I want to run. She’s pulling me apart.

I would ask, "What have I done to deserve this?" But I am well aware of all the things I have done, good and bad, and I have to assume this all balances out. The question is, can I learn from this experience. I think it means a lot that I have been able to accomplish as much as I have this year under this duress.

Jesus. Every gluten-free cookie, turned to ground glass.

Distance: 3.1 miles

Duration: 28:04
Pace: 9:03

Depression is deadening. And it is a challenge to keep moving forward. You know, there are times when I have said the wrong thing, done the wrong thing, and I just suffer through, aware of the damage I myself have caused, to others, and by extension to myself, hoping for that day that the ache has passed, and that life, for me, anyway, has resumed some kind of normalcy.

Then there are times like this, when I am just the unfortunate receptor of several unfortunate attacks, in quick succession, often unrelated, but so personal. And I don't know what to do about that. I have no one to talk to about it, no one to trust with this.

Like the man said, it's a drag isn't it?

Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 54
Climate: light fluffy clouds
Mood: trying

I've have spent years, my entire adult life, learning to be careful with my speech, with what I say. Even more recently, what not to put into an email. God, I'm angry. Calm, and sad, and very angry. And no one knows. No one but you.

1989 Playlist

Gucci Again - Schoolly D

She's a Mystery To Me - Roy Orbison

Buffalo Stance - Neneh Cherry

Chewing Gum - Elvis Costello

Steppin' to the A.M. - 3rd Bass

Big House - Michael Penn

She Drives Me Crazy - Fine Young Cannibals

The Garden of Earthly Delights - XTC

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 165 lbs. (+4.0)

I can't explain this.

Planks: TBA
Push-ups: TBA

Sit-Ups: TBA

These are the days. Sunrise over the park, perfectly cool -- but not too cool. Comfortable, free and easy. I need more of this.

See you Saturday.