Thursday, July 11, 2013

I put my faith in something unknown.

When I was thirteen, and vacationing with my family in Maine, I waited for the mail to come. In particular, there was a girl I liked and my brother who was at home told me over the phone that she had sent me a letter and so I knew it was coming, but not on which day. All morning I would wait, anxious, expectant.

When I did not arrive, I was despondent for a time, but the anxiety dulled until the next morning when it rose again and I walked out to check the communal mailbox every half-hour starting at 10 am. The day it finally arrived, what a charge!

When I was a twenty-three year-old, I was on a bbs with a small number of like-minded internet pioneers. I would check that every hour or so, to see who had posted what recently. Days might go by without anything, but the idea of there being a message, a thought, an argument to become engaged in, it was like Christmas, every day.

Checking my email, on a regular basis. Or sitting on Facebook, for hours. It satisfies the same desire, for connection, to know someone likes me, wants to communicate with me. I don't like FB flame wars, they make me miserable and sad. I want to be charming and witty and admired. Every moment. All the time.

Running also makes me feel like I am liked. After my five-mile race last Thursday, driving home from Bay Village, I was feeling a little disappointed, less than satisfied. And I thought, you know what would make me feel better? A run.

Running makes me feel like running.

Temperature: 72°
Climate: sunny. nice. summer.
Distance: 3.25 miles

Running in daylight. More people on the sidewalk, cars on the street. More glare, hard to see.

Dreaming of New York.

On the Tens Playlist
Na Na Nothing - Mike Doughty
Sweet Nothing - Calvin Harris ft. Florence Welch
Tightrope * - Janelle MonĂ¡e ft. Big Boi
Dynamite (Mixin Marc Remix) - Taio Cruz
The Walk - Mayer Hawthorne
Rolling In The Deep - Adele
Somebody That I Used To Know (DJ Mike D Remix) - Gotye ft. Kimbra

No comments: