I don't want this feeling to go away.

Impromptu Boy Camp. The women are in Chicago, he and I alone, eating pizza and pancakes. But oddly, carb-free. That was a joke. These days I am possessed by anxiety, this morning was a real struggle, but a challenge I met, pushing through, taking notes, making calls, making contact.

There may be a big change on the horizon ... or not. If only this new therapist would call back and confirm an appointment. I have so much to talk about. Also, to read. Maybe, to write.

Would sketching help? Maybe it would. It has been a long time. That is its own type of meditation.

Distance: 3 miles
Route: Rec Center
Mood: angsty, but controlled
Exercises: yes

Good day for the two of us. Went bike shopping. Visited the Rec Center. A little weak from all the running (three days in a row!) and the machines, but that is a good, good thing.

2006 Playlist
Get Innocuous! - LCD Soundsystem
Upside Down - Jack Johnson
Get a Shot of the Refrigerator - Stereolab
Guess What - Keyshia Cole ft. Jadakiss
Ooh La La - Goldfrapp
My Love - Justin Timberlake
Everything's Just Wonderful - Lily Allen
North American Scum - LCD Soundsystem
The Sweet Escape - Gwen Stefani ft. Akon

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I'm just a man.

The women are en route to Chicago. My daughter is visiting colleges. Is that not strange? The boy and I will get some quantity time in... but first I'm taking a run with Chris.

Distance: 4.75 miles
Pace: 9:24
Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 43°
Climate: overcast & cool
Pavement: clear
Mood: all right

Bit winded, pushing hard, but two days in a row? Anyway, did that. Now to go bike shopping.

2016 Playlist
You Don't Get Me High Anymore - Phantogram
Angela - The Lumineers
Cheap Thrills - Sia
Soundcheck - Catfish and the Bottlemen
Human (Rudimental Mix) - Rag'n'Bone Man
Heathens - twenty one pilots
Born Again Teen - Lucius

Baseline: 179.5 lbs.
Today: 181.5 lbs. (+2.5)
Goal: 175 lbs.

Whatever.

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This is my parting counsel for you on your way.

First run with Chris in a couple weeks, a run outside. Cold today, not too cold. Looking forward to spring.

Distance: 4.85 miles
Pace: 9:25
Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 32°
Climate: cool & bright
Pavement: clear
Mood: okay, I guess

1972 Playlist
Stuck In The Middle With You - Stealers Wheel
Popcorn - Hot Butter
Watcher of the Skies - Genesis

Baseline: 179.5 lbs.
Today: 179 lbs. (-4.0)
Goal: 175 lbs.

Okay. We need a new scale.

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You ran away.

Another opening, the same old show. Good lord, I have been working on this thing for years, and now here it is. Will anyone come to see it? Will anyone care?

I have doubt.

Distance: 2.5 miles
Route: Rec Center
Mood: anxious
Exercises: yes!

1982 Playlist
Athena - The Who
Eaten By the Monster of Love - Sparks
Band of Gold - Modern Romance
Scorpio - Grandmaster Flash & the Furious Five
Gypsy - Fleetwood Mac
Mickey (En Español) - Toni Basil
Runaways - XTC

Was going to hold at two. Running hard, very dry, feeling winded. Then that last song came on and it was hard to stop.

Been working the machines. Feel weak. But a great way to deal with frustration.

Baseline: 179.5 lbs.
Today: 183 lbs.
Goal: 175 lbs.

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Well, it looks like the road to heaven ...

Nina broke her leg last weekend, and she is having surgery today. All the positive, healing thoughts, please.

Distance: 3 miles
Route: Rec Center
Mood: all right
Exercises: yes

Stepping out of the Rec Center this morning the sun and cool air hit me and I thought, hmn. I could have run outside today.

1992 Playlist
Freedom (Back to Reality Mix) - George Michael
Springtheme - Ween
The Pink Room - Angelo Badalamenti
Come Talk To Me - Peter Gabriel
Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover - Sophie B. Hawkins
The World's Green Laughter - The B-52's
Blood Makes Noise - Suzanne Vega
High - The Cure
If I Can't Change Your Mind - Sugar

That was a barn burner. Thank you, Mr. Mould.

Driving across town after lunch with my wife last week, from her place of employment, it occurred to me to stop at MacDonald's to have a Shamrock Shake.

Then I remembered that if I did that, I would have to write it down. So I decided not to have one, and in doing so I felt this strange feeling of liberation and began grinning like an idiot.

There is a freedom in choosing not to.

Ensemble Theatre presents the World Premiere of "The Way I Danced With You," opening March 21, 2019.

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Good puppy.

March has been a busy month. That is no excuse, but it is a fact. Appearing in matinee performances of Witness For the Prosecution at Great Lakes. Attending rehearsals for two plays, then arriving home to clear the kitchen. Morning meetings, taking the girl to get her driver's license.

Then there is my diet, which is all fucked up. Last weekend I buckled and bought two pair of 34" pants. I almost used the "F" word but we don't say that any more, at least not in its negative connotation. I feel that pants are like a tank for goldfish, the fish is only going to grow to accommodate the size of the tank, and that so will I.

For the time being, I will track my intake. It's not a shaming device, it's a way to remind myself exactly what I am putting in my mouth. How much, and what it is.

Intake: coffee, fiber & D gummies, white bagel with oil butter & melted cheese

Distance: 2 miles
Route: Rec Center
Mood: good, yeah.
Exercises: yes

I could have gone three, I chose not to. It's been a minute. No need to exhaust myself on the first day back. Keep it up, the temperature is supposed to spike for the next two days.

2002 Playlist
Shoot the Dog - George Michael
Return to Paradise (Mark De Clive-Lowe Remix) - Shirley Horn
Shelf Wobbler - Mr. Scruff
Soul Bossanova - Skeewiff

Cooldown:
Emerge (Daft Punk Mix) - Fisherspooner

Ah, those days. Jazzy trip-hop, downbeat afterhours muzak. We thought we were adult, but childhood was about to re-emerge. It always does.

Here's a tip, keep the music playing during the exercises. It helps motivate. Why would you turn it off? What are you trying to document?

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