See how I've changed now? My head's so clear.

Last week I gave up. It has been a long time since I have done that, but I just stopped exercising entirely. The fact that it has been cold has a lot to do with it, but also because I have been in pain and I was tired of exacerbating the pain. In my hip, my sciatic nerve. Monday morning I woke up and my legs just felt horrible, heavy and pained.

Also, depressed. Uninspired. Without motivation of any kind. These moods come. They also go.

Distance: 3.25 miles
Avg. Pace: 8:15
Duration: 26:49
Route: Forest Hill Park Loop

Meanwhile, I ate everything. I ate all the things. Just stopped caring. And as I passed the ten day mark I realized I had become afraid of running.That doing so would be a bad thing, not a good thing. The pain would return, and I would be depressingly more aware of the pounds I had added, after being so judicious and careful since New Year's.

I have been through this for more than half my life. But I have never been in this kind of existential quandary about running itself. Not that I can't run, that I am prohibited from running, physically. Nor that I am depressed and that I do not want to run, emotionally.  But that I actually feel what is the point of all this running? Why do it?

Personally, I blame Trump.

Pavement: dry
Temperature: 54°
Climate: overcast & cool
Mood: trying.

Did I mention the headaches? Allergy season. It was between fifty and seventy degrees yesterday, but there was just no way.

Baseline: 174 lbs.
Today: 168 lbs. (+3.5)
Goal: 165 lbs.
Ideal: 160 lbs.

Winded at first, just like starting over. Eased up as I went. First I felt a twinge in my right knee (did I mention I had an evening last week when my right knee was in a great deal of pain) then a twist in my left ankle. Both went away. Kept moving.

Felt good to visit the park again. Trees that fell over two weeks ago, cut up and waiting to be carted away. Wonder if I would get apprehended for taking a few of the smaller ones for the fire pit.

Did I mention I got a fire pit? The wife is out of town for the week, and there will be a few pleasant surprises around when she returns.

Did I mention my wife is out of town?

1992 Playlist
My Name Is Prince - Prince
Blood Makes Noise - Suzanne Vega
My Lovin' (You're Never Gonna Get It) - En Vogue
Freedom (Back To Reality Mix) - George Michael
The Ballad of Peter Pumpkinhead - XTC
Fascination (Live) - Everything But the Girl

This was the year everything happened. Started my first theater company, Bill Clinton was elected, also I was married -- for the first time.

Good Lord, but that last one describes the feelings I had about her. Sad lesson.

What was it we were thinking of?

Skill with the quill.

Goose quill.

New label: Albums For Running. Sometimes my playlist is all or part of an album, and I comment on that. Why this album. So I wanted to make these not-reviews easier to find. Not sure I've tagged them all yet.

No seriously, waking up with a headache on a weekend is so totally not fair. This morning I got up earlier than I might have, because I knew any further rest was pointless. Headed onto the deck with a notepad and the Times. Writing made my head hurt, reading was a distraction.

Sitting on the deck, writing, or trying to write. Like in the winter, heading downstairs to sit in front of the fire. New fireplace, new deck. We have created sites for living, and we use them. The house I bought kept getting smaller, and now we're making it bigger. It's like a new world of home ownership.

Boy Bike/Run
Distance: 3.6 miles
Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 77°
Climate: overcast & hot
Weight: 164 lbs.
Mood: uncertain

First boy bike/run of the season. He asks which I prefer, running to music or running with him. I didn't immediately say, "oh, running with you, son," because I thought that would sound disingenuous. I told him the differences, but emphasized how I like to have him to talk to and how much fun it is to be with someone and observe things.

So, yeah. I made it clear I'd rather run with him.

Though we had made long runs together went I was training last fall, this is the first time we went into Forest Hills together, and I was able to show him all the things I get to see when I run there. The goslings are now in their "late-teens," still golden and smaller than adults, but with those long, goofy necks.

How do you feel, I ask. "I feel good," he says. "We should do this more."

We will. I promise we will.

The winter gets cold.

Welcome back, winter. Cold plus snow. Feels like forever since I have moved. Spending long hours in front of the screen, writing and editing materials for the outreach tour.

And Hamilton. Listening to Hamilton. It's true. All of it.

Distance: 3.40 miles
Avg Pace: 8:45
Duration: 29:43
Route: Four times around the block.

Oh God. Oh, my God. That was ... something. It wasn't snowing when I headed out, not really. But it picked up as I went. And the wind, which while not unbearable, numbed my face.

But I kept going. Not two laps, though I though that might be a good time to stop. Not three. A complete circuit of four. And I was a little nervous. Scared of cars which might skid and jump the curb. Of plows going madly up and down short drive. Of anything, everything.

Glad to get out, outside, into the air, to move my body. But it was a little crazy.

Temperature: 19°
Climate: cold with snow showers
Pavement: fluffy

Worked at home today, guy came to install a new fireplace. The old one petered out well over ten years ago. We smelled gas, had the whole thing shut down. Why not? We had very small children, it was an accident waiting to happen. Blocked with a magazine rack since Bush's first term.

Last year the girl said, "Any chance of having a working fireplace, you know, while I still live here?"

Ouch.

Weight: 159.5 lbs.
Mood: not great

Why so anxious? Because I am seriously anxious today. Hmn.  Getting the tour organized? That's nothing new. New script? I guess, it's not really mine. It's Agatha Christie. Mom and Dad were over today. My father has become quite the old man. Slow moving, poor balance, weak voice. Quick to tire. I tucked him into our bed for a nap, that was new.

Yes, yes. I think that's it. Huh. That was a surprise.

Also, the end of Hamilton. That's also upsetting. So there's that, too.

2009 Playlist
Mute (Jokers Of The Scene Remix) - The Brash
Empire State of Mind * - Jay-Z ft. Alicia Keys
Sugar - Flo Rida ft. Wynter
Sea of Heartbreak - Roseanne Cash ft. Bruce Springsteen
The Start of Something - Voxtrox
Lisztomania - Phoenix
I Like You So Much Better When You're Naked * - Ida Maria