Thursday, July 11, 2013
I put my faith in something unknown.
When I was thirteen, and vacationing with my family in Maine, I waited for the mail to come. In particular, there was a girl I liked and my brother who was at home told me over the phone that she had sent me a letter and so I knew it was coming, but not on which day. All morning I would wait, anxious, expectant.
When I did not arrive, I was despondent for a time, but the anxiety dulled until the next morning when it rose again and I walked out to check the communal mailbox every half-hour starting at 10 am. The day it finally arrived, what a charge!
When I was a twenty-three year-old, I was on a bbs with a small number of like-minded internet pioneers. I would check that every hour or so, to see who had posted what recently. Days might go by without anything, but the idea of there being a message, a thought, an argument to become engaged in, it was like Christmas, every day.
Checking my email, on a regular basis. Or sitting on Facebook, for hours. It satisfies the same desire, for connection, to know someone likes me, wants to communicate with me. I don't like FB flame wars, they make me miserable and sad. I want to be charming and witty and admired. Every moment. All the time.
Running also makes me feel like I am liked. After my five-mile race last Thursday, driving home from Bay Village, I was feeling a little disappointed, less than satisfied. And I thought, you know what would make me feel better? A run.
Running makes me feel like running.
Climate: sunny. nice. summer.
Distance: 3.25 miles
Running in daylight. More people on the sidewalk, cars on the street. More glare, hard to see.
Dreaming of New York.
On the Tens Playlist
Na Na Nothing - Mike Doughty
Sweet Nothing - Calvin Harris ft. Florence Welch
Tightrope * - Janelle Monáe ft. Big Boi
Dynamite (Mixin Marc Remix) - Taio Cruz
The Walk - Mayer Hawthorne
Rolling In The Deep - Adele
Somebody That I Used To Know (DJ Mike D Remix) - Gotye ft. Kimbra