I can't even articulate the feelings, but I'm working on it. Unlike so many of my friends, colleagues, over half the electorate, I have not posting my thoughts on the past week in emotional bursts on social media. I do not have a problem with people who do, so many have been articulate, heartfelt, and good. It's a way of coping. I just can't, anything I might express feels inadequate.
If anything, I have been avoiding Facebook because ninety-nine out of one hundred posts have to do with the election. I dip in from time to time, but it's just too much. Weeping and wailing is good, but there's also so much to do.
Distance: 3.3 miles
Route: Forest Hill Loop
Meantime, I have been ill. Literally sick and tired. Weak, headachy many days. Yesterday I realized I had been squinting pretty much every day since November 8, like the world was out of focus. All of my thoughts have been about what just happened, I can't attend a meeting or have a conversation without thinking, What? What happened? What does that mean? What happens next?
Then realizing I just missed the last minute, or two, and trying to concentrate on what is right in front of me.
This morning I rose early, I had a headache but it went away. I sat by the fire and wrote a children's play. I wrote for an hour, by hand, creating a tale, a conversation between two women. There is a conflict, one which is resolved through communication and understanding and assistance which results in reward.
There is another play I am working on, which will end in violence and horror. That play relates directly to our present moment, but I can't focus on that right now. Now I am looking for the helpers.
Weight: 168 lbs. (-0-)
Goal: 165 lbs.
Mood: not great
Cool and brisk, using gloves, not sure I needed them. No wind, that makes a difference. Cleared my head a bit, I mean literally, that's where the congestion is. My nose, my ears, my sinuses. Still, the usual rise I have in my chest after running is serving to amplify the same anxiety which has possessed it the past few days.
I hope having done this does not make me feel any more ill. Sickness like colds take much longer to shake as I get older. At the very least I need to run, and run often. You can't do if you are not able.
We are not defeated. This is very wrong, historically wrong. A friend said, well? If she had won, we'd all be so happy and go back to sleep. My white colleagues and confounded. My black colleagues ... they are sympathetic, you know?
Wake up. Back to work.
What's New Playlist
Move - Saint Motel
Satisfied - Sia ft. Miguel & Queen Latifah
Run Sister Run - Cass McCombs
Cruel World - Phatntogram
New Song - Warpaint
My Shot [Rise Up Remix] - Busta Rhymes, Joell Ortiz & Nate Ruess