I'm not easy to please.

I cough, I wheeze. Yes, I wheeze. I pant. I am overweight. I am out of shape. And my body does these things to remind me.

It came as something of a relief when my doctor reminded me that Lexapro can cause weight gain. I have been taking a mild dose since September of last year. We chose to cut that dose in half around six months ago, because I was having difficulty making it through the day awake. And about a month ago we agreed to end the treatment, to wean myself from it slowly.

I never chose to take antidepressants before. Whenever it was suggested that I should, the fact that I am an "artist" was always an issue. Would chemicals stem my creativity? Yes, well. Whatever. By late last year my production was near zero. What could I lose? And it helped, I could concentrate, I could work.

But this had to come to an end. Running used to be my exclusive exultation medication. And with this medication, I didn't feel I needed it very much. And that's not good. Not good for me at all. So I stopped, and the withdrawal symptoms have been very challenging. The kids call them reboots, a sudden flash in the brain, not like flash of light or pain, just a sudden disorientation that takes a moment to recover from. They are also called brain zaps, though I prefer to think of them as brain farts (or brarts.)

These have nearly faded, I felt them only slightly yesterday and today. So we shall see. I have already found myself enduring mood swings, but they are usually caused by something, they don't come out of nowhere.

And this is how I shall begin the New Year. Overweight, unmedicated, and with a lot to prove.

Best of 2011 Playlist
Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.) - Katy Perry
Na Na Nothing - Mike Doughty
Ok - The Beastie Boys
Too Dramatic - Ra Ra Riot
Break Your Heart - Taio Cruz ft. Ludacris
The Creep - The Lonely Island
Like a G6 - Far East Movement
2012 (It Ain't The End of the World) - Jay Sean
Firework - Katy Perry

Distance: 3.1 miles
Temperature: 27º
Weight: 182.5 lbs.
Weather: snot-like sleet + sub-zero temp = treacherous pavement

My feet are running like the wind.

Taking a gander of my runs during the second half of 2011, you might get the impression that I only run when I am away from home. Let's analyze this. You know, for Christmas.

Distance: 4.25 miles
Temperature: 48º
Weather: Beautiful and sunny out, too breezy and sun in my eyes back.

Beginning a couple months ago, my wife and I tried an experiment. We were each unsatisfied with how writing was fitting into our daily routine. Work and parenting takes all of our day. Really, it does. Maybe we do not manage as well as others, maybe we are poor at delegating between the two of us; we both like to participate in bedtime, for example.

Evenings were not working at all. I do not write at night, not really, not with any success. Blog entries, maybe, but that's not getting the job done. And my wife has forks in too many stews as it is, and she frets over those things at night.

So we agreed to rise at 5 am. Coffee, water, bundled up, each with our laptop, crunching through. And it has been successful, 90 minutes concentrating on the work a day. One of the days, when we're making the big money, there will be more time. But that day may never come. For now, 90 minutes a day, which is 90 minutes a day more than before.

As a result, bedtime is the end. I clean up the house before I pass out and she still sweats the details (PTA, public events for work, paying bills.) Where do running fit?

It do not. Not really. And this fall, I have been all right with that. I hit Marshall's for as many pair of 34" pants as I can reasonably afford. To wit; I give up. I am playing Hercule Poirot this winter anyhow, I do not need to be svelte.

And so, time away, "vacation" time means more time for everything, including me.

There is more to this story, that involving my mental well-being, peace through chemicals, and "brarts." But more on that tomorrow.

Best of 2011 Playlist
Ritual Union - Little Dragon
Life's a Happy Song - The Muppets OST
Rocketeer - Far Eats Movement
Wavin' Flag (The Celebration Mix)* - K'Naan
Somebody That I Used to Know - Gotye
Party Rock Anthem - LMFAO
Make Some Noise - The Beastie Boys
Like Em All - Jacob Latimore
Blue Tip - The Cars
Dynamite - Taio Cruz
Tightrope* - Janelle Monae ft. Big Boi