It's the big uggh today... though not a bad place to have it. Life has afforded little chance to run. Early mornings, late evenings. And worst of all ... I don't want to. Why? Perhaps because the weather has turned. In fact, that may be a big part of it. When it's hot, and I just can't sleep any long at 5 in the morning, well. Let's go!
When it's cool, however, and you were up until 12 midnight folding laundry, drinking bouron and watching Glee on Hulu, and there's a warm body next to yours who also indluges in the snooze bar. Well. Let's not.
Wednesday night, I couldn't sleep, fretting over the CPAC grant, and Friday night I was up late completeing the thing. Waking at five yesterday all I could think was that, before I had the chance to sleep again, I would need to ride through a long day, pack the car and drive four hours to Athens.
But at least then I would be in Athens. And here I am.
The woke woke me long before I chose because he wanted comapny on the front porch. Morning, coffee, front porch, and heavy rain. Not bad. Not bad at all.
Distance: 4.25 miles
Weather 65º and damp
HEALTH IS OUR GREATEST WEALTH! DILUTE! DILUTE! OK!
Pefect run by the Hocking. Cool and cloudy and student-free. I don't know where they all were, 4 pm is pretty late to be in bed with a hangover but I was running past Sotuh Green.
I always run past South Green. In my mind, I am always running past South Green.
I feel the slackening as days go by without a run. I see it. In my belly, my thighs, I can feel my butt just drop. I look in the mirror and appear puffy and old. The pants stop fitting properly - and fast.
Everything in its right place.
Chunk Style Playlist
World In My Eyes - Depeche Mode
Pump Up The Volume - M/A/R/R/S
Smooth Criminal - Michael Jackson
Doin Da Butt - Gap Band
Don't Wanna Fall In Love - Jane Child
I Wanna Be a Flintstone - Screaming Blue Messiahs
Higher Ground - Red Hot Chili Peppers
Good Times * - INXS & Jimmy Barnes
House of the Rising Sun - Tracy Chapman
End Of The Line * - Traveling Wilburys
Post-run outdoor shower, last of the season (well, until tomorrow.) Dr. Bronner's, steam whips up, pagan thoughts. Ran into someone from school I hadn't seen inwell, since then. Going on eightteen years. Said he remembered I was quite a player. A Player? Moi? But I spent so much time - my entire life - cultivating a sense of neurotic detachment. I just wanted love and acceptance, it wasn't some kind of hustle, that wasn't me ... was it?
See: "Cultivate." Poor me. Charlie Brown. Introspective. So sexy. Player.
Sorry, my mind is everywhere today. Everywhere and nowhere ... there's a dog here, there's always a dog here, usually more than one. I get serious sinus pain, leads to migraines. I have been fighting this all day. The run helped, big time. And it put me into this place of self-examination ... I mean, it usually does, Jesus, just hit the "Athens" label at the bottom of this entry.
I began smoking (if you do not count the sasfrass leaves we dried and crumbled into rolling papers in fifth grade - that put off real ciagrettes for five years) when I was fifteen. One cigarette a day, on average, for three years. When I left for college, that increased to five a day (on average) until I was almost 33. I was never a chain smoker, but I know there were pack a day periods in school, when I was cartooning.
But let's say, to low-ball it, that's over 30,000 cigarettes. How many days did that strip from my life? If I do not develop some kind of tobacco-related cancer, how much strain did that put on my system, how many days lost? My grandfather lived to be 94. Do I get that? 80 years? 70? Does my running make any difference? Do I get to put days back onto the calendar that I destroyed by inhaling smoke?
There's a more poetic way to put that, I am sure there is. On our way out of town last month, Eva invited Kelly and I for brunch at her place in Brooklyn. We talked about many things, including this play. I made mention of the nytheatre review, where Denton says he does not get why I am running, it's not clear. I mentioned the cigarette thing. Eva thought I should put that in, that that might od the trick.