So sick of having sleepless nights.

David Finch

Daily life is dizzying. Glad to be well again. A week feeling poor, my sore throat finally abated entirely by Sunday. Last night I came home from work just feeling tired. Not ill, not weak, just sleepy. I had a short night, making dinner for all, then getting in bed by eight. Why not? I thought of those times I had too much to do and felt despair (yes! despair!) knowing how long it would be before I could rest, and how much little rest I would get.

That did not prevent me from waking up at four and taking an hour to get back to sleep ... for another twenty minutes.

I have been having dreams about looking at my phone. That should be a sign. I had posted a video of a fire that had accidentally started in a scene shop at a local theater and then realized I probably shouldn't post that and wandered around trying to get it deleted from all the different social media sites, meanwhile, all around me, the Human League performed a house concert in my kitchen, and a troupe of African dancers were rehearsing in the hallway.

Beautiful art and music was happening all around me, and I was focused on my phone.

Distance: 3 miles

Duration: 26:31

Back to the gym. The elder and I discuss when we will run together, and when we will run apart. We are making plans.

Route: rec center
Temperature: 34°
Climate: damp & cold
Mood: adjusting

1971 Playlist

Pictures of Lily - The Who

Strawberry Letter 23 - Shuggie Otis

The Revolution Will Not Be Televised - Gil Scott Heron

Theme from “Shaft” - Isaac Hayes

Can You Get to That - Funkadelic

Alone Again (Naturally) -  Gilbert O’Sullivan

Jeepster - T. Rex

Peace Train - Yusuf/Cat Stevens

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 160 lbs. (-0-)

Last indoor run for a while? Fingers crossed.

Planks: yes
Push-ups: yes

Sit-Ups: yes

Pump positive vibes.

Same energy.

So. War in the Middle East. Jesus Fucking Christ.

Distance: 3.17 miles

Duration: 31:48
Pace: 10:01

New shoes. They did not have 880s in stock, which is shocking because every white man in America over the age of fifty wears NB 880. They did have 1080s, which are like walking on marshmallows. Doesn't necessarily sound like a bad thing, but I'm so high off the ground I was worried I might twist an ankle or something.

This did not happen. The elder and I both got new kicks, there may be a 10K in our future. Maybe.

Good partner run. But cold. But good. Very impressed they ran a 5K easily, our first time out in a while.

Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 27°
Climate: sunny & cold, light wind 
Mood: all right

Thirteen runs in February, illness took my off my game but I only missed one. Hope to make fifteen in March. March, right?

1991 Playlist

Diane - Material Issue

Good Vibrations - Marky Mark & the Funky Bunch ft. Loleatta Holloway

Visions of You - Jah Wobble's Invaders of the Heart ft. Shuhada' Sadaqat

Pain Lies On the Riverside - Live

Rush - Big Audio Dynamite

Why Should I Cry For You - Sting

7 - Prince & the New Power Generation

Rockin' Back Inside My Heart - Julee Cruise

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 160 lbs. (-0-)

Planks: yes
Push-ups: yes

Sit-Ups: yes

You can run, you can run. But it will catch up.

Current read.

Mind cloud. I do have things to accomplish. I am on a bit of a brain sabbatical. There is some writing, though. I think this weekend might be good, we'll see. I just convinced myself that I don't actually just write down whatever comes into my head. Except here.

Distance: 3.1 miles

Duration: 28:41
Pace: 9:15

Tuesday evening I started feeling something in the back of my throat, but it wasn't until Wednesday night that it broke out into something debilitating. That night I slept for twelve hours. And yet, by the time I got to urgent care -- today -- nothing. Post nasal drip? What? Anyway, I have a sore throat.

And the weather is nice. 

Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 53°
Climate: partly cloudy & cool
Mood: a little drowsy

2011 Playlist

We Will Become Silhouettes - The Shins 

Ritual Union - Little Dragon

Kyoto - Skrillex ft. Sirah

Little Talks - Of Monsters & Men

We Found Love - Rihanna ft. Calvin Harris

Money - The Drums

Don't Play No Game That I Can't Win - Beastie Boys ft. Santigold

Dance Wiv Me - Dizzee Rascal ft. Calvin Harris & Chrom3

In two more runs, I will be halfway through the year runs. And soon we will know if we will be attempting "number five." What's good about the year runs is that I don't have to think about what I am listening to next. If we return to training, that will be something to plan for. 

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 160 lbs.

Planks: yes
Push-ups: yes

Sit-Ups: yes

Where boys run free!

"Pride of Cleveland Suburb Soars for U.S. Hockey"
New York Times, 2/19/2026

The wife reminds me that I am often depressed (maudlin, low energy, etc.) this time of year. Yes, it is the anniversary of father's passing, but it's also just winter. The long, slow slog out of the cold, with no festival of lights, no time off or time with family to bring the cheer.

The Olympics have been fun to watch, Toni gave me that. I do not recall paying any attention to the Games prior to my life with her. The past two weeks I have just turned on the screen to watch whatever, skiing, curling, snowboarding, skating, and, of course, the hockey.

We had a hometown hero on our team this year, and they took the gold. Remarkable.

Distance: 3 miles

Duration: 24:34

I need to resume the good habits. Too many puzzles, first thing in the morning. Today I wrote, which, I have to remind myself, is a form of exercise. Add a glass of water to the cup of coffee, first thing, as you write for 30 minutes. Good habits.

Route: rec center
Temperature: 16°
Climate: cold
Mood: I think I might be better!

1981 Playlist

Music For Boys - The Suburbs

9 to 5 - Dolly Parton

I’m Your Money - Heaven 17

Of Lillies & Remains - Bauhaus

Johnny, Are You Queer? - Josie Cotton

Regiment - Brian Eno & David Byrne

The Freeze - Spandau Ballet 

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 160 lbs. (-1.0)

Planks: yes
Push-ups: yes

Sit-Ups: yes

I hit the bottom.

It's like I have this lingering ugh. I have been exhausted, you know? That and I sobbed like a lost child on Friday, like I haven't cried in a very long time. It was brought on by Spit of You. It's always a song.

But yeah, strange. What does the anniversary of a death mean, anyway? A time for remembrance, but as I said, it is also a reminder of the decade just passed. I did a lot of thinking on Thursday. Friday was just emotionally draining.

Or I'm just tired.

Distance: 3 miles

Duration: 27:25

Then, this morning, as I was "detailing" the Element (the wife has gone out of town for the week) I struck my head on the rear open door. Had my head down, walked my full weight into it and now I have a half-inch wide gash across my forehead.

I have never minded being bald. I first noticed the pattern of hair loss when I was twenty-three and that was a surprise but I got over it pretty fast. I mean, I don't like insults or, as some people call them, "jokes" not because I am embarrassed for being bad but because, like most people, I care to be insulted. Body shaming comes in all forms, just like people, and excuse me for sounding like a wounded white man, but bald jokes do seem like the last acceptable form of body shaming.

No, the one thing that has always made me unhappy about not having hair is when I hit my head and there's a mark or a scab, I am very self-conscious about that. It is a visible sign of clumsiness, I feel it makes me look like a stupid guy. I have a scar at the top of my head from repeated abrasions and scrapes. And there's no hair to hide it.

Route: rec center
Temperature: 30°
Climate: snowy
Mood: depressed

Twenty years ago on this date, February 22, 2006, I had just had my first physical in six years. We ate dessert those days, and often. Probably came with having children. Sweet, little children. We rarely have a dessert any more, they are for occasional splurges.

It's also my first mention of Netflix, which was, at that time, solely a DVD rental-by-mail service. It was surprising to learn they were still doing that until three years ago. Last movie they ever shipped? True Grit (2010). Thank goodness it wasn't something embarrassing, huh?

2001 Playlist

Les Fleur - 4hero ft. Carina Andersson

Superheroes - Daft Punk 

Point of View Point - Cornelius

Exquisite Corpse from “Hedwig and the Angry Inch” OMPS 

Breathe - Télépopmusik ft. Angela McCluskey

Packt Like Sardines in a Crushd Tin Box - Radiohead

Face to Face - Daft Punk

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 161 lbs. (-1.0)

Back to the gym. It was a good week, and I'm glad that I thought to write that. The running was good.

Planks: yes
Push-ups: yes

Sit-Ups: yes

One day that’ll be your forehead I’m kissing.

"This hasn't happened to me since M!"

Wednesday night I was on my own, the wife at a dinner, the elder at their internship. It has been a while since I have been on my own with nothing to do myself. And since the kids have graduated high school, I have tried to take advantage of opportunities like these to do things I always told myself I wanted to -- like to watch movies on my own.

I have also been affected by the use of screens, the inability to focus on one story from beginning to end. It's easier at the cinema. On Monday I treated myself to The Testament of Ann Lee. I went out, had a beer, got popcorn, and watched a flick, all by my lonesome.

Wednesday night, I took time to make a list of possible selections. I chose M, Fritz Lang's 1931 psychological thriller which introduced the world to Peter Lorre.

Goodness. Isn't that film timely.

Distance: 3.1 miles

Duration: 28:11
Pace: 9:05

Ten years ago yesterday, my life changed forever. Maybe it is too facile to think that only the death of someone close to me defines my existence, but upon reflection it certainly seems that way. When Calvin was born in 2001, I became a different person, suddenly, and then gradually. I thought differently, looked at the world and the people in it differently.

When my father died of a massive heart attack on the morning of February 19, 2016, my world shifted again, and I moved into this new phase of my life with uncertainty, but also a new purpose. 

With the deaths of Bowie and Prince at around the same time, it became a meme that year, "Everyone is dying! Put a ring around Betty White!" Yeah, well. As George St. Geegland put it, "When a famous person dies, blame the year and make it about you." My father died in 2016, it wasn't part of a curse, it was thing that happened. It was going to happen, fathers die.

As will I, some day. Most mornings these days I say farewell to our elder child as they head off to the openings shift at a local bakery and coffee shop. I am their father. As he was to me, I am to them. I hope I live so long. Longer, though. When did my father stop running? Why did he stop running? I feel like it was something he did for a short while, starting later than I did, and stopping before this. I do not recall.

The exercise keeps me healthy, and fit. Will it extend my existence?

Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 52°
Climate: sunny & damp
Mood: sad

I am so sick of some people.

2021 Playlist

Be Sweet - Japanese Breakfast

Security - Amyl & The Sniffers

The Overload - Yard Act

Now I'm In It - Haim

Wet Dream - Wet Leg

Freedom - Jon Batiste

Russian Doll - Gully Boys

The Gathering - Frank Turner

Spit of You - Sam Fender

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 162 lbs. (+2.0)

We watched the USA Gold match yesterday. I had fried pickles, mozzarella moons and onion rings. Then I didn't eat anything for the rest of the day.

Planks: yes
Push-ups: yes

Sit-Ups: yes

Must keep up with the upper body exercises.

I'm a dude, dad.

Would the weekend have been as taxing if I were not ill? As we continue into the week, I feel as though I have had a piece of me bitten off. Disoriented, dizzier. 

My run on Monday, as I reported, included a few near spills. Slips on snow and ice. I don't want to become like my father, falling all the time. Losing my balance. 

I wonder if household falls are going to become an issue for me. I have never liked how cluttered our house is, having to navigate piles of stuff. Our halls are too narrow for this. I am going to tumble backward and break my hip, or worse.

Distance: 3.1 miles

Duration: 29:25
Pace: 9:28

We are making plans for the Cleveland 10K, and by we, I mean me and one other. It will require training. The race is on 16 May. Ten years ago, that weekend, it fucking snowed. It could again, right? I mean, who knows what the fuck will happen?

Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 57°
Climate: sunny!
Mood: unsteady & grateful

1972 Playlist

Popcorn - Jean-Michel Jarre

I Saw the Light - Todd Rundgren

Satellite of Love - Lou Reed

You're So Vain - Carly Simon

Crocodile Rock - Elton John

All the Young Dudes - Mott the Hoople

Traveler in Time - Uriah Heep

Gudbuy T’Jane - Slade

City of New Orleans - Arlo Guthrie

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 160 lbs. (-1.0)

This morning I was socked with a migraine. I haven't felt such head pain in, I am glad to say, I very long time. Much of this was my fault, stayed up later than my body wanted me to, didn't drink enough water last night. I had head pain all night, in the morning I tried to fight through it, but there is only so much you can do. I even took a shower, and almost fell over in the tub. Not good.

Two ibuprofen, one Sudafed, and a Dramamine -- it's the Dramamine I could have used twenty years ago, the sick feeling of the migraine that makes it unendurable. I was able to sleep for three solid hours.

Planks: TBA
Push-ups: TBA

Sit-Ups: yes

Spring-like weather. See you Friday.