On days like this, in times like these.

Distance: 2 miles
Duration: 19:04
Pace: 9:31
Route: Two times around the block.
Temperature: 52°
Climate: over cast & cool
Mood: not good, but hey.
Weight: 188.5 lbs. (+0.5)

What's That Lyric?
This Corrosion - Sisters of Mercy

Change must be earned.

Distance: 2 miles
Duration: 19:33
Pace: 9:47
Route: Two times around the block
Temperature: 61°
Climate: overcast & cool
Mood: anxious
Weight: 188 lbs. (-0-)

What's That Lyric?
Sacrificial Bonfire - XTC

The screaming sky won't let me sleep.

Oranges & Lemons - XTC (1989)
Garden of Earthly Delights
The Mayor of Simpleton
King For a Day
Poor Skeleton Steps Out
One of the Millions
Scarecrow People
Merely a Man
Across This Antheap

On the other blog I referred to XTC's last entirely enjoyable album as the "thinking man's white whine." As the hot weather has set in, and I have suddenly been inspired to run again, I have been thinking of this one, a guilty favorite as it is a reminder when I was last single.

This album is me at twenty-one; self-involved and open-minded, entitled and egalitarian, judgmental and self-pitying, wise and foolish and very, very, very male.

Distance: 3.5 miles
Duration: 33:32
Pace: 9:35
Route: Forest Hill Loop

It was an inspiring run, the music felt good. But things being how they are, I feel sheepish admitting that my foundational "deep thoughts" regarding religion ("Dear God") race ("Human Alchemy") and feminism ("Down In The Cockpit") came from these twee Englishmen.

"It's Nearly Africa" used to be my jam, but ye gods, that thing is embarrassingly condescending. And racist.

Temperature: 72°
Climate: bright, sunny
Mood: determined, how's that?
Weight: 188 lbs. (-1.0)

Did not run yesterday. It was a cooler day, and rainy. And it was not a good day, physically. Perhaps because of the change in the weather. I don't know. There is a lot to do today, for everyone. It is the end of the school year. So many transitions.

And also, no alcohol for five days. Does it make a difference? Apparently, it does.

If there's anybody left in here that doesn't want to be out there.

Yesterday was my third dry day. I feel asleep much better than the night before -- it wasn't as hot -- but I woke at four and couldn't get back to sleep. But my body is no longer buzzing in the morning, it did a little bit the night before, last night not at all.

It was fun, drinking a lot in quarantine. Took th edge off, or at least made it easy to pretend that it did. And like you were getting away with something. Well, who needs that? There is work to do. And I feel so much better than I did last week.

I will probably get fucking exhausted in the middle of the day. But I can deal with that when it happens.

Distance: 2 miles
Duration: 19:07
Pace: 9:33
Route: Two times around the block.
Temperature: 70°
Climate: overcast & cool
Mood: okay
Weight: 189 lbs. (-0-)

Two miles a day, every day, is good. Three miles every other day might be good, too. Averages out. But running a little every day gets my internal engine going, without knocking me out.

What's That Lyric?
I Predict a Riot - Kaiser Chiefs

All the news reports recommended that I stay indoors.

The wife was proctoring a test in her office (our bedroom) with her camera on, so I missed my window of opportunity. I ran in cotton and soiled running gear. But hey, two miles. I could have gone to the park, but there's a lot to do today.

Distance: 2 miles
Duration: 18:11
Pace: 9:06
Route: Two times around the block.
Temperature: 75°
Climate: bright & hot
Mood: all right, man.
Weight: 189 lbs. (-0-)

Two miles a day, every day, is extremely helpful to my mind, body and soul. Also, yesterday was my second without alcohol. Now, I had a terrible night's sleep, due to the heat, but I am no longer feeling "the feeling." So, maybe?

What's That Lyric?
We Will Become Silhouettes - Postal Service

I am home. I am free.

Eyes on the road, dumbass.

Happy Memorial Day. No parades, no trip to Athens. Just a beautiful day in the neighborhood. I will put the deck in order. We will have a day. You have a day, too.

Distance: 2 miles
Duration: 18:02
Pace: 9:01
Route: Two times around the block
Temperature: 81°
Climate: gorgeous, perfect day, and hot
Mood: upbeat, actually.
Weight: 189 lbs. (-1.0)*

*This was totally all water weight.

What's That Lyric?
Everything - Nine Inch Nails

I get the shower and The Current starts playing a block of Alanis Morissette. I probably would have put up with it but the led off with ironic so I had to turn it off. Ironic is the Black Water of Seasons In the Sun. Rock Blockin' No.

Will I live another twenty four.

I do not feel good this morning. But I cannot quantify how it is I feel. I cannot describe it. I will try. I am not in pain. I feel it in my muscles, it affects my thinking. I have been awake at 4:30 these past few morning,s and try to sleep for the next several hours. I doze. I cannot relax because every few moments, a stillness will affect my body, a "reset" much like the brain "buzzes" which afflict someone coming off certain antidepressants.

But I'm not coming off them. I am entirely on them. Is sleeping affecting that? What if I took my antidepressant when I started feeling that way? Is it a twenty-four hour withdrawal? But then why do I still feel that way, almost an hour after having taken one?

I will run. The morning is perfect. So much for the forecast, which said it would rain all day. I need to move these muscles. The thing is, my ankle (did I say left? I meant right.) was sore all day yesterday, after my run and taking a nap. So it will be a little tender. But running seems like to only thing I can do.

Distance: 2 miles
Duration: 18:49
Pace: 9:24
Route: Two times around the block.

Good run, no pain. The tempo has been good, I have been using the 155-159 BPM playlist recently (see right) which is not my best speed, but it's not exactly not fast, either. Feels good.

Maybe could have gone longer, but I am sweating buckets and I didn't want to tax my ankles and worse.

Temperature: 72°
Climate: bright & HOT
Mood: good, right?
Weight: 190 lbs. (-1.0)

Achievement unlocked, I guess? I would like to eventually be back at 170 lbs., right now the 180s would be an improvement. Keep going. Time for granola, yogurt and BERRIES.

What's That Lyric?
Good Day - Ice Cube

Here at breaking point, mind and body tired.

Have a kink in my right ankle again. Is it my stride, or my shoes? Could be the shoes. It might be the shoes. Or is it me? It's a question.

Did we dine sensibly yesterday? Depends on what you mean. I did have snack of almonds before dinner. And there was dessert, but not an outrageous one. Ice cream with macerated apples and caramel. I let my wife serve me, it was a fine portion of dessert (also delicious.)

So. There. So there.

Distance: 3.5 miles
Duration: 34:23
Pace: 9:49
Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 61°
Climate: overcast & humid
Mood: all right
Weight: 191 lbs. (-1.0)

Did I say right ankle? I meant left. Left ankle. At least, that was today.

I think it's the shoes.

Teenage Kicks: Block Rockin' Weekend Edition!
   The Specials:
Breaking Point
A Message To You, Rudy
Concrete Jungle*
   The The:
This Is The Day
Dogs of Lust*
The Beat(en) Generation
   Kate Bush:
Why Should I Love You (ft. Prince)
Running Up That Hill
The Man With the Child In His Eyes

Okay, that was amazing.

I call you from inside my cell.

Yesterday was my first attempted fast. I ate one banana for breakfast in the mid-morning. Had a sandwich and milk at lunch.

I made a cheese board for the wife while she made dinner and helped myself to some of that, maybe a little too much.

Dinner was a roasted artichoke with butter, and a bean salad. No other snacks. I felt myself not getting something to eat throughout the day.

That is how I must do that. Not starving, just not indulging. Breathe through desire.

Distance: 2 miles
Duration: 18:42
Pace: 9:21
Route: Two times around the block
Temperature: 61°
Climate: light rain
Mood: all right
Weight: 192 lbs. (-2.0)

That's just not-sushi dinner in there. That's all those two pounds are.

What's That Lyric?
X Offender - Blondie

My heart beats faster when I think of all the signs.

I am not right. Last night we had sushi, mine included seafood, which was cooked or processed, so I thought I was safe. And while I did not have an anaphylactic reaction. my belly swelled up like a balloon and I could feel my pulse in my chest, and my wrists, and my temples.

My belly pushed out past my rib cage last night, also because I eat too much. I eat all the time. I am back into that, I must put something in my mouth at all times phase. These things happen. Control is possible, but it is far easier at work to sit at my desk, meditate, and keep on. There is so much food in this house, and not good food.

I do not feel great. I will take a run this morning, but try not to push myself too hard. A few times around the block. The weather is perfect.

Distance: 2 miles
Duration: 19:27
Pace: 9:43
Route: Twice around the block.

On my first loop I was hailed by a passing truck, they wanted to know where a local street was. I stopped, we were distanced enough. I checked my phone, this is my neighborhood, I was irritated not to know off the top of my head, but of course they were grateful. It was a very pleasant, happy exchange.

Temperature: 55°
Climate: blue sky, light, puffy clouds
Mood: better, now
Weight: 194 lbs. (+2.5)

The weather is perfect, and I am not. I am also not in training. I am also not injured. I can run. I do not hurt, not in my back, hips, knees, ankles, anywhere. Pain comes and so far, it also goes.

What I ran every other morning, consistently? It is a thing I can do. I am awake, the air is cool and clear. I will try to eat more conservatively. There are far more better things to do than eat.

What's That Lyric?
Dying - XTC

The 155-159 BPM playlist totally slaps.

Thought that time was on your side.

Ran a block with the boy. I need to get him out more. We debated Trump and Biden and Bernie. It was contentious.

Then I headed out to the park. That was all good, bright sunny day, making room for other runners and walkers.

Coming out the park is uphill, and bright. And thought I was listening to a 160-164 mix, which is a nice, steady tempo, Sleepless by Soul Coughing is so somnambulant. I walked through half of that.

Then I saw a young runner headed in my directing and I picked it up again. I don't want to look like a panting, sweating old man.  

Distance: 4.5 miles
Duration: 43:02
Pace: 9:33
Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 66°
Climate: cloudless, sunny & hot
Mood: all right
Weight: 191.5 lbs. (+1.5)

This will not be easy. Also, I'm worried about the circulation in my hands.

What's That Lyric?
Time the Avenger - The Pretenders

Blueprint to a real man.

Documenting Cleveland: Tuesday, May 12, 2020

May 12, 2020 8:39 AM

It's gosling season. He takes a brisk run through Forest Hill Park, having to make a wide berth so as not to get attacked by hissing parental geese.

First reports (i.e. social media chatter) suggested runners pose a greater risk of transmission, due to the immense clouds of moisture particles they give off into the air.

Some experts believe (see sources below) that this is not the case, if running outside, as these emissions are swiftly diffused. He would have to run next to an infected runner for about five minutes to contract the virus.

And yet, he runs into the grass, or onto the street, to provide at least ten feet of distance between himself and anyone sharing his path. This isn't possible, however, in the woods, so he just closes his mouth and looks down, which everyone knows is just as effective as wearing a mask.

Duration: 30:23

Chance the Rapper

Pace: 9:28
Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 43°
Climate: partly cloudy
Mood: all right
Weight: 190 lbs. (-1.0)

Lemon cake for breakfast. His wife had made one for family friends, one for them. Saturday night he had made a loaf of potato bread and a batch of cookies because he was bored. Those went in about two days. In the past two months he has gained ten pounds.

His dreams have been vivid, active. Full of crowds. He only dreams about people and places that he never usually encounters during the day. Last month it was the parking garage at work, which he last visited on March 16. Now it is theater performances. Memories of his dreams leak into his waking thoughts.

Time to dress for work.

What's That Lyric?
Angels by Chance the Rapper

Sources: 
The Risks - Know Them - Avoid Them by Erin Bromage (updated daily)
Why you’re unlikely to get the coronavirus from runners or cyclists by Sigal Samuel, Vox Apr 24, 2020

#RunWithMaud

Ahmaud Arbery
Say his name.

"Running while black should not be a death sentence." - Kamala Harris

Ahmaud Arbery, age 25, was taking a run. He was a football player in hgih school and running was something he did. On February 23, ten weeks ago, Arbrey was taking a run, in the middle of the afternoon, when he was murdered by two white supremacists, a father and son, men with ties to law enforcement.

Who they were and why they did this is a matter for a jury to decide, as yesterday they were finally arrested. The fact is, a black man in American is a subject of suspicion and fear and anger by members of the white majority and as a reslt, they are penalized for who they are, in incarceration, in harm, in death.

Yesterday, it was announced that the DOJ would drop charges against Michael Flynn, who committed treasonable acts and lied to the FBI, crimes to which he pled guilty. Abrey was murdered for Running While Black. The racist double-standard in this country is so plainly evident, and yet nothing changes.

I run, and I run without fear. Because I am white, because I am a man. I have never been anyone's target.

Danielle Coke
@ohhappydani

Today I run with Ahmaud, because I was asked to. I have been asked by my friends to be an ally in the fight for justice. This weekend folks all over are asked to run or walk 2.23 miles (2/23) for justice. We must run alone, of course, to keep social distance, and that is only appropriate. It is symbolic, too.

Please look into this case. Learn more about the Justice for Ahmaud campaign. Sign the petition. And take a moment this weekend to run with Maud.

#AhmaudArbery
#SayHisName
#IRunWithMaud
#JusticeForAhmaud
#RunWithMaud
#BlackLivesMatter

Distance: 2.23 miles
Duration: 21:07
Pace: 9:28
Route: Horizon Loop
Temperature: 43°
Climate: overcast & cool
Weight: 191 lbs. (-0-)

Runners all over the world are joining the #IRunWithMaud movement
Ahmaud Arbery was out for a jog when he was shot and killed.
by Jane McGuire, Runner's World, May 7, 2020

I know that I'll get through this.

I only sleep with the help of Benadryl. And when I do use it, I can barely wake up. And last night it didn't even work, I was awake in the night because I my hands fell asleep. I worried about that for hours almost falling asleep, and then waking up to wake up my hands.

I thought diabetes? Hypertension? This morning I realized it's probably carpal tunnel.

The other night I had a dream I was running, but I looked down at my feet and they weren't moving. Or just taking little bunny hops.

This is hard.

Distance: 3.65 miles
Duration: 35:36
Pace: 9:45
Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 70°
Climate: breezy & bright
Mood: all right
Weight: 191 lbs. (-3.0)

I have been having a lot of dreams about running. Several of them, anyway. That is unusual. It means I miss running. Today was good, a bit on the windy side. Only had to walk once, but it felt better than it has done.

Listening to the Current today. It's member drive time, so they usually have an amazing "listener selected" playlist. This year's theme, 893 Songs That Bring Us Together. You be the judge.

581. Rock and Roll - The Velvet Underground
580. Jackson - Johnny Cash & June Carter Cash
579. Courage (for Hugh MacLennan) - The Tragically Hip
578. Feels Like We Only Go Backwards - Tame Impala
577. Flash Light - Parliament
576. May I Have This Dance - Francis & The Lights ft. Chance the Rapper
575. Believe - Cher
574. Cold Beverage - G. Love & Special Sauce

Then you finish, winded, on a bright sunny day, and that song comes on that reminds you of when you were nineteen and you were young and you didn't know what it meant to be in a difficult situation, and you take another lap around the block.

573. Under the Milky Way - The Church
Distance: 0.4 miles

Distance: 1 miles
Duration: 10:22
Route: Once around the block.
Temperature: 55°
Climate: overcast & cool
Mood: dealing

Don't know just how far that I can go.

Better run today. Not so much huffing and puffing. No walking, ran straight through. Ran slower when I was feeling winded. I am not in good shape.

Distance: 3.75 miles
Duration: 36:54
Pace: 9:50
Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 70°
Climate: overcast & warm
Mood: decent
Weight: 194 lbs.

Since the marathon I have gained over twenty-five pounds. Since the middle of October, I have gained twenty-five pounds. In the past five and a half months, I have gained twenty-five pounds.

A lot this was before quarantine, when mom was ill, during the holidays, after the funeral. And even more in the past six weeks.

Lying in bed, in the morning, when I can't sleep any more, I feel these brief flashes, where it is as though I have stopped. Like, all still. It's not painful. It is not disorienting, as with coming off Lexapro.

What is it? I can't even properly describe what it is. It is not unpleasant. But I am also not sure it is right.

Hypertension. High blood pressure. Bad cholesterol. I need to eat better, and exercise properly. I do like running, maybe I should do that every day.

What's That Lyric?
St. Elmo's Fire (Man In Motion) - John Parr