I hit the bottom.

It's like I have this lingering ugh. I have been exhausted, you know? That and I sobbed like a lost child on Friday, like I haven't cried in a very long time. It was brought on by Spit of You. It's always a song.

But yeah, strange. What does the anniversary of a death mean, anyway? A time for remembrance, but as I said, it is also a reminder of the decade just passed. I did a lot of thinking on Thursday. Friday was just emotionally draining.

Or I'm just tired.

Distance: 3 miles

Duration: 27:25

Then, this morning, as I was "detailing" the Element (the wife has gone out of town for the week) I struck my head on the rear open door. Had my head down, walked my full weight into it and now I have a half-inch wide gash across my forehead.

I have never minded being bald. I first noticed the pattern of hair loss when I was twenty-three and that was a surprise but I got over it pretty fast. I mean, I don't like insults or, as some people call them, "jokes" not because I am embarrassed for being bad but because, like most people, I care to be insulted. Body shaming comes in all forms, just like people, and excuse me for sounding like a wounded white man, but bald jokes do seem like the last acceptable form of body shaming.

No, the one thing that has always made me unhappy about not having hair is when I hit my head and there's a mark or a scab, I am very self-conscious about that. It is a visible sign of clumsiness, I feel it makes me look like a stupid guy. I have a scar at the top of my head from repeated abrasions and scrapes. And there's no hair to hide it.

Route: rec center
Temperature: 30°
Climate: snowy
Mood: depressed

Twenty years ago on this date, February 22, 2006, I had just had my first physical in six years. We ate dessert those days, and often. Probably came with having children. Sweet, little children. We rarely have a dessert any more, they are for occasional splurges.

It's also my first mention of Netflix, which was, at that time, solely a DVD rental-by-mail service. It was surprising to learn they were still doing that until three years ago. Last movie they ever shipped? True Grit (2010). Thank goodness it wasn't something embarrassing, huh?

2001 Playlist

Les Fleur - 4hero ft. Carina Andersson

Superheroes - Daft Punk 

Point of View Point - Cornelius

Exquisite Corpse from “Hedwig and the Angry Inch” OMPS 

Breathe - Télépopmusik ft. Angela McCluskey

Packt Like Sardines in a Crushd Tin Box - Radiohead

Face to Face - Daft Punk

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 161 lbs. (-1.0)

Back to the gym. It was a good week, and I'm glad that I thought to write that. The running was good.

Planks: yes
Push-ups: yes

Sit-Ups: yes

The voices ring in my head.

We were on our feet all day yesterday, and it was joyous. This year was the first year we prepared a Thankgiving dinner in our home. Ever! Normally we would be in Athens or Lakewood (Lakewood now relegated to memory) or maybe even Minnesota Last year we ordered a pandemic meal from chef Doug Katz.

Pies were baked, sides prepared, and a very well executed turkey, thanks to our son who created and amazing butter mixture to place under the skin. It took all day, we dined at nine. No regrets.

Distance: 1 miles
Duration: 9 minutes
Temperature: 32°

The boy and I set out for a five mile run to and through the cemetery. A little after the one mile mark we encountered a familiar (to me) puddle at the bade of a rise in the turf. I ran up the little hill, as I have in the past, but it was to slippery and a lost my balance. I tried to control my descent but caught the ground with (as I have assessed) my left knee, my right fist, and my face.

My glasses broke, my hands hurt, and my cheek and temple are tender. When I hit I heard a "crunch" which I was afraid might be my skull, but it was just the glasses. They may be repairable, I'm supposed to get new specs at the end of the month.

I rolled onto my back and laughed, I threw my hand up for my son to take. He told me he was afraid at first I put my arm out because I had broken it. I was just saying, "Okay! I'm out!" It hurt. I was wet. It could have been much worse.

Thankful to be whole. Wish I didn't have to go to the show tonight, I'm afraid I'm going to have a bruise. Ah, vanity.

What's That Lyric?

Let Go - Gabriel & Dresden

Time is the space between me and you.

Yesterday afternoon I was leading a workshop at my kids' elementary school. I'm working with fifth grade girls during lunch hour, they are the Young Ladies of Noble and we are putting together a production for Women's History Month. Anyway, their advisor told me class ended at 12:15, we would need to break at 12:10 to put the room back in order. I'm keeping my eye on the clock, but we are doing "statue" exercises, there is motion all around the room, the kids are laughing, even their teacher is on top of a desk, doing the same exercise, and taking pictures.

Suddenly, the teacher is back on the floor, she's making her way towards me, stating flatly, "We have to stop now." I look at the clock, it's only 12:05, I thought we had another five minutes, and say so apologetically. She gets near and says, a bit quieter, that we have to stop -- she says a student has been hurt, I didn't catch the name, I'm looking around for who might have gotten hurt during this exercise, it was she who had been on the table ...

It's my daughter, she has "cut her head open" and I have to go. Oh, uh, yes -- my things? No matter, I go, and run down the hallway of the school to the office and to the girl, who has an iced sponge on her forehead. She looks ... tired.

Lucky for me, I guess, I was spared the image of that horrible gush of blood that comes with even a minor head wound, that had already been cleaned up by the time I got there. I was kind. I was not panicked. I was comforting. I was not smothering. I did not think of myself. I wanted to pick her up. I did not. But I held her hand.

Cellphones are tremendous things in an emergency. My wife and I discuss options, she said to call the doctor, and not to go immediately to an emergency room. Again, lucky. They would see us. A $15 co-pay, not a $1,000 trip to the ER. A short drive around the corner, not all the way to the hospital.

The girl was relieved, she has been to emergency rooms. She was grateful to be somewhere calmer. And I knew we would be seen soon, and not in a couple hours. Fortunate. And the cut was not so deep as to require stitches but ... glue? Really? Glue?

Upon hearing that there would not be stitches, the girl's mood lightened considerably. We had talked about this on the drive, she had brought it up, I was noncommittal, not wishing to make the situation worse one way or another. I couldn't say there wouldn't be. I could do nothing to prepare her if there were.

It was astonishing, this glue. I was truly stunned by this bonding material. I laughed. For now, it would be all right. Lucky.

Distance: 4 miles
Route: To Parkside Blvd. and back.

How had she been injured? She had been running. A relay race. She came in second, trip, banged her knee, and took a header into a gate. At the doctor's office she was lamenting her decision to leave her other friends, to take the challenge of this race. What am I supposed to say? Regret is a terrible thing. If I am struck by a car on my route today, that would be an accident. But it does not mean I should never run. However, try telling that to my family.

Temperature: 25º
Climate: dry & cold
Weight: 174 lbs.
Breakfast: Cheerios & cottage cheese
Hydration? yes
Stretches? yes

Safely under 175. Let's keep it there. I came home last night to a plate of nachos. They'd had nachos with beans for dinner, I came home from rehearsal and they saved some for me. Big plate of nachos. Cheesy nachos. Salsa and sour cream in the fridge.

I had a yogurt and went to bed.

1994 Playlist
Welcome to Paradise - Green Day
March of the Pigs - Nine Inch Nails
Moon Sammy - Soul Coughing
13 Steps Lead Down - Elvis Costello
Supernova - Liz Phair
Prayer For the Dying - Seal
Loser (171 bpm) - Beck
Dead Souls - Nine Inch nails
Troubled Mind - Everything But the Girl
Root Down - The Beastie Boys

Cooldown:
Tribal Dance - 2 Unlimited

Life goes in seven-year cycles.

2008 - Mid-life crisis, shift in artistic focus.
2001 - Losing a child, gaining a new career.
1994 - I stop following.
1987 - First heart-break, seeing different.
1980 - I first fall in love ... and begin to run.