I keep a-running when the trouble follows.

Being demoralized makes me sleepy. Like, literally. when I am depressed, I just want to lie down. That was me on Friday. I did take a nap (I have really been avoiding naps) it didn't help, and then I just wanted another one a couple hours later. Luckily, we had dinner plans.

Distance: 3.1 miles

Duration: 31:20
Pace: 10:05

Route: Forest Hill Loop

Temperature: 61°
Climate: it's complicated (see below)

Pavement: wet
Mood: driven

Slept in too late, again. The wife says, why not, but I know why. My head hurts. Sleeping in makes my head hurt, full stop. But I did manage to do some writing which was nice.

We're the the home stretch for March Mildness, and I am anxious about what comes next. Will I just lose my resolve? Gain the weight back? Go back to scarfing down treats and swilling booze? Abstinence is easier for me than moderation. 

 

2017 Playlist

Always Ascending - Franz Ferdinand

Plimsoll Punks - Alvvways

Want You Back - Haim

River - Bishop Briggs

IDGAF - Dua Lipa

Lucky Penny  - JD McPherson

I Give You Power - Mavis Staples ft. Arcade Fire

Across the Room - ODESZA ft. Leon Bridges (164 bpm)

 

Thought I missed my window of opportunity. Forecast said sixty degrees all week, by the time I got out the sun had gone and it was very windy, dark and thunderous. I went anyway. Running into the wind was a bear, but not unbearable.

As I was entering the woods, I could see a break in the clouds approaching, and by the time I emerged it was sunny again! It was beautiful, and totally worth it. I am much stronger! Stronger than I have been in years!

Also, I was depressed -- but now I feel much better.

 
Stretches: yes
Abdominals: 90 sec. (2x)
Water: yes

Breakfast: coffee w/oatmilk, pasta salad w/tuna (1 C.)

Pre-Run Snack: banana

Lunch: pizza, ranch, salad

Snack: clementine

Happy Hour: OJ on ice

Dinner: pasta w/mushroom & meat sauce, spinach soufflé

Baseline: 195 lbs.

Current: 183 lbs. (-0.5)

Goal: 180 lbs.

Look good but don't be obsessed.

Achy second day joints. Also, teaching, even for a class or two, can be very exhausting for me. I am trying to live with this body. But I do need it to be a stronger body.

Distance: 3 miles

Duration: 33:01
Pace: 11:01

Route: Forest Hill Loop

Temperature: 45°
Climate: overcast & dreary

Pavement: clear
Mood: challenged

Got to take your above-freezing days where you can get them,

2021 Playlist

Trauma Queen - Durry

He Said She Said - CHVRCHES

Security - Amyl and the Sniffers

You're Not Special, Babe - Orla Garland

I Need Some of That - Weezer

Once Twice Melody - Beach House

Waiting On a War - Foo Fighters

Smile - Wolf Alice

Pay Your Way In Pain- St. Vincent

Spit of You - Sam Fender

What was 2021? A pandemic year. The high school graduation of our eldest child, and their advancement to college. The boy emerges from shutdown as a butterfly from a chrysalis. Online productions, trips to New York, the writing of plays, and lots of homework.

 
Stretches: yes 
Abdominals: 120 sec.
Water: yes

The city's warmer by a couple of degrees.

Moving the set yesterday, ooff. I could feel the energy leaving my arms, weakness settling in. Can't imagine doing that every day this year, or ever again. Maybe it would make me stronger ... but then, maybe not.

The writing is lackadaisical, perhaps m morning meeting I am having today with be a motivation. More on that soon, I hope.

Distance: 3.3 miles
Avg. Pace: 7:53
Duration: 26:03
Route: Forest Hill Loop

Brisk, light, just before the rain. Remarkable. The trees, the earth. We just keep running.

Temperature: 55°
Climate: light rain
Mood: fuck you

My daughter's capacity for forgiveness is bottomless. Mine, however, is not.

Baseline: 174 lbs.
Today: 165.5 lbs. (-0-)
Goal: 165 lbs.
Ideal: 160 lbs.

Why eat sensibly all day only to scarf a piece of cold, flavorless pizza right before bed?

1999 Playlist
As - George Michael & Mary J. Blige
Five Fathoms (Kevin Yost Everything and a Groove Mix) - Everything But the Girl
Find My Baby - Moby
Lullaby of Clubland - Everything But the Girl
Stop Breaking Down - The White Stripes
Blame * - Everything But the Girl

Don't need to walk around in circles.

Yep.

This morning the girl asked if I would ride bikes to school with her. Last week we did this, I borrowed her brother's bike because I thought, you know -- fun. I almost got a hernia.

So I swiftly dove into the basement and brought out my own bike. I pumped the tires and sprayed WD-40 into the gears and off we went. The gears kept slipping and there was nothing I could do about it, this poor, twenty year old machine was kept in a leaky garage for most of that time, neglected and dirty.

I'd like to take it in but I am afraid the bicycle guy will inform me that fixing it will be more expensive than buying a new one. Of course, I could always repair it myself ...

One thing I did realize on my way home after dropping the girl off at school is that cycling isn't a real sport. How can it be when you can just stop moving when you come to a decline? When I am running and I stop ... I have stopped.

Distance: 3 miles
Duration: 23:08
Avg Pace: 7:42
Route: Boulevard Loop

This morning we learned one of the girl's schoolmates had a migraine yesterday, and during our walk to catch the bus I explained to the boy what a migraine is, how to treat one, and what it feels like. Since then, I have had a headache.

The run was good. Strong, fast. But I do not believe I can run 8 minutes for the entire race. Not sure I should run any of the race at that speed. However, 8:30 would be good. I think. Maybe I can do that. So much depends on how my body feels on the day. Not much I can do about that except eat well and rest.

Temperature: 75°
Climate: okay
Weight: 157 lbs.
Intake: flavored almonds
Hydration: yes

What's That Lyric?
Circles - Soul Coughing

Tell me all about your pain.

Here's the thing. I have fallen into the trap of believing that running is an inherently selfish use of time and that there must be a dozen other things more important for me to be doing at the moment.

I have lost my sense of myself as a runner. Not sure what to do about that.

Temperature: 52°
Distance: 3.25 miles

My wife said, "If there is anyone who can be thought of as a runner, it is you." So that was good to hear.

Night Kitchen Years
Boombastic (159 bpm) - Shaggy
The Brooklynites - Soul Coughing
The Idiot Kings - Soul Coughing
Local God - Everclear
Cupid De Locke - Smashing Pumpkins
The Interlocutor - Squirrel Nut Zippers
Never Here - Elastica
Ball of Confusion - Duran Duran

In the fall of 1996, I weighed about this much. But I didn't run, and I was a smoker. I could not, then, have run 3.25 miles. This is important to remember.