There's a coldness in the air, but I don't care.

Ohio is bisexual now.

Beautiful Christmas jazz in Cincinnati, then home. Now with snow! Had to skip Wednesday, the night before was miserable. Young cats like to keep me awake, old cats do, too. It is difficult, at 1:30 pm, to manage the chaos. I slept two, maybe three hours uninterrupted -- not consecutive hours, mind you. Just an hour or two that were uninterrupted in and of themselves.

Last night was not much better. And I have another stye.

Distance: 3 miles

Duration: 25:27
Route: rec center
Temperature: 27°
Climate: cold
Mood: tired

The Aughts

Get Innocuous! - LCD Soundsystem

Dilemma - Nelly ft. Kelly Rowland

Just Dance - Lady Gaga ft. Colby O'Donis

As the Rush Comes (Gabriel & Dresden Sweeping Strings Remix) - Motorcycle

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 165 lbs.

Goal: 155 lbs.

Membership renewed! One year as a rec center member, and it has paid off. But I need a revised goal. I don't need to be 155, I need to lean toward 155. Because of now, I am leaning in the wrong direction.

Planks: yes
Push-ups: yes

Sit-Ups: yes

How weak you must feel.

Good lord, tripped on a cat on my way upstairs in the dark last night and it feels like I sprained my toes.

Distance: 3.1 miles

Duration: 28:50
Pace: 9:18

As many runs as I completed in both 2019 and 2021. And in 2019 I was training for a marathon. Of course, that was also the year I was losing my mother and basically didn't run the last two months of the year.

Then again, after Chicago, I am surprised I ever ran again.

Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 58°
Climate: partly cloudy & cool
Mood: all right

Fall quarter, freshman year. I was eighteen. This was thirty-nine years ago. For context, thirty-nine years before that was 1947, when my parents were only twelve. Don't know how that is relevant, but it seems important to me to appreciate just how long thirty-nine years is. I digress. 

Fall quarter, freshman year. It was 1986. I did not know yet how to take care of myself. I remember I was ill that semester, and in the middle of the night I was hungry and had some milk (don't ask, it's gross, adults who drink milk are monsters) and was surprised to learn it had gone sour. I was grateful that one of the water fountains on the floor was right outside my dorm and was able to spit it up there.

The point is, I was eighteen and had never had bad milk before, because I had a mother who would never let anything go bad in her refrigerator. I had never thought to check the expiration date, of anything. It had been taken care of. I had been taken care of.

And yet, there I was. Living, in a way, on my own. Someone still made my meals for me, that is what a dining plan is for. And I was warm and safe, presumably so that I could concentrate on my studies which was why I was there. I was still like a high school student, but in many ways, on my own. Still a pampered child, only now I drank beer, smoked cigarettes, and screwed.

My girlfriend had a roommate who did not care for me, and I do not blame anyone who did not care for me when I was below the age of thirty-five. When I think of the room they shared I see the bed, the cinderblock walls, the naked, tile floor. It was a room like the other rooms. We did not sleep over at each others' rooms, that may have had as much to do with our own feelings of discomfort (sleeping in the same bed as someone else is a skill, especially a narrow dormitory bed) as it did with our roommate situations. Better not to make things weird.

Also, I think it wasn't allowed. That makes more sense, too. But people did it, of course. We did not.

"You have this, too? I have this."

Her roommate had a copy of Suzanne Vega's first album, and the girlfriend developed an affinity for it. So did I, though even at that time I felt that she, and by she I mean Vega, was criticizing me. Or maybe, more to the point, that she had my number. Or that she had ours.

I want to be clear, I was never physically abusive to her, my girlfriend. But that does not mean I was always kind, or smart. I was a fool. Several of the songs on this album (others of hers, too) allude to domestic violence, even as she serenely sings and elegantly plays her guitar. The song Marlene On the Wall, more than any other song on that album, reminds me of that time, of that place, and of that young woman. 

An old black and white poster, it may have been that one that every female college student had at that time, "Kiss by the Hôtel De Ville" by Robert Doisneau, the one Campbell Scott shows us in Singles (if you know, you know) but in the song it is Marlene Dietrich, witnessing the uneducated fumblings of a couple who are soon to come apart, a poster blu-tacked to the painted cement, a romantic image that attempts to add warmth and style to a utilitarian domicile with cold walls and a cool floor.

Other evidence has shown that

You and I are still alone

We skirt around the danger zone

And don't talk about it later

Suzanne Vega - Suzanne Vega (1985)

Cracking

Marlene On the Wall

Small Blue Thing

Straight Lines

Undertow

The Queen & The Soldier

Knight Moves

Neighborhood Girls 

But the only one here now is me

I'm fighting things I cannot see

I think it's called my destiny

That I am changing

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 160 lbs.

Got my kit on this morning, stepped outside and it was raining. I'm not in training, there is no reason to deal with that. Not cold, not wet. Time to transition to the rec center.

Planks: yes
Push-ups: yes

Sit-Ups: yes

God knows where I'm going to.

It was a different time.

Logy morning, headachy. The kitten (is she a kitten? she's huge) reliably wakes us up at 4:00 AM. Not sure how long this is going to last. It's like having a toddler. A toddler with claws.

Distance: 3.1 miles

Duration: 28:57
Pace: 9:20

We got so irritated to learn that when Millennials thought of "the 80s" they were thinking of late 1980s, because of course they were. To them, "the 1980s" meant Bon Jovi, or Guns & Roses. To us, it was the early 1980s, which meant The Police, or Van Halen.

Actually, when we thought of the 1980s, we were really thinking of the late 1970s, like The Cars, Blondie and, well, The Police.

Now, when folks talk about the 90s, they really mean the late 90s. But that music was shit. The early 1990s, that was a golden era.

Guerrilla Theater Run (1991-1994)  
Strongman - Lucious Jackson
None of the Above - Duran Duran
Buried at Sea - MC 900 Ft. Jesus
Passin' Me By - Pharcyde
The Earth Died Screaming - Tom Waits
Ripcord - Radiohead
Strangers - Portishead

Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 54°
Climate: misty
Mood: headachy, that's a mood
Stretches: yes
Water: yes

Weight: 160 lbs.

Thought of not doing three, was surprised by the mist. Also, had a phone meeting right after, if I did do three. But three I did. Proud of myself. 

I hate to feel so confined.

The rain subsides ... for the moment. Three-day weekend. So much time! So many opportunities! There's a new piece I want to write, I'll bang out ten pages to bring to Dark Room next month.

The kitten can be a problem, Masha wakes me up, a lot. And waking up a lot is not good for me. The wife and I take turns coming downstairs at four or five to open the side door so she (Masha) can birdwatch, then we fall asleep on the couch.

Last night it was her (my wife's) turn, so I got to sleep in. A rare treat. 

Distance: 6 miles

Duration: 52:52
Pace: 8:48
  

Perfect weather for a longer run.

Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 54°
Climate: partly cloudy & cool
Mood: good
Stretches: yes
Water: yes

Weight: 159 lbs.

Created playlists for each set of romantic couples in The Right Room.

Aubrey + Steven Mixtape (1994)

Tempted - Squeeze

I Burn For You - The Police

Possession - Sarah MacLachlan

Sour Times - Portishead

Get Me - Everything But the Girl

Shoop - Salt-N-Pepa

Cuts You Up - Peter Murphy

In the Flesh - Blondie

I Melt With You - Modern English

Constant Craving - k.d. lang

Come to Me - Björk

The Paris Match - Style Council ft. Tracey Thorn

Closer - Nine Inch Nails

I am worried about the health risks.

POV: It’s 4:30 am and your cat
has decided it’s time for breakfast
(Henry Fuseli –‘The Nightmare’)
British Museum

Another night on the couch. I wonder how long she's going to keep this up.

I should explain: the kitten wants to play with things in our room at 3:00 AM. Like, every single night. So, eventually, one of us goes downstairs to sleep on the couch with the fire going which draws the cat away from the bedroom to lie in front of the fire. Then we can all sleep.

Distance: 4 miles

Duration: 35:30
Pace: 8:52

Reading our elder child's undergrad thesis. How did we create such intelligent and talented young artists? Did we do something right?  

Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 71°
Climate: absolutely perfect
Mood: angsty
Stretches: yes
Water: yes

Weight: 160 lbs.

We persist. We maintain.

2000 Playlist

Theme from Gutbuster - Bentley Rhythm Ace

The Staunton Lick - Lemon Jelly

Household Names - Stereolab

Hard to Explain - The Strokes

Alguem - Bebel Gilberto

The Tower That Ate People - Peter Gabriel

Bohemian Like You - Dandy Warhols

Sad Sweetheart of the Rodeo - Harvey Danger

It's Gonna Be Me - *NSYNC

They come a running just to get a look.

Our house smells like cat. The whole house, stinky cat. This is a shame, as Tiger is actually so much healthier than he was two months ago.

Distance: 2.1 miles

Duration: 19:21
Pace: 9:12

We're in Cincinnati for the night, to see the boy perform at Caffè Vivace. Brought my kit to do the block, like I did last fall.

Beautiful day. Walk in the park. Leisurely lunch. Mini-vacation (except for all the driving).

Route: Gaslight Loop
Temperature: 68°
Climate: between downpours
Mood: all right
Stretches: yes
Water: yes

Weight: 160 lbs.

1976 Playlist

Moonlight Feels Right - Starbuck

I'd Really Love to See You Tonight - England Dan & John Ford Coley

Money, Money, Money - ABBA

Crazy On You - Heart

Somebody To Love - Queen

Do Ya - Electric Light Orchestra

"I'm not talkin' 'bout m'lady."

I ain’t losing track.

The new cat, a goblin, has turned to waking us up at 5:30 for breakfast, and there's not much we can do about it. A squirt bottle has proven ineffective.

I must resume letter writing.

Chilly these past few days, it should warm up soon and I can get outside again.

Distance: 3 miles

Duration: 25:37

No stops.

Route: rec center
Mood: anxious
Stretches: yes
Water: not enough

Weight: 161 lbs.

1987 Playlist

Crying, Waiting, Hoping - Marshall Crenshaw

I Want Your Sex (pts. 1 & 2) - George Michael

Midnight Blue - Lou Gramm

Little Lighthouse - Dukes of Stratosphear

Lost In Emotion - Lisa Lisa & Cult Jim

Big Love - Fleetwood Mac

My heart runs on gasoline vapors.

Saw PARADE on Tuesday night. I have thoughts.

Those cats. My familiar is not doing well, and sleeps with me, without moving, every night. Just an old man cat. And the little one won't leave us alone. I haven't had unbroken sleep in I don't know when. 

Just keep running.

Distance: 3 miles 

Duration: 26:31

160 is really the sweet spot. I feel so much better. At the same time, I also feel as though my bones appreciated the additional padding.  

Route: Rec Center
Mood: all things considered …
Stretches: yes
Water: yes

Weight: 160 lbs.

To the threes.

2023 Playlist

There You Are (Beautiful) - Kiss The Tiger

Hot To Go! - Chappell Roan

The Smoke - Nabaté Isles

An Arrow in the Wall - Death Cab for Cutie

Personal Jesus - Iggy Pop ft. Trevor Horn & Lambrini Girls

Girls Talk - Tegan & Sara

$20 - Boy Genius

Lipstick Lover - Janelle Monáe

To appear sad.

Yesterday, we said goodbye to our dear Puffball (full name: Catsby Puffball) who came into our lives in 2010, a beloved companion to our kids, a diligent nursemaid when we took ill, always there to provide a groom or cuddle.

Fourteen is no longer young for a cat, and he had developed a few, manageable illness, but when we returned from our vacation last month it was clear e had lost a great deal of weight and was becoming weaker. The vet determined he had multiple myeloma, a blood and bone cancer.

He was always the sweetest kitty. He would sleep with and protect my wife, either above her head or at her side. Occasionally he would curl up into my back. He took very good care of me when I was alone at home, recovery from eye surgery.

We had the cat put down. We cried. We went to have drinks at the Speakeasy, it was early, we were the only ones there. We took a walk in the heat. We went to see a movie. This morning I was still very sad.

Distance: 3.1 miles
Duration:  28:19
Pace: 9:07

Route: Boulevard Loop
Temperature: 79
Climate: puffy clouds
Mood: actually sad
Stretches: yes
Water: yes

Pain Reliever: yes

My city. I like it.

Gold Rush Playlist

Gold Rush - Death Cab for Cutie

Don't Carry It All - The Decemberists

Lazy Eye - Silversun Pickups

Beverly - Low Cut Connie

2AM - Bear Hands

Africa - Weezer

Move - Saint Motel

Baseline: 185 lbs.

Weight: 175 lbs. (+1.0)

Goal: 170 lbs.

Breakfast: coffee w/cream, fresh fruit w/granola  yogurt

Coffee Break: PSL, banana bread

Lunch: Hawaiian jerk pork sand, tater tots

Dinner: Flume Double IPA, lentils over rice

Dessert: ice cream

I fucking love ice cream.

Running like a watercolor in the rain.

Tiger is also a Master of Disguise
(Loganberry Books)

Driving to Hudson and back first thing in the morning has messed with my weekend groove. I got back into bed and slept for another hour and a half. To be fair, I had a small orange cat under the covers with me, and he is a hypnotist. Also, I had a bit of a struggle getting out of bed yesterday, anyway.

Why? Too much exercise? Really? It's not that much exercise. But it is consistent. No idea. Just a Saturday morning. I should be grateful not to have any head pain. Like, really. Thanks the heavens for no head pain on a Saturday morning.

Distance: 3.1 miles
Duration: 30:38
Pace: 9:53

Also, it is a regressive morning, raining and cool. Not my favorite day for running, but not the worst, either. It's not my favorite day to do anything, really, but not the worst, either. Great day for sleeping in, though.

1976 Playlist

Magic Fly - Space  
Silly Love Songs - Paul McCartney & Wings
Year of the Cat - Al Stewart
Come Together - Tina Turner
Young Hearts Run Free - Candi Staton
Now I Wanna Sniff Some Glue - The Ramones
Detroit Rock City - Kiss
Jailbreak - Thin Lizzy

Literally discovered Space this morning, on Instagram, a French synthesizer band that appeared onstage dressed as astronauts, complete with face-obscuring helmets. Huh. Good idea. 

Also, "Magic Fly" must have been the inspiration for the theme to "Buckaroo Banzai." Space is the place!

Contemporary Youth Orchestra
(Loganberry Books)

Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 55°
Climate: partly cloudy & nice
Mood: good

Stretches: yes
Water: yes

The clouds broke, the sun even came out!

Knees getting sore. Wore the braces on the run. Will take pain reliever. I need days off, to be sure. 

Upper body: 60 reps.

Core Strength:

   Sit-Ups: 40

   Bicycles: 40 

Baseline: 185 lbs.
Weight: 179 lbs. (-0-)

Goal: 175 lbs.

Breakfast: fresh fruit, granola, yogurt

Lunch: veggie chili over rice, iced coffee

Dinner: pizza (1), salad, Dort

On Rails

This asshole.

King Lear closes today, a three hour show that goes down at 11:00 PM has been trying for me, exhausting in and of itself and also robbing me of sleep. Marathon training and hot nights make for short hours, and catching naps has become a necessary evil.

Just yesterday I had two half-hour naps during the day. Not sure if hot sleeping is restorative, anyway, I should sleep in a cool bath.

Week Three Total: 19.15 miles
Training To Date: 56.9 miles

Podrunner: On Rails (161 bpm)

Distance: 5.15 miles
Duration: 45:40
Pace: 8:51
Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 67°→70°
Climate: sunny & bright
Mood: very anxious
Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Snack: banana

Anxious morning, the cat had gotten out. I mean, sometimes he doesn't come down for breakfast, but it's odd. I didn't want to wake everyone with the news, maybe he was sleeping somewhere and would show up, but after I got back from my run with Chris, not only was he gone but I found how he had escaped, a small hole in the screen on the porch was much more cat-sized and had some orange hairs caught in it.

Anyway, just as I was about to post a MISSING CAT notice on our neighborhood page, he came crying to the side door, and trotted right in when we opened it.

So, today I'm fixing screens.

Baseline: 179.5 lbs.
Today: 165 lbs. (-1.5)
Goal: 165 lbs. Achievement Unlocked

Here is the fact. This time last year I had worked myself down to 163 lbs., having started at 178 lbs. at the beginning of 2018, just like this year. That was not only as light as I would become, I almost immediately began putting the weight right back on.

I mean, of course I did. We visited North Carolina, a few weeks after that, Maine. Vacation, relaxation, easy calories. We are not in North Carolina now, but there will be plentiful opportunities for bingeing unhealthy foods (there always are) and I must be careful of those.

Training for a marathon always helps. But keeping a reasonable diet is a constant challenge.

The Diamond Lane

Stop snitching.

During the school year I rise at five, to write and the prepare everyone for their day. A few years ago we began feeding the acts on a regular basis. One was becoming obese, the other has always been slender, regular feeding meant I could keep an eye on them and make sure the smaller one was actually eating his food.

Week Two Total: 19 miles
Training To Date: 37.75 miles

And so, on weekends, and when the schedule is different for everyone, like now, during the summer, the cats are patient until about six, when they will start pawing at things in our room. The widow, the door, sometimes the floor, all in an effort to wake us up to feed them.

It works.

Distance: 7 miles
Duration: 58:14
Pace: 8:19
Route: Uptown Loop
Temperature: 61°→65°
Climate: sunny & bright
Mood: good
Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Snack: banana

Dynamite run. Running, thinking, never dropping below 163. Not even up Murray Hill.

Took the Lakeview route, if I visit Pekar, Ness, and Freed it is an even seven miles from door to door. 

If you are visiting the grave of Harvey Pekar, be sure to bring a pen or pencil in lieu of stones. Ness had a toy police cruiser perched on top of his family plinth.

Chris has been in Boston, gets back today but he took advantage of the unique surroundings to take his seven mile yesterday, and good for him. I have a plan to run ten miles in Central Park next month.

I think I abraded my elbow. No idea how that happened.

Podrunner: The Diamond Lane (163 bpm)

We are only $250 shy of the goal in my TEAM CHALLENGE campaign to find a cure for Crohn's and colitis! Will you join the team, and get us to the finish line? Hit the TEAM CHALLENGE button at top right (or this link!) Many thanks!

Baseline: 179.5 lbs.
Today: 165.5 lbs. (-1.5)
Goal: 165 lbs.

Also, thoughts while driving. Jokes for the Victorian era, also a new scene for the running play.

2013 Bay Days 5 Mile Run

39th Annual Bay Days Run
Start: 8:30 am
Official time: 36:16.4
Place in division: 4
Place overall: 120
Pace: 7:15

Clock set for 6 AM, I woke at 5 when the cats decided to have game of Chase the Shit Out of Each Other. The chase woke me, the surprising gash one of them left in my right calf as they tore across the bed got me up. It was raining, but who knows. I got my kit on, packed fresh clothes, and drove all the way across town to where it all began.

Well, not exactly where it all began, the course used to be much more interesting and shaded. Now it is predictable, with far too many turns, no hills, and just flat, flat, flat. For a brief moment prior to start the clouds opened and temperature jumped up about five degrees. Luckily, the clouds moved in again and it was merely very humid, but not bright.

Used to get so anxious prior to a race, having to pee several times, forcing a movement. But now, shoot. Five miles? That's just ordinary. Only the pack freaks me out.

I did feel a bit queasy by the fifth mile, pushing to make a personal best, which I believe I did. I can only find records for my 1980 and 2007 Bay Day runs, six years ago it was 37:01. I don't do these every year, that may have been the last time I did.

Bay High Playlist
Relax (New York Mix) - Frankie Goes to Hollywood
Don't Box Me In - Stan Ridgway w/Stewart Copeland
Rock Me Tonight - Billy Sqier
The Glamous Life - Sheila E
Save It For Later - The Beat
We Close Our Eyes - Go West
? (Modern Industry) - Fishbone

And the weather's good

Have You Seen Me?
Male - Answers to the name "TIGER"
Last seen on Castleton Road Thursday night 2/17/11
2007 Playlist
Vegas - Calvin Harris
The News - Carbon Silicon
Umbrella - Rihanna
Apologize - Timbaland (Featuring OneRepublic)
Mister Sister - The Tender Box
Synchronize - Tomboy
Everybody Knows You CFried Last night - The Fratellis
Shake It - Metro Station
Girls and Boys In Love - The Rumble Strips
Stronger - Kanye West
Thnks Fr Th Mmrs - Fall Out Boy

Distance: 5.15 miles
Temperature: 48º
Weather: gorgeous (but windy)
Groundcover: clear!
Weight: 167 lbs.

Take me out of this messed up world

Good news ... Josh updated the ATYD promo video:



Bad news ... my cat died. He was an 18 year-old cat, he had been struggling with failing kidneys for what seems like ages now. He's soiled carpets, spent evenings yowling me awake ... but this weekend he truly took a turn. He stopped eating or drinking entirely, wasn't using the cat box (or any other part of the house) and he was getting very wobbly. Last night the wife and I took turn sitting up with him.

My wife stayed home today to work and look after the kitty. We held him non-stop for the better part of the past two days, finally she just let him sit outside in the sun. He liked that. He always wanted to be an outdoor cat. I wish I had let him be one.

We took him to the vet at the end of the workday today. It was a testament to his illness that being there didn't send him entirely around the bend. I was afraid the doctor would suggest interventions, which I would feel cruel refusing - knowing full well that interventions would make the boy miserable beyond belief - but the doctor said his body was shutting down. We "put him to sleep."

I am surprised at how much I cried, and how I did not want to leave him. Honestly, I think there was alot more going on there than one dead cat.

I got that boy when I was only 22 years old. I've buried an infant since then. The Great Speaker for the Bereaved, but I still don't get it and I'm terrified. I'm afraid of my own demise, but the death of those around me has me far more scared.

2004 Playlist
Call On Me (Eric Prydz vs Retarded Funk Mix) - Eric Prydz
Broken Glass - The Crystal Method
Take Me Out - Franz Ferdinand
Rocket Ride (160 BPM) - Felix da Housecat
Air - Owls
Future Sighting - I Am The World Trade Center
Beware - Punjabi MC ft. Jay-Z

Distance: 3.25 miles
Temperature: 57º
Weight: 154.5 lbs.