Home again. Rainy day. Funny how a 64° morning, after a spring rain, can feel cooler than a dry 56°. Maybe it's the moisture in the air?
Distance: 3.1 miles
Duration: 28:57
Pace: 9:20
Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 64°
Climate: damp. nice.
Mood: all right
Last night, depression. This morning, better. I was awake for about an hour in the middle of the night, just when I would distract myself from one concern, another would take its place.
1977 Playlist
New Rose - The Damned
Love → Building on Fire Talking Heads
Gimme Gimme Shock Treatment - The Ramones
Point of Know Return - Kansas
Pulled Up - Talking Heads
Deacon Blues - Steely Dan
Solsbury Hill - Peter Gabriel
Dust in the Wind - Kansas
Good run, though. Lovely, après le déluge.
Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 165 lbs. (+3.0)
This is not a surprise. Lot of fast food, restaurant food, Maria's delicious, calorie-dense breakfasts. I need to eat at home, be mindful of portions, choose the salad, etc.
We have been aching lately. Check the exercise roster, that may have something to do with it. Hips, ankles, feet, knees. All a bit sore. Unpleasant.
Distance: 4.15 miles
Duration: 37:25
Pace: 9:01
But anyway, I did bring my kit to Cincinnati. I have a day all to myself, and that should include exercise. The forecast is wonderful and I would have seriously regretted not taking the opportunity for a run.
Route: Gaslight Loop (2x)
Temperature: 71°
Climate: dark clouds w/thunder in the distance
Mood: good?
1997 Playlist
Drinking In L.A. - Bran Van 3000
Candyman - Cornershop
Selfless, Cold & Composed - Ben Folds Five
Everything * - Mary J. Blige
Dark & Long - Underworld
MMMBop - Hanson
The Impression That I Get - The Mighty Mighty Bosstones
Atom Bomb (Atomix 1) - Fluke
Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Decent rest. Good breakfast, Maria always makes something nice. Now, what am I going to do with the rest of the day? The last time I was in this room, I was writing and doing research for the play that goes up later this month. Today, I may just read.
The old man is not well, his eye is ulcerated and requires medicine and attention. Friday night he woke me up several times, to get under the covers which is nice except when he gets in and out of bed.
Distance: 3.1 miles
Duration: 26:44
Pace: 8:37
Also, the new cat likes to get on top of me when I sleep, which is usually pleasant, but if Tiger is under the covers, then that's an issue. Anyway, it was a bad night's sleep.
Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 57°
Climate: overcast & beautiful
Mood: all right
Today, I will travel to Cincinnati to attend a recital/gig. The wife remains at home to care for an old cat.
2017 Playlist
Formidable Cool - Wolf Alice
Waving Through a Window - Ben Platt
On Hold - The xx
Green Light (Chromeo Remix) - Lorde
Serotonin Rushes - Fujiya & Miyagi
We Got the Power - Gorillaz ft. Jehnny Beth
High Ticket Attractions- New Pornographers
Bad Liar- Selena Gomez
Twenty years ago, on April 10, 2006, I was lamenting the fact that, though I had taken a running kit with me to London, I hadn't done any running. By that time in my life, I had gotten used to -- nay, looked forward to -- taking a run in New York City. Not that I had done it a lot, but I did a few times when I was there for the 2004 NY Fringe.
"Ran roughly four miles. Man, Sunday it is a free-for-all, everyone running in every direction. Keep your head up."
Millennium Bridge, 2006
But that was because I was squatting at an apartment two blocks from the Central Park on the Upper East Side. I knew my way around that part of New York.
What's On Daddy's iPod? Transatlanticism - Death Cab for Cutie
In spring 2006, we were staying at my brother's place in Battersea. I had not yet started using mapping programs to find my way around unusual places. The next year, when we returned for the I Hate This tour, I took a run in London and another in Plymouth. I had learned how to prepare.
This weekend, I am preparing by running at home on Sunday morning, and then hopefully on Tuesday, so I don't need to run in Cincinnati at all.
Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 162 lbs. (+2.0)
We're eating more junk food! Lot of grazing. And cookies. Time to bear down again.
This year has been unnecessarily stressful. I mean, you could say that reaching back to forever. But in these recent years I had relaxed into a certain mode, one which involved seeing movies on my own, reading more, cooking, that kind of thing. I need to get back to that. Because otherwise, I'm just watching videos on YouTube.
Am I still middle age? Or am I leaning senior? I'm cool either way. Whatever. You know.
Distance: 3.1 miles
Duration: 27:13
Pace: 8:46
Spring vacillates. Perfect temps in the morning, it will rain this afternoon. So we run.
Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 59°
Climate: gorgeous
Mood: all right
1968 Playlist
Requiem pour un con - Serge Gainsbourg
The Letter - Nirvana Sitar & String Group
I Say a Little Prayer - Aretha Franklin
Daydream Believer - The Monkees
All Along the Watchtower - Jimi Hendrix
Harper Valley PTA - Jeannie C. Riley
Green Tambourine - The Lemon Pipers
Born to Be Wild - Steppenwolf
Classical Gas - Mason Williams
Those Were the Days * - Mary Hopkins
Man. Those kids would listen to anything.
Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 160 lbs. (-1.0)
Sometimes, often these days, I think about all the running. And that's not good. Because I think, God. That's a lot of running. And then I think, why am I doing this? It brings my enthusiasm down. Then I pull myself together and get out there, and I feel great. I feel great now, having run.
Folks think running is hard. But it's really just getting out there that is.
A day off, at home. Entirely off, no outside responsibilities, except those that I have put off until today, to work on at my leisure. The house is a bit of a mess, isn't it always. But I have done laundry, and hope to sit out of doors and handle some extra-curricular work.
I spelled that correctly without even having to look it up.
Distance: 4 miles
Duration: 35:56
Pace: 8:57
Soon, baseball! Our first game is Monday. Should be cold and rainy, we shall see.
Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 74°
Climate: clear, breezy & warm
Mood: working it
1978 Playlist
Rasputin (Club Mix) - Boney M. ft. G. Mart
It Gets Me - The Rezillos
Every 1's a Winner - Hot Chocolate
Last Dance (12" Version) - Donna Summer
Tommy Gun - The Clash
Driver's Seat (12" Version) - Sniff'n'The Tears
This Year's Girl - Elvis Costello & the Attractions
Come Together - Aerosmith
Spinning Top - XTC
Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 160 lbs. (-0-)
"Driver's Seat" was released in October 1978. Listening to that one-hit wonder on my run today, I was hit with a wave of memory, subtly felt memory. I was confused by the timing, because it was a preadolescent confusion ... but I was only ten that season.
I was, however, in fifth grade. And then it made sense. Because that was a big year. Later songs had more definition, this was a vibe, tapping into something that was only just beginning.
Did a two hour shift at the food bank on Monday. I can't complain, my life is good. We were packing boxes for seniors, boxes would come down a (slowly moving) conveyor belt, and we would put items into it as it passed. My job was picking up two, one gallon grape juice bottles and placing them up and into the box next to each other.
Yeah, my arms are still a little sore. But I also have a repetitive stress injury in my right index finger. Two hours, that's no time at all. What a difficult gig. We packed 360 boxes. Worth it.
Distance: 4 miles
Duration: 35:49
Pace: 8:56
Some times, you just need to take an extra day. Parking buses, lots of time on my feet. And the weather has disagreed ... until today.
Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 73°
Climate: sunny & warm
Mood: all right
We finish March strong. Didn't think I could say that a week ago. In like a lion, out like a lamb. Fifteen runs. High-five.
Distance: 3.1 miles
Duration: 27:21
Pace: 8:49 (fuck, yes)
The other night, when I had a migraine, I had a new experience. Not an entirely unfamiliar experience, but a very disconcerting one. I kept hallucinating. Waking dreams.
I would try to drift off, I would try to clear my mind, which is difficult to do when your head aches, and I would suddenly, very suddenly, be in some place, with something troubling to do. Like, I had spilled things I needed to pick up, or that there was something to find.
But I wasn't asleep. Or I was, for that one moment, and then just awake enough to tell myself, "This isn't real, you are in a bed, forget this, rest and sleep." And then it would happen all over again. It was horrible
A weekend journey to St. Paul to see my niece’s senior year spring play. As it happened, this was also the weekend of the largest civil protest in recent American history so I made plans to attend that, too.
And we brought our shoes. I wanted to run this morning, but managed to do absolutely everything possible to ensure I would have not only a headache, but a killer migraine.
I had two beers over a late, post-show dinner, and no water. I retired last night not only after midnight, but after midnight Central Time. To me it was 1:30 am.
The pillow was too thick, it was chilly so I wore my PJ bottoms to bed and had three blankets. I woke up maybe an hour later, practically baking and with terrible head pain.
I have also not brought any pain medication nor Dramamine. And I got sick to my stomach. It was bad. Fortunately, my sister-in-law gave me some extra strength OTC migraine medication and I was able to finally sleep. I felt bad, missing out on morning time with my brothers family, I finally got up around noon.
Distance: 3.3 miles
Duration: 29:54
Pace: 9:03
The No Kings event at the Minnesota State Capitol Building was epic. The last time I visited the capitol was in 2015, that’s where they put the finish line for the Twin Cities Marathon.
It was a rogues gallery of MN progressive pols, including Gov. Tim Walz, Rep. Ilhan Omar, and St. Paul Mayor Kaohly Her. Sen. Bernie Sanders also present, and Jane Fonda, too. Performers included Bruce Springsteen, Joan Baez, Maggie Rogers and … Tom Morello? I think?
After standing for four hours (including the bus ride there) I thought of taking a nap. I mean, I barely slept last night. But the weather was so nice. In fact, if I had taken a run this morning, it would have been thirty degrees. Tomorrow morning will also be thirty degrees.
Route: Fairview & Summit to the Mississippi and back
Temperature: 54°
Climate: clear with light clouds
Mood: positive
1969 Playlist
Skylarking - Horace Andy
Do What You Wanna - Ramsey Lewis Trio
Two of Us (Naked Version) - The Beatles
Sex Machine - Sly & the Family Stone
Only the Strong Survive - Jerry Butler
We're Not Gonna Take It - The Who
Sugar, Sugar - Archies
Stretches: I need to do better with this.
Water: yes
Big river.
I suited up, and took a gorgeous pre-sunset run down Summit Avenue to the Mississippi. Many other runners were out, too.
Listening to the finale from Tommy … Andrew Hickey is currently covering the late-60s Who with an emphasis on the creation of that album. My brother turned me onto that when I was twelve or thirteen, and I am still a big fan. I think I will use that as an album for running when the year runs have concluded.
Tommy sings, “Here comes Uncle Ernie to show you to your very own machine.” Surely, Tommy realized it was him after his senses were restored (if they were even truly gone) and yet, gave him a job at his camp. The Uncle Ernies of the world always get a pass. Even those who play him on stage.
I would ask, "What have I done to deserve this?" But I am well aware of all the things I have done, good and bad, and I have to assume this all balances out. The question is, can I learn from this experience. I think it means a lot that I have been able to accomplish as much as I have this year under this duress.
Jesus. Every gluten-free cookie, turned to ground glass.
Distance: 3.1 miles
Duration: 28:04
Pace: 9:03
Depression is deadening. And it is a challenge to keep moving forward. You know, there are times when I have said the wrong thing, done the wrong thing, and I just suffer through, aware of the damage I myself have caused, to others, and by extension to myself, hoping for that day that the ache has passed, and that life, for me, anyway, has resumed some kind of normalcy.
Then there are times like this, when I am just the unfortunate receptor of several unfortunate attacks, in quick succession, often unrelated, but so personal. And I don't know what to do about that. I have no one to talk to about it, no one to trust with this.
I've have spent years, my entire adult life, learning to be careful with my speech, with what I say. Even more recently, what not to put into an email. God, I'm angry. Calm, and sad, and very angry. And no one knows. No one but you.
1989 Playlist
Gucci Again - Schoolly D
She's a Mystery To Me - Roy Orbison
Buffalo Stance - Neneh Cherry
Chewing Gum - Elvis Costello
Steppin' to the A.M. - 3rd Bass
Big House - Michael Penn
She Drives Me Crazy - Fine Young Cannibals
The Garden of Earthly Delights - XTC
Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 165 lbs. (+4.0)
I can't explain this.
Planks: TBA
Push-ups: TBA
Sit-Ups: TBA
These are the days. Sunrise over the park, perfectly cool -- but not too cool. Comfortable, free and easy. I need more of this.
We watched the premiere episode of SNL UK on Sunday evening. Wet Leg was the musical act.
Man, I love music. I'm a middle aged Gen Xer and I love all music. Like, all music. Except, you know. Midwest Emo.
Distance: 3 miles
Duration: 25:22
Jesus Christ. My wife told me something last night that really cut to my already fragile sense of self-esteem like it was something amusing. I'm still kind of in shock. Not good.
Oh, well. Eat less, exercise more. Lose more weight. That's what I usually do.
Route: rec center Temperature: 24° Climate: cold Mood: very sad
2009 Playlist
Gold Guns Girls - Metric
In For the Kill - La Roux
Hell (166 bpm) - Tegan and Sara
Heads Will Roll - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Sea of Heartbreak - Rosanne Cash ft. Bruce Springsteen
You’re Not Alone - Olive
Animal - Miike Snow
Stretches: yes Water: yes Weight: 161 lbs. (-0-)
Planks: yes Push-ups: yes
Sit-Ups: yes
It is at moments like this that I either 1) lose the impetus to move or 2) run on automatic and accomplish things through sheer force of will. I will attempt the latter. Eventually, I will incorporate this ugly moment into my psyche and it will become something I simply harbor and never mention again.
Sitting by the fire, or in warmer weather, on one of our porches, to write uninterrupted or, more recently, to read, is a morning ritual that provides me peace and clarity of mind.
This is where I take my first cup of coffee and, more recently, a tall glass of water. This is how I choose to begin my day, and those are generally the best mornings.
Distance: 3 miles
Duration: 27:44
Pace: 8:57
The working week began with a Macbeth workshop at JCU, and concluded with a Macbeth workshop at Ideastream. And last night the wife and I decided, hey! Why not go see the show?
Working My Way Back to You/Forgive Me, Girl - The Spinners
Dance This Mess Around (Party Mix) - The B-52's
Too Hot - Kool & The Gang
They Don't Know - Kirsty MacColl
Down in the Park - Tubeway Army ft. Gary Numan
Hold On - Ian Gomm
London's Burning - The Clash
Fool In the Rain - Led Zeppelin
Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 161 lbs. (-0-)
Yesterday we celebrated Calvin, visited Riverside, made every thing look nice and festive. The brick, which we planed by the front step some time ago, has been neglected. I couldn't find it for a moment, it was under a half-inch of soil. But I cleared, cleaned, and colored it up.
Between those celebrations and our Saturday evening date, there was no time for a run, but hey. I guess I banked that last weekend. Good for me!
Oh, great. Another cold. What the actual. I have to say, parking the buses in sub-freezing temps does take a physical toll, but seriously? Anyway, runny nose, high feeling in my chest -- though that's actually the Sudafed. Been taking a lot of Sudafed this season
Distance: 3.1 miles
Duration: 27:54
Pace: 8:59
Brisk run, enjoyable. I didn't wat to do it, I feel now like I might regret it. But I enjoyed the run itself very much.
So, we have been doing the every other day thing for more than a year. Pretty incredible. I am proud of me.
There are things that I have had on my schedule for months which have been brought to a kind of conclusion. The reunion. The commission. I should feel a sense of relief, and in a way, I do.
I'm also really tired. So is the wife. I guess this is what life is now. Maybe it always has been.
Here's the thing about the New Cat. Last fall we began our foster parenthood for a tortoiseshell kitty named Diwali, when the boy's boyfriend went to college.
I was concerned about this, because when we brought Masha into our house in late 2024, it almost killed Tiger. Maybe Masha had nothing to do with it, but she wouldn't leave the old man alone and he started becoming very ill, indeed. He recovered, but I was worried another kitty would outright murder him.
The wife theorized that a new, younger cat would occupy Masha, and they would both leave Tiger alone. And she was right! That is pretty much what has happened.
Distance: 3.1 miles
Duration: 28:29
Pace: 9:11
However, I now love Diwali and am also even more concerned about her leaving when the boy's boyfriend moves off-campus and can assume possession of his cat.
In the meantime, Diwali likes to sleep on top of me. When I sleep on my side, she gets on my hips, or my thigh or my knees. I would think this would be uncomfortable for her, but its not. And it's sweet. Except it also means having a weight on my legs for hours at a time, which can be uncomfortable, even painful.
When I am in training, my knees can hurt a lot, and my thighs, or my back. I can only imagine how dreadful this would become with this cat sleeping on them.
Ball of Confusion (That's What the World is Today) - The Temptations
25 or 6 to 4 - Chicago
Mother Sky - CAN
No Sugar Tonight/New Mother Nature - The Guess Who
Thank You (Falettinme Be Mice Elf Again) - Sly & the Family Stone
Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 165 lbs. (+5.0)
So, the scale says I gained five pounds, which makes sense. I feel like I have gained five pounds, I woke with my belly full. This is what I am talking about. There's been a lot. There just needs to be fewer.
Planks: yes
Push-ups: yes
Sit-Ups: yes
The wife and I have just been tired and not up to speed, for weeks. The sore throat is back. Because I'm dehydrated. Even though I have been drinking water. My legs felt heavy, that's been a while. Good run, though.
We are in weather insanity season. Sixty degrees and rain, thirty degrees and snow, fifty degrees and high winds, twenty degrees and cold. I hate it.
Distance: 3.1 miles
Duration: 27:53
Pace: 8:59
At the same time, I am also tired of running in circles indoors.
Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 33°
Climate: sunny & cool
Mood: not bad
1990 Playlist
Enjoy the Silence (Hands & Feet Mix) - Depeche Mode
My Friend Goo - Sonic Youth
U Can't Touch This - MC Hammer
Mama Said Knock You Out (12" Remix) - LL Cool J
From This Moment On - Jimmy Somerville
The Power (12" Version) - SNAP!
Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 160 lbs.
Maintaining. The past two days I have had a lot of restaurant produced foods, from Sushi En, McDonalds, Stone Oven, XYZ, Provence at the CMA. And snacking, a milkshake, Twizzlers. Not good.
But this is why: I have not been cooking. There are few leftovers, which is good, because we have been eating them and not letting them go bad. But I need to make a dinner. Tonight, for example! I will make dinner tonight. It's an at-home day. Lots of writing and housework to do.
Planks: TBA
Push-ups: yes
Sit-Ups: yes
See you tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow. It's going to be seventy degrees. See?
I don't know if I have ever recorded this, but it is a remarkable phenomenon which has occurred many, many times at the very beginning of an outdoor run, but is forgotten by the time it has concluded.
It only happens out of doors, if it is particularly windy. A single tear will fall from my left eye. One tear, just once, and always and only from my left eye. Why is this?
Finally remembered to make note. Took long enough. Anyway, back to the gym.
Distance: 3 miles
Duration: 27:08
Feeling particularly unmotivated this morning. Prefer to sit by the fire and do puzzles. I now believe puzzles to be the opiate of the masses. Sondheim was a master puzzler, but that was the way his mind worked. If he wasn't being clever he wasn't alive.
That's true of me, too. But I haven't written a Sweeney Todd yet.
Route: rec center
Temperature: 30°
Climate: cold
Mood: uninspired
2010 Playlist
One Day - Kings Go Forth
Too Dramatic - Ra Ra Riot
Rocketeer - Far East Movement ft. whoever
Pow Pow - LCD Soundsystem
Journal of Ardency - Class Actress
Holiday - Vampire Weekend
Cold War - Janelle Monáe
Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 160 lbs.
The weather was nice, now it's not. That brings me down. The bash is behind me, so there's a letdown there. And I do have a number of things to do, right now, which is making me tense but it really shouldn't, they aren't bad things. They are just ... responsibilities.
Also? The year 2010 reminds me of being a poor artist and a weak father.
Planks: yes
Push-ups: yes
Sit-Ups: TBA
Our tummy is getting flatter. We are no longer processing calories, we are transforming them. I'm talking about us here. The royal me.
There is something amazing about running on a spring day. When the air is perfect and the sidewalks are clear. It makes me feel so much stronger (not sure if that is the right word) and confident, and it feels so much better than when it is too cold, or running indoors.
The temps will dip again in a week. I'd love to not have to go to the gym for a while.
Distance: 3.1 miles
Duration: 27:38
Pace: 8:54
Getting that hour back, lost by Daylight Saving Time is particularly difficult this year. That it coincided with the gala did not help. Sunday was useless. Today isn't much better.
Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 66°
Climate: overcast & ideal
Mood: on the case
You may notice my posts have gotten longwinded. Once upon a time, they were quite brief, now I go on about all manner of things relating to my personal life (ideally related to my personal health) and there is a good reason for this:
I write them in advance.
Distance: 3.1 miles
Duration: 29:29
Pace: 9:30
I used to compose my posts after I took a run. Ostensibly, to write about the run I just had. Which can be tedious.
"Had a run. The run was good. Weather is nice. Ah, uh. Yeah."
Because right after I have had a run, I am sweaty and winded and my keyboard gets drippy and salty. Better to reflect on how I am feeling between runs, when I can think and I am dry.
As with the playlists, which I plan in advance because there is nothing worse than trying to decide what to listen to right when I am about to head out. The "year" playlists are the best because I don't need to think about those at all, they are just there.
2000 Playlist
Mr. E's Beautiful Blues - Eels
Saginou - Zulya
Renegades of Funk - Rage Against the Machine
The National Anthem - Radiohead
Ms. Jackson - Outkast
Oops! ... I Did It Again - Britney Spears
Bye Bye Bye - *Nsync
Playground Love - Air ft. Thomas Mars
I even jot down what the first song will be, in advance. Usually the newest track to add to the list.
Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 160 lbs.
Late night. Survival run this afternoon. So many plans laid to waste. But it was a wonderful party.
On Wednesday, I received the announcement from the NYC Marathon that I did not make the lottery. I will not be going to New York this fall, at least, not to run in the marathon. There will be no 20 year celebration of my first marathon, I will not be attempting a fifth race, not this year.
Distance: 4.5 miles
Duration: 40:45
Pace: 9:03
I also resisted the temptation to sign up for a fund raising team. I told myself, if I do not get in, I am not going. Fund raising for Chicago made me culpable. Days before the race I knew it would not go well, but I felt responsible to the people who had donated, I had to run the race. I never want that to happen again, if I don't feel up to the race, I won't race.
Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 66°
Climate: beautiful, man. just beautiful
Mood: apprehensive
Because I have a show that weekend, Halloween weekend. When I signed up for New York, that was when I learned there would be a conflict. A November 1st race? Uh, okay. I'll put my foot in. We'll see what happens. It didn't happen. And that's fine.
2020 Playlist
On Division St - Nation of Language
Murphy's Law - Róisín Murphy
Compression - Monica LaPlante
It Might Be Time - Tame Impala
Heart of Glass (Live from the iHeart Festival) - Miley Cyrus
Dying to Believe - The Beths
Energy - Disclosure
Strange Times - Gorillaz ft. Robert Smith
Hollywood - Car Seat Headrest
Model Village - Idles
BandAid - Nur-D
Having said all that, I need to remember why I run. If I am not training, what am I running to? What am I running for? The running is its own reward. I remain fit. Noom helped me get to 160, and I have stayed there, it is the best weight for me to be. And since I quite the app (it does cost some money) I have maintained my eating habits, drinking water, and the exercise. And more exercise, the sit-ups, the push-ups -- not a lot, I'll never be muscular, and I don't need to be. But maintenance. Remaining fit.
And I enjoy the music.
Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 160 lbs. (-0-)
I wanted to run yesterday. It was a beautiful day, but I had to work later than usual, and by the time I got home it was sundown. I no longer run outdoors after dark, it's just not safe. And by that, I mean I could trip or at the very least, run tentatively, afraid of running into something, and that can cause strained muscles and sore knees. Better not to.
Daily life is dizzying. Glad to be well again. A week feeling poor, my sore throat finally abated entirely by Sunday. Last night I came home from work just feeling tired. Not ill, not weak, just sleepy. I had a short night, making dinner for all, then getting in bed by eight. Why not? I thought of those times I had too much to do and felt despair (yes! despair!) knowing how long it would be before I could rest, and how much little rest I would get.
That did not prevent me from waking up at four and taking an hour to get back to sleep ... for another twenty minutes.
I have been having dreams about looking at my phone. That should be a sign. I had posted a video of a fire that had accidentally started in a scene shop at a local theater and then realized I probably shouldn't post that and wandered around trying to get it deleted from all the different social media sites, meanwhile, all around me, the Human League performed a house concert in my kitchen, and a troupe of African dancers were rehearsing in the hallway.
Beautiful art and music was happening all around me, and I was focused on my phone.
Distance: 3 miles
Duration: 26:31
Back to the gym. The elder and I discuss when we will run together, and when we will run apart. We are making plans.
New shoes. They did not have 880s in stock, which is shocking because every white man in America over the age of fifty wears NB 880. They did have 1080s, which are like walking on marshmallows. Doesn't necessarily sound like a bad thing, but I'm so high off the ground I was worried I might twist an ankle or something.
This did not happen. The elder and I both got new kicks, there may be a 10K in our future. Maybe.
Good partner run. But cold. But good. Very impressed they ran a 5K easily, our first time out in a while.
Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 27°
Climate: sunny & cold, light wind
Mood: all right
Thirteen runs in February, illness took my off my game but I only missed one. Hope to make fifteen in March. March, right?
1991 Playlist
Diane - Material Issue
Good Vibrations - Marky Mark & the Funky Bunch ft. Loleatta Holloway
Visions of You - Jah Wobble's Invaders of the Heart ft. Shuhada' Sadaqat
Mind cloud. I do have things to accomplish. I am on a bit of a brain sabbatical. There is some writing, though. I think this weekend might be good, we'll see. I just convinced myself that I don't actually just write down whatever comes into my head. Except here.
Distance: 3.1 miles
Duration: 28:41
Pace: 9:15
Tuesday evening I started feeling something in the back of my throat, but it wasn't until Wednesday night that it broke out into something debilitating. That night I slept for twelve hours. And yet, by the time I got to urgent care -- today -- nothing. Post nasal drip? What? Anyway, I have a sore throat.
And the weather is nice.
Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 53°
Climate: partly cloudy & cool
Mood: a little drowsy
2011 Playlist
We Will Become Silhouettes - The Shins
Ritual Union - Little Dragon
Kyoto - Skrillex ft. Sirah
Little Talks - Of Monsters & Men
We Found Love - Rihanna ft. Calvin Harris
Money - The Drums
Don't Play No Game That I Can't Win - Beastie Boys ft. Santigold
Dance Wiv Me - Dizzee Rascal ft. Calvin Harris & Chrom3
In two more runs, I will be halfway through the year runs. And soon we will know if we will be attempting "number five." What's good about the year runs is that I don't have to think about what I am listening to next. If we return to training, that will be something to plan for.
The wife reminds me that I am often depressed (maudlin, low energy, etc.) this time of year. Yes, it is the anniversary of father's passing, but it's also just winter. The long, slow slog out of the cold, with no festival of lights, no time off or time with family to bring the cheer.
The Olympics have been fun to watch, Toni gave me that. I do not recall paying any attention to the Games prior to my life with her. The past two weeks I have just turned on the screen to watch whatever, skiing, curling, snowboarding, skating, and, of course, the hockey.
We had a hometown hero on our team this year, and they took the gold. Remarkable.
Distance: 3 miles
Duration: 24:34
I need to resume the good habits. Too many puzzles, first thing in the morning. Today I wrote, which, I have to remind myself, is a form of exercise. Add a glass of water to the cup of coffee, first thing, as you write for 30 minutes. Good habits.
Route: rec center
Temperature: 16°
Climate: cold
Mood: I think I might be better!
It's like I have this lingering ugh. I have been exhausted, you know? That and I sobbed like a lost child on Friday, like I haven't cried in a very long time. It was brought on by Spit of You. It's always a song.
But yeah, strange. What does the anniversary of a death mean, anyway? A time for remembrance, but as I said, it is also a reminder of the decade just passed. I did a lot of thinking on Thursday. Friday was just emotionally draining.
Or I'm just tired.
Distance: 3 miles
Duration: 27:25
Then, this morning, as I was "detailing" the Element (the wife has gone out of town for the week) I struck my head on the rear open door. Had my head down, walked my full weight into it and now I have a half-inch wide gash across my forehead.
I have never minded being bald. I first noticed the pattern of hair loss when I was twenty-three and that was a surprise but I got over it pretty fast. I mean, I don't like insults or, as some people call them, "jokes" not because I am embarrassed for being bad but because, like most people, I care to be insulted. Body shaming comes in all forms, just like people, and excuse me for sounding like a wounded white man, but bald jokes do seem like the last acceptable form of body shaming.
No, the one thing that has always made me unhappy about not having hair is when I hit my head and there's a mark or a scab, I am very self-conscious about that. It is a visible sign of clumsiness, I feel it makes me look like a stupid guy. I have a scar at the top of my head from repeated abrasions and scrapes. And there's no hair to hide it.
Route: rec center
Temperature: 30°
Climate: snowy
Mood: depressed
Twenty years ago on this date, February 22, 2006, I had just had my first physical in six years. We ate dessert those days, and often. Probably came with having children. Sweet, little children. We rarely have a dessert any more, they are for occasional splurges.
It's also my first mention of Netflix, which was, at that time, solely a DVD rental-by-mail service. It was surprising to learn they were still doing that until three years ago. Last movie they ever shipped? True Grit (2010). Thank goodness it wasn't something embarrassing, huh?
2001 Playlist
Les Fleur - 4hero ft. Carina Andersson
Superheroes - Daft Punk
Point of View Point - Cornelius
Exquisite Corpse from “Hedwig and the Angry Inch” OMPS
Breathe - Télépopmusik ft. Angela McCluskey
Packt Like Sardines in a Crushd Tin Box - Radiohead
Face to Face - Daft Punk
Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 161 lbs. (-1.0)
Back to the gym. It was a good week, and I'm glad that I thought to write that. The running was good.
Wednesday night I was on my own, the wife at a dinner, the elder at their internship. It has been a while since I have been on my own with nothing to do myself. And since the kids have graduated high school, I have tried to take advantage of opportunities like these to do things I always told myself I wanted to -- like to watch movies on my own.
I have also been affected by the use of screens, the inability to focus on one story from beginning to end. It's easier at the cinema. On Monday I treated myself to The Testament of Ann Lee. I went out, had a beer, got popcorn, and watched a flick, all by my lonesome.
Wednesday night, I took time to make a list of possible selections. I chose M, Fritz Lang's 1931 psychological thriller which introduced the world to Peter Lorre.
Goodness. Isn't that film timely.
Distance: 3.1 miles
Duration: 28:11
Pace: 9:05
Ten years ago yesterday, my life changed forever. Maybe it is too facile to think that only the death of someone close to me defines my existence, but upon reflection it certainly seems that way. When Calvin was born in 2001, I became a different person, suddenly, and then gradually. I thought differently, looked at the world and the people in it differently.
When my father died of a massive heart attack on the morning of February 19, 2016, my world shifted again, and I moved into this new phase of my life with uncertainty, but also a new purpose.
With the deaths of Bowie and Prince at around the same time, it became a meme that year, "Everyone is dying! Put a ring around Betty White!" Yeah, well. As George St. Geegland put it, "When a famous person dies, blame the year and make it about you." My father died in 2016, it wasn't part of a curse, it was thing that happened. It was going to happen, fathers die.
As will I, some day. Most mornings these days I say farewell to our elder child as they head off to the openings shift at a local bakery and coffee shop. I am their father. As he was to me, I am to them. I hope I live so long. Longer, though. When did my father stop running? Why did he stop running? I feel like it was something he did for a short while, starting later than I did, and stopping before this. I do not recall.
The exercise keeps me healthy, and fit. Will it extend my existence?
Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 52°
Climate: sunny & damp
Mood: sad
I am so sick of some people.
2021 Playlist
Be Sweet - Japanese Breakfast
Security - Amyl & The Sniffers
The Overload - Yard Act
Now I'm In It - Haim
Wet Dream - Wet Leg
Freedom - Jon Batiste
Russian Doll - Gully Boys
The Gathering - Frank Turner
Spit of You - Sam Fender
Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 162 lbs. (+2.0)
We watched the USA Gold match yesterday. I had fried pickles, mozzarella moons and onion rings. Then I didn't eat anything for the rest of the day.
Would the weekend have been as taxing if I were not ill? As we continue into the week, I feel as though I have had a piece of me bitten off. Disoriented, dizzier.
My run on Monday, as I reported, included a few near spills. Slips on snow and ice. I don't want to become like my father, falling all the time. Losing my balance.
I wonder if household falls are going to become an issue for me. I have never liked how cluttered our house is, having to navigate piles of stuff. Our halls are too narrow for this. I am going to tumble backward and break my hip, or worse.
Distance: 3.1 miles
Duration: 29:25
Pace: 9:28
We are making plans for the Cleveland 10K, and by we, I mean me and one other. It will require training. The race is on 16 May. Ten years ago, that weekend, it fucking snowed. It could again, right? I mean, who knows what the fuck will happen?
This morning I was socked with a migraine. I haven't felt such head pain in, I am glad to say, I very long time. Much of this was my fault, stayed up later than my body wanted me to, didn't drink enough water last night. I had head pain all night, in the morning I tried to fight through it, but there is only so much you can do. I even took a shower, and almost fell over in the tub. Not good.
Two ibuprofen, one Sudafed, and a Dramamine -- it's the Dramamine I could have used twenty years ago, the sick feeling of the migraine that makes it unendurable. I was able to sleep for three solid hours.
Thank God, it's Presidents Day. We had a lovely weekend with my wife's family, celebrating the life of her eldest uncle. I do love spending time with her family, very much. They are all so thoughtful, compassionate and creative. The service was remarkable. It was held in a chapel in Hyde Park, the priest gave the most sincerely affecting homily, I don't believe I have ever left a memorial service feeling so hopeful.
At the same time, I was nursing my cold and felt a bit stand-offish. I wanted to thank her, to thank the musician at the reception, our hosts, but I kept losing the moment. I can still do these things (well, not for the guitarist) and will make a note to do so.
Distance: 3.5 miles
Duration: 34:21
Pace: 9:49
We took the Lake Shore Limited. We discussed the possibility of never flying into NYC again. True, it takes half a day to get there, but so what? It's so much cheaper, the taxi from LaGuardia to wherever we're staying -- one way -- is one hundred bucks all by itself, and you get dropped off in the heart of the city! And it's not like air travel has anything to recommend it, it's maybe half the time, all told, right? Six hours, as opposed to twelve?
And you can read on the train, take a walk, relocate for a bit, they have acceptable food options, or you can bring your own.
Then again, returning home today. Not sleeping on the coach, and it was so cold. I am so sick and tired of cold. Pulling in at 4:00 am. The day is a complete write-off. Thank God, it's Presidents Day.
Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 50°
Climate: sunny & lovely
Mood: more determined than ever
Pavement damp, puddled, or clogged with crispy snow. Nearly wiped out twice from slipping, once almost falling forward, the second to the side. Still, ran steady but easy, stopping when necessary, into the street when the sidewalk was high with snow and the street was free.
First outdoor run since the Turkey Trot, first park run since November 22. The gym is so even, so controlled, so predictable (others notwithstanding) the outdoors makes me breath harder, think harder, move harder. It is more taxing to run outdoors. It is more rewarding.
1992 Playlist
One Place (Acoustic) - Everything But the Girl
Eastern Bloc - Thomas Dolby
Mama's Always On Stage - Arrested Development
Television is the Drug of the Nation - Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy
Twenty years ago, on February 14, 2006, I noted how I felt running would prolong my life. I said that I hoped our elder child to be "older than this before I die." I was thirty-seven then. They are now twenty-three. So I just need to hang on another fourteen years.
February 14, 2006 Playlist
Remember the Time - Michael Jackson
Closer to God - Nine Inch Nails
Party Machine - Hoodoo Gurus
All Night Long - Peter Murphy
Burning Love - Elvis Presley
Atom Bomb (Atomix 1) - Fluke
Dead Man's Party - Oingo Boingo
Run On - Elvis Presley
Distance: 3 miles
Duration: 28:36
This weekend we took the train to Poughkeepsie for a celebration of life event. I have suffered a cold the past few days (it started in while I was teaching Wednesday afternoon) and while I could have taken the mile long walk from Toni's cousin's place to the hotel, I am weary of being cold.
Temps pick up this week, for a bit. But will the pavement in East Cleveland be clear enough for the first outdoor run of 2026? We shall see.
Site: Heartwood Hotel at Vassar (exercise room, treadmill)
Temperature: 30°
Climate: cool & clear
Mood: addled
2012 Playlist
Another Night - Claptone
Five Seconds - Twin Shadow
Sweet Nothing - Calvin Harris ft. Florence Welch
I Knew You Were Trouble. - Taylor Swift
Default - Django Django
Youth Without Youth - Metric
Can't Hold Us - Macklemore & Ryan Lewis ft. Ray Dalton
Stretches: yes
Water: yes
We're reading more books! I made it a goal to read twenty books (or full length scripts) in 2026, and recently finished both Dark Renaissance by Stephen Greenblatt and Monsters by Claire Dederer.
"Love is not reliant on judgment, but on a decision to set judgment aside."
- Claire Dederer, Monsters
Now onto the play script, Up Your Ass by Valerie Solanas. Happy Valentine's Day!
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