-related injury (don't ask) and suffering a hairline fracture in my right heel.

I tried to ignore the pain, and pretend it was like a bruise or something, and ended up developing a lot of additional injuries as a result of trying to run anyway, and pulling a hamstring and just generally not being able to walk very well.

I assisted my son's childbirth on a broken heel. I performed I Hate This a few times like that. It took several months before finally seeing a doctor and getting recommended physical therapy.

Anyway, I had started this blog, but stopped, as I stopped running, because what I had to write was depressing me and a pathetic way to start. I tried recording my runs again in January, 2006, and have never stopped since.

Sunday I reported, "I got a kink in my ankle." Well, by that evening it had gotten worse, feeling less like a slight twist, and something more like a stress fracture. It just hurt to put direct pressure onto my heel. I have made it through the week with pain reliever and ice, and the pain has subsided from it's height on Monday.

However, last night it felt as though I was on the mend, as they say. The pain had localized, it was in one spot and I had nearly convinced myself that this was just some kind of sprain, and that perhaps I could resume running soon. I did some light foot stretches and believed that that was helping. Friday I would run! This morning it still feels as though my entire ankle is messed up and I have to walk carefully upon it.

I remember that madness which possessed me, eleven years ago. It was spring, and then summer, good weather, and I was unable to run. I would try anyhow (this was long before I was even very good at it) and compensate by running lightly on my injured foot, and as a result totally messing up the rest of my body.

It was months before I sought physical therapy. Just a stubborn man. I tried calling the other morning but their service never picked up. I believe I need professional advice and therapy, and will do the mature thing by calling the doctor today.

Last weekend the wife and I took our (postponed) wedding anniversary by visiting the art museum and an extended walkabout the Uptown district for dinner, dessert and drinks.

The image above is from the Converging Lines: Eva Hesse & Sol Lewitt exhibit, now through July 31.

Give me light, give me action.

Iguazu Falls

Still taking it easy, not clocking my time this week. Feeling better,much better, but also weak. Weather is not helping. Wish it weren't so cool. My mind retreats, reading a new book now, also thinking of a certain time in a certain place, who I was, who I wanted to be.

Working some new writing. Thinking, playing, tossing ideas back and forth with myself. Free writing, or just thinking. Divorcing myself from social media, as best as I can. When I am unable to check in with all my friends, time expands and I realize exactly ill prepared I am for what comes next. Available time unnerves me.

Distance: 3 miles
Route: Forest Hill Loop

Glad I ran, but I was not going to attempt my appointed five miles. Can't risk it. As it is I feel light-headed, but the rain was nice and there was no wind so I did not feel particularly cold.

Keeping my feet straight, using the toe separator, I have not felt pain or tingling in my right foot for some time. Meanwhile, I am attempting to work off some nasty callouses which have built up. I have always developed callouses next to the second joint of my big toe, on both feet, but more on the right. This no doubt because of the way I turn my foot out.

Temperature: 48°
Climate: light, gentle rain
Weight: 162.5 lbs. (-0.5)
Mood: addled

Iguazu Playlist
Two Tribes (Extended Version) - Frankie Goes to Hollywood
99 Luftballoons - Nena
Let the Music Play (Extended Versio) - Shannon
Dancing In The Sheets - Shalamar
Living On Video - Trans X

You know you're always paying for the shit that's free.

Busy not busy. Certainly not lacking in seconds nor minutes. Work is mental and I have pressing my brain into the rear of my skull rather than projecting it forward out into the world, more hiding than I am afraid.

Home time means either housework or wandering. You can see it does not translate into running. Making an effort currently takes a lot of effort. Clean, organize, try to be helpful. And that's pretty much it.

I am feeling kind of low, is what I am saying. Listless and without direction. The holidays may improve upon this or, as the man said, throw it into sharp relief.

What am I looking forward to? I champion others' efforts. No longer sure what mine are.

Also, I woke up with a headache pretty much every day this week. So that's not good. Better today, though.

Distance: 3.4 miles
Avg Pace: 8:26
Route: Boulevard Loop

So. Running. Still feels good. Snow falling this morning, currently in the crunchy only slightly slippery mode. It was like a real workout. My knees hurt a little, the cold does that. Form is good, just losing a little of my wind. Got to make more than once a week.

But then, that's assured, with a five mile race on Thursday. Supposed to be back up to the sixties by then. Can't remember how many years we've had a mild and warm Thanksgiving.

Family coming into town. Special events at work this work, celebrations and traditions over the weekend. So much to be thankful for and I will remember that every day.

Temperature: 32°
Climate: snow
Weight: 159.5 lbs.
Mood: better?

Because it is snowing, the girl insists on Christmas music. It is not yet Thanksgiving, and yet the wife has not objected. See? All things can change.

What's That Lyric?
Complexity - Eagles of Death Metal

The past several days I have seen the phrase "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels," which is 1) entirely false and 2) totally obnoxious.

We are accidents waiting to happen.

"Rosalynde." Because this.

We return to writing. Rose earlier this morning, as it should be. The great hibernation is through. It is the old new year (April 1!) and though I feel unsure, there should be new beginnings. Yesterday, decisions were made to mark the next year, which gives focus and urgency to this year.

Yes, it's all very vague. Sorry. More later. For now I am fighting a certain dull ennui which comes with the highs and lows of closing one show and opening another. I will miss The Globe (two more private shows at two public high schools, today and tomorrow) and I am very excited about all the good press Rosalynde is getting.

Temperature: 37°
Distance: 3.35 miles

Ah-ha. This morning, not just my left ankle, but my left hip was a little sore. Trying not to run myself down, but also wish to choose the dates I do not run, like tomorrow when I need to leave the house at seven.

Wait. It's supposed to be like summer tomorrow. I'll make it happen.

Baseline:178.5 lbs.
Today: 167.5 lbs. (+0.5)
Goal: 170 lbs.
Ideal: 165 lbs.

What will happen when I have a heart attack on a run? Will I fall on the sidewalk, or in the street? Will anyone pull over to assist? Will I die there, or make my way to someone's front door? Will it be an abandoned house?

One thing that has changed since my childhood, I will not be found by an adolescent paperboy.

2003 Playlist
Ignition (Remix) - R. Kelly
New Killer Star - David Bowie
Such Great Heights (173 bpm) - The Postal Service
Mosquito - The Mosquitos
All Wrong (167 bpm) - Kaada
House Party Time - Dan Zanes and his Friends
There There (The Boney King of Nowhere) - Radiohead
Peace and Love - Fountains of Wayne

Who has R. Kelly and Dan Zanes on the same playlist? I am so sorry.

Your perfect verse is just a lie.

It was the left knee.

We move forward, slowly. I feel as though I have been locked into one state for the past seven months, focused on one single task. And now I open my eyes and see so many wonderful opportunities lay before me.

And children. I see children.

I believe the pain in my left knee was some freak thing, but it's exactly the kind of thing I worry about. It has been five years since my operation, and I have been running full-steam since then. But for almost half a year I was deep in the doubt I would ever run again, and that was very, very challenging for me. I worry about what will happen to my brain if I am ever taken off the road.

Speaking of which, my new running gear is all black. Not the best choice for a before-dawn run.

Temperature: 75°
Climate: light rain
Distance: 3.25 miles

That was difficult. Getting up was difficult, getting out was difficult, the run itself was difficult, deciding what to write was difficult. And I really do not like using the word 'difficult'.

Underground Playlist
Selfless, Cold and Composed - University A Capella
Clark Gable - The Postal Service
Message To My Girl - Split Enz
One - Aimee Mann
Better Be Home Soon - Crowded House
Baby's Got Sauce - G. Love & Special Sauce
Jane - Barenaked Ladies

Difficult. Difficult. Difficult. Difficult.

I'm staring at the asphalt.

Don't know what happened. I was driving home with the windows down and I felt fine. The drive home, that relatively speaking brief drive home can make me bleary-eyed, it's just boring. But I felt fine, for the most part ... but by the time I got to the grocery store, I was tired.

The grocery store can be a major soul-sucking experience, I don't care which store it is. Sometime it hits me in produce, Good God, it's the first section of the store and I have been here for half my life already. But that wasn't the case today, I was in and out of there real fast with a lot of great fruits and vegetables.

But then I went into the aisles ... I didn't think we needed much but whatever I wanted, I couldn't find it. That's when I aged a year. But the time I emerged into the hideously bright parking lot, I was spent. I came home, dinner was almost ready, everyone was active and on top of things, I am was like Zombie Dad. It was pathetic.

The boy needed to get to baseball, and the wife generously offered to take the girl to practice soccer in an adjacent field, so that I could do whatever I liked -- with an emphasis on taking a run. Maybe a short one. Could do me good.

Actually, just writing this has already done me good.

I think I was hungry.

Temperature: 82°
Climate: warm
Distance: 3.25 miles

Freshly-mow lawns, bright, early-evening sunshine, and what do you know -- other runners. The kind of people who regularly use the gym. That's nice. Get off my sidewalk, I was out here when it was nineteen degrees, who do you think you are?

Stopped by the schoolyard where the boy was practicing and the ladies were kicking the ball around with boys who were absolutely incapable of not touching the ball with their hands.

Running feels so good. The running feels good. I feel good. This day is nearing its end. There is so much to accomplish in each and every one. And these are good things to notice.

You Make Me Feel Genius Playlist
The District Sleeps Alone Tonight - The Postal Service
You May Be Right - Billy Joel
Die Another Day - Madonna
Big Girl (You Are Beautiful) - Mika
Next Girl (168 bpm) - The Black Keys
Free - Graffiti6
Taken - One Direction

We have so much to feel good about.

 Good Omens.

Several mornings (too many mornings) I have had sinus pain. Change of season, too little and interrupted sleep. Painful pressure in my face. Large glass of water, four ibuprofen, and one pseudoephedrine. It walks me into my days.

Last night, upon retiring, I remarked how bad my sleep was the night before and the wife pops out of bed stating, "I'm getting you a sleeping pill." By this she meant an allergy medication,
diphenhydramine. Better living through OTC illness medication.

I must say, I slept better last night than I have in at least a week. This is my idea of a "good" Friday. 

1. Morning rehearsal for medical improv.
2. Take a run.
3. Spend the afternoon and early evening with my family at my parents' house.

Temperature: 41°
Climate: Sunglasses! Thank you.
Distance: 3.25 miles

How are you feelin' today, Harvey? Better, thank you. Better. I would like to imagine that I could feel this calm and settled during the middle of the week ... though the truth is I often feel anxious and out of sorts on the weekend, so I don't suppose it makes much difference what day it is today.

As the man pointed out yesterday, it should be beautiful spring (I almost wrote "spring-like" ... it IS spring, dammit) weather through the entire weekend. So running would be ideal, if not for my hamstring, which I feel, depending on the day, from my heel through my ankle, my heel through my calf, or like today, from my heel through my thigh.

This pain abates considerably after about five hundred yards, and maybe I will be able to ignore it all day. Tomorrow, however, I will get out of bed limping again. However, I feel (physically) much better than I did early this month when I was running little or not at all, and my diet has improved considerably, without really thinking about it.

It helps that I keep little or no cash on hand when I am at work, which prevents my suddenly dashing to the lobby for a candy bar or a soda pop. And then there are the menus my wife and children plan, which are by and large really, incredible awesome. Ginger-lentil soup? Yes, please, and thank you.

It also helps that right now in my car stereo is disc three of Jonathan Safran Foer's Eating Animals.

2009 Playlist
Good Life - OneRepublic
Do What U Like - Bad Boy Bill
When Love Takes Over - David Guetta Feat. Kelly Rowland
Waking Up In Vegas [Calvin Harris Remix] - Katy Perry
TiK ToK - Ke$ha
This Must Be The Place - Miles Fisher
Dance Wiv Me - Dizzee Rascal ft. Calvin Harris & Chrome

Last chance to see.

Punch out, wash up, come back, and wrap it up.

Thank you for this, Brian.

I hate driving alone. I need to get a Red Book back into my car. Three times in the past six months I have gotten myself horribly lost -- once in the City, and twice on the long, haunted expanses of rural Ohio -- with no opportunities to stop and ask for directions, something I am entirely capable of doing in spite of my gender.

Lost and late ... I think if I am not late I never consider myself lost. If I do not have a deadline, then I am simply where I am, and need to be elsewhere. When I am late, I am in the wrong place. And when I am alone, there is no one to help me, no one for whom to put on a bright face or to make light with. Alone is alone. And I fear being alone.

Oh yeah, that's a good idea isn't it? Yeah - let's all bring Neil down. That'll relieve the boredom. 

This afternoon Josh made me laugh out loud at my desk. That act by itself was the best thing that happened to me today.

Temperature: 41°
Climate: ideal.
Distance: 4 miles

Pure disco blasting in my ears, I wait for the light at Mayfield and Taylor, a stout, mustachioed Russian-American immigrant next to me in burly coat and knit cap. He smiles and asks me something and I have to remove my headphones.

Mustachioed Russian-American Immigrant: You having fun?
Goateed Sixth-Generation English-American: I am!

I said it. It has to be true.

Running every day is wearying, and I have not had a decent night's sleep since last weekend, if then. We have a four-day weekend, but it's not uneventful. There are rehearsals for side-projects, opening night performances, trips to see grandparents and great-grandparents. May be enough for fill my head and wear me out.

But let's see if I can run every single day. It is fun.

1979 Playlist
Down In The Park (150 bpm) - Gary Numan & Tubeway Army
Love Will Tear Us Apart - Joy Division
Catholic Girls - Frank Zappa
24 Hour Party People - The Happy Mondays
Tusk - Fleetwood Mac
Cleveland Rocks - Ian Hunter
Goodbye Stranger - Supertramp
Hot Stuff - Donna Summer
It's Alright For You (171 bpm)  - The Police

I remembered Josh's joke twice while running, and almost had to stop from laughing out loud both times. It's a good joke.

There's egg on your face and mud on your shoes.

Ha ha, no. This is not actually what is upsetting me today.

Amazing. I almost vomited while driving tonight. coming home from work. Worked myself into a mental tizzy, and felt sick to my stomach and I think if I had continued to think, it would have all come up. I almost grabbed the plastic bag on the seat next to me.

I can deal with stress, I can cope with emergencies. Sadness just is, grief comes and goes. The inbetween, the mounting dread, the fear of what's next. What will happen? That is where my anxiety truly lies.

My wife instructed me to take a run as soon as I got home this evening. She recommended it. She knows what is good for me.

Temperature: 43°

Climate: Very, very nice.

Distance: 3.25 miles

Between yesterday's run and today's, it snowed a lot. And now it's in the 40s. Neat. Shorts!

Shorts make a difference, and as long as it is not precipitating (snow or rain - it stings) then running in 40 degree weather is entirely pleasant. Long-sleeves of some kind, please (the fleece is too hot, no thank you, not again) but definitely shorts. Less resistance, more speed, good times. I surprised myself how fast I was running tonight. Keep that up, I may not want to stop.

And now ... about reading. Anxiety, nervousness, a desperate need to check my email or facebook every five minutes, has made concentrating on a book extremely difficult. Since fall I have started some half-dozen books, mostly non-fiction, and finished none of them.

Last night I was half-enjoying (buzz, buzz) a biography of Winsor McCay, when I became overwhelmed with thoughts and images from Larry Tye's history of Superman. After fifteen minutes I realized I was a grown-up and can do whatever the hell I like and switched to the Superman book. Twenty minutes later I was back with Winsor McCay ... and putting that down for bed fifteen minutes after that I realized I had successfully read longer and without interruption than I had since the holidays.

1989 Playlist

Across This Antheap - XTC

Down In It - Nine Inch Nails

Electric Chair - Prince

Sowing The Seeds of Love (170 bpm) - Tears For Fears

King For A Day - XTC

Veronica - Elvis Costello

No Myth - Michael Penn

Into the darkness, and out again. What a great year for records.

Huh. I really did it. I skipped over a Michelle Shocked track because she has become a narrow-minded bigot and I don't think I can stand to listen to her anymore. That makes me sad.