My whole world is dying.

Here's the thing; I actually brought my running kit to England. Had it with me in Yalding and in Winchester. The two days we spent in Winchester I saw people running through the center of town, I even mapped a run through the city but still. It wasn't happening for me.

Part of that was due to jet lag. I never got a single complete night's sleep, so sleeping in was required. I knew they would be long days walking about, but still. It was disheartening. I used to love running through odd spaces, but I just couldn't make it happen.

Distance: 3.25 miles
Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 36°
Climate: cool
Mood:not bad, considering.

One year ago today we woke to the news that Donald Trump would be our next president. Actually, most of us did not sleep that night, and knew it already. My daughter crawled into bed with us (which also made it difficult to get any sleep) she was so unhappy. The country was full of people who would elect a man who hates women for president. I didn't tell her that, she was paying attention.

If there is such a thing as woke, she it. Now excuse me, I will never use the word "woke" again.

Jesus. Cigarette and Chocolate Milk just came on the Current. That was my earworm all night that night, rolling around in my head, fretting about the future. Nice timing, guys.

Anyway, it's been quite a year. And we're still fighting, aren't we?

Late Night Beats - The Post Club Sound of Britain (1998)
Starwayze - back 2 earth
... And Then You Die - The Receiver
Summer Bummer - Crazy Penis
Can I Be Free From Crying (The Underwolves Remix) * - Bim Sherman
Spudink - Plaid

Tuesday night my hip hurt, and also my knee. I resisted the idea of running yesterday morning, and by evening I felt good. No running two days in a row. We must exercise and then rest.

You may notice I got the idea for the title of my running play from this album. I really love this disc. And a perfect five-and-a-half mile listen.

The radio played our song.

We resume. Like starting from scratch. But we've done that before. I cannot understand how I can move from a person who defines himself as a runner to one who does not.

I see runners on the street and think, I used to do that. Like that. That is different. I used to see a runner and think; Hey, I wish I were running right now. I no longer feel that jealousy. I don't feel anything about it.

Well, that's not true. I obviously feel something. I am surprised I have not felt physical fatigue, that my legs have not been aching from disuse. I feel fine. My belly is soft, I haven't gained any more weight but I certainly haven't lost any.

This morning, however, I felt motivated. I began rehearsing a solo performance which opens in a few weeks, it would be nice to work on my breathing. To feel fit. Even a little fit. It would be a good idea to move.

Late Night Beats - The Post Club Sound of Britain (1998)
To Ulrike M (Original Mix) - Doris Days
U R Still Ahead - Kushti
Comfy Club - Pnu Riff
Starbursts Over Orion - Modaji
Can't Stay With You Baby - Jimi Tenor
Gutaris Breeze (6000km To Amsterdam) - John Beltram

In the late 1990s I was given to melancholy and inspired by afterhours club music. The year 1999 gave me Moby's Play and Everything But the Girl's Temperamental. Sometimes I would hear an album in a store and ask what that album is and just buy it. I was shopping at High Tide Rock Bottom in late 1998 and they were playing this sampler of downbeat house music and I just had to have it.

Distance: 3.25 miles
Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 41°
Climate: cool
Mood: maintaining

Why this album, this morning? Because I want a slow run. I wan to jog, and feel good about it.

It's still a favorite, though I'm not emotionally in sync with it any more. That last one I heard (that's half the album) by John Beltram actually made me break down in tears during the rehearsal process of Hamlet in spring of 1999. Like, bawling.

What am I emotionally in sync with these days? Anything?