Friday, January 29, 2016

I tried to run away.

The year I turned thirty, I was driving, chewing a candy bar, when I bit on something somewhat solid, like a nut. Making an unconscious investigation of my mouth, I was completely shocked and distressed to discover that my lower left first molar was partially absent.

I mean, half of it was just gone. The candy in my mouth was mostly gone, too, I had just swallowed it. What had happened? Had I swallowed part of my tooth, had it come to pieces? And what does this mean, would it start to hurt?

It did not hurt, I never hurt. The tooth was dead, and eventually I would have first a gold filling, then a proper, modern replacement, and then a third which I currently have.

But for the last few months before I turned thirty, I was suddenly caught in this existential awareness of the disintegration of my own physical self.

And then I turned thirty.

Distance: 3.35 miles
Avg Pace: 7:41
Duration: 25:40
Route: Four times around the block

During my fortieth year, my left knee blew up. I could not run, even walking became a pain. I wasn't sure if I would ever run again. A torn meniscus was the diagnosis, and surgery was scheduled. But first I passed my fortieth birthday again feel old, like I was at the end of something. That I was ageing.

And then I turned forty.

Since the surgery and subsequent recovery I have run two marathons and my knee does not presently trouble me at all.

I count myself lucky. I have done nothing particularly clever to avoid catastrophic injury and do not live in a manner designed to avoid the possibly unavoidable internal calamities. I eat less candy, very little soda pop, and brush and floss regularly, which is something I was previously very bad at.

And I exercise of course, and that is good.

Temperature: 25°
Climate: cool and overcast
Pavement: dusted with snow and a little icy

The doctor had recommended a colonoscopy. That was last March. I have put that off, an act which anyone might sympathize with. But I have one scheduled for this March. Also, I learned last week I have another cavity, which pissed me off but I will have that filled next week.

Running towards fifty, I expect to go through another crisis, and another bout of doubts and fears. What am I not doing that I am supposed to be doing of which I am entirely unaware?

Weight: 163.5 lbs. (+1.0)
Mood: good. what a week, huh?

2014 Playlist
Daffodils - Mark Ronson ft. Kevin Parker
Light Will Keep Your Heart Beating In The Future - Mike Doughty
Me and My Broken Heart - Rixton
Uptown Funk - Mark Ronson ft. Bruno Mars
I'm Only Joking - KONGOS
She's Not Me - Jenny Lewis
Do You - Spoon

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