The pounding of my heart, it beats so strong.

Last night was wonderful and horrible. The girl was receiving a corporate-sponsored scholarship, one she had applied and interviewed for. She received cash, prizes, was celebrated for all her hard work. And she has done such hard work.

By the end of the event she was finding it hard to breathe. The caterer had included an unusual ingredient in the pesto - peanuts. Peanuts do not belong in pesto. Pine nuts and often other tree nuts can go into pesto, not peanuts. And there was no allergy warning, no indication of this special, secret ingredient.

I remember those parents who would make a stink that their children couldn't bring peanut butter to school, or didn't impress upon their children to wash their grubby little mitts before visiting their friends at the nut-free table. Join me in the emergency room after my daughter has jabbed herself with her epi-pen on the white-knuckled drive.

She's fine. She leaves for university in a few months. I am nervous and afraid, and so is she.

Distance: 3.5 miles
Duration: 34:28
Pace: 9:51
Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 54°
Climate: sunny & cool
Mood: okay
Weight: 185 lbs. (-1.0)

Four days of running in a row. Cooler today. Chose not to write morning pages, instead to do housework, make lunches, breakfast, for the family, all of whom slept late. I got five and a half hours of sleep last night, and that was more than anyone.

Intake:
Breakfast: cream of wheat (1c), with raisins, alomonds, butter & cream, coffee (2x)

Snack: carrot sticks
Lunch: noodle salad & green soup

Snack: apple
Dinner: pasta & sauce w/steamed brocolli & cauliflower, butter

Also, beer (1x), fizzy water (2x)

Let's try breakfast. Somestimes fasting keeps me from being hungry. Isn't that weird? But this morning I made cream of wheat, so. And I have lost five pounds since we began.

UPDATE: Around 10:30 AM, I am hungry again. This is what I am talking about. 

1984 Playlist

Take Me With U - Prince & the Revolution

Locomotion - OMD

You Take Me Up - Thompson Twins

Tenderness - General Public

Erotic City - Prince

Legs - ZZ Top

I Want You Back - The HoodooGurus

It's My Life - Talk Talk

Don't Let Go - Wang Chung

Eucch. These almonds are two years out of date. Picked thme up at a race sometime.

Interlude

The reality is I should be intensely grateful every day for my health, which is entirely free from disorder or disease. I am a very healthy man, my own weaknesses, when I have them, are my own, based on poor diet, lack of exercise, or some freak momentary lapse due to an accident or situation.

So, when a doctor prescribes medicine, I just take it, and don't think about it. In the past I wasn't even very good at taking it. When I had my vasectomy ten years ago I was lackadaisical about the antibiotics I was meant to take to prevent infection. Long story short, I learned my lesson there pretty fast. But see what I mean? Careless. And then I was okay.

I had a severe allergic reaction to something on Monday, and thought I was going o die. I got a steroid shot which brought down my symptoms and was prescribed a series of pills which I have been taking faithfully. But I don't know what they do.

This morning I went out for a run, and felt horrible. Worse, my chest was tight. Not painful I just couldn't breathe. I could not take a deep breath. This was new to me, and so it was unsettling. I don't imagine it's any easier for someone for whom this is a daily reality. But my ignorance left me first wondering if I was having heart problems.

So, what are my pills? What are they doing? Here is a basic run-down:

Prednisone: An anti-inflammatory which suppresses the immune system. Makes sense after my body tried to kill me.

Side effects: rapid weight gain, high blood pressure, shortness of breath, chest pain -- see? Sometimes it's good to know what the fuck you are putting into your mouth.

I took the last prescribed dose of that this morning.

Cetirizine: Commercially, it's Zyrtec, it's an antihistamine, again to bring down the symptoms of the allergic reaction.

Side effects: rapid heartbeat, also confusion, depression, weakness, tremors -- all good reasons not to run today, right?

Famotidine: For indigestion. Again, side effects include weakness, fatigue, dizziness.

Basically, I am on a brief series of meds which, in the course of suppressing my allergic reaction, make me weak. I should not be running, not until this is out of my system. The wife suggested I take a walk, which I did, but even that felt like overdoing it.

I take your pain away.

The low-grade sinus headache, the kind that drags me to the ground. A lazy Sunday afternoon, but not relaxed. Thought best to nap, close my eyes, as my body was demanding, but caffeine had kicked in and the mind was on fire. Also, it ached.

The area around the bee sting (for that is what it must have been) does not sting, or ache, but it itches. Bee stings are few and far-between, my last was (embarrassingly enough, but also spectacularly painful) on my scalp, six years. The stinging came and went in waves for days. But not this itching. Odd.

The boy and I headed to the gym.

Distance: 3 miles
Route: Rec Center
Mood: all right

Stepping into the sunlight, after our rounds, I noticed my headache had almost entirely subsided. This was not the case after one mile, when I thought I couldn't continue. I tried changing it up, running a mile, doing a round of exercises, then and another mile. This worked out fine, but it felt like it took a long time.

During the third mile, my right ankle crashed out. This happened last week, sudden pain the ankle, I'll walk,stop or stretch (all three, actually) and then continue. When it hurts, it really hurts. Bu when it's gone, it's gone.

I think it means I need new shoes.

Exercises: yes

Baseline: 178 lbs.
Today: 170 lbs. (+1.0)
Goal: 165 lbs.

Sigh.

What's That Lyric?
Tightrope - Janelle Monáe ft. Big Boi