I want to run. She’s pulling me apart.

I would ask, "What have I done to deserve this?" But I am well aware of all the things I have done, good and bad, and I have to assume this all balances out. The question is, can I learn from this experience. I think it means a lot that I have been able to accomplish as much as I have this year under this duress.

Jesus. Every gluten-free cookie, turned to ground glass.

Distance: 3.1 miles

Duration: 28:04
Pace: 9:03

Depression is deadening. And it is a challenge to keep moving forward. You know, there are times when I have said the wrong thing, done the wrong thing, and I just suffer through, aware of the damage I myself have caused, to others, and by extension to myself, hoping for that day that the ache has passed, and that life, for me, anyway, has resumed some kind of normalcy.

Then there are times like this, when I am just the unfortunate receptor of several unfortunate attacks, in quick succession, often unrelated, but so personal. And I don't know what to do about that. I have no one to talk to about it, no one to trust with this.

Like the man said, it's a drag isn't it?

Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 54
Climate: light fluffy clouds
Mood: trying

I've have spent years, my entire adult life, learning to be careful with my speech, with what I say. Even more recently, what not to put into an email. God, I'm angry. Calm, and sad, and very angry. And no one knows. No one but you.

1989 Playlist

Gucci Again - Schoolly D

She's a Mystery To Me - Roy Orbison

Buffalo Stance - Neneh Cherry

Chewing Gum - Elvis Costello

Steppin' to the A.M. - 3rd Bass

Big House - Michael Penn

She Drives Me Crazy - Fine Young Cannibals

The Garden of Earthly Delights - XTC

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 165 lbs. (+4.0)

I can't explain this.

Planks: TBA
Push-ups: TBA

Sit-Ups: TBA

These are the days. Sunrise over the park, perfectly cool -- but not too cool. Comfortable, free and easy. I need more of this.

See you Saturday.

Run and hide.

We watched the premiere episode of SNL UK on Sunday evening. Wet Leg was the musical act. 

Man, I love music. I'm a middle aged Gen Xer and I love all music. Like, all music. Except, you know. Midwest Emo.

Distance: 3 miles

Duration: 25:22

Jesus Christ. My wife told me something last night that really cut to my already fragile sense of self-esteem like it was something amusing. I'm still kind of in shock. Not good.

Oh, well. Eat less, exercise more. Lose more weight. That's what I usually do.

Route: rec center
Temperature: 24°
Climate: cold
Mood: very sad

2009 Playlist

Gold Guns Girls - Metric

In For the Kill - La Roux

Hell * - Tegan and Sara 

Heads Will Roll - Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Sea of Heartbreak - Rosanne Cash ft. Bruce Springsteen 

You’re Not Alone - Olive

Animal - Miike Snow

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 161 lbs. (-0-)

Planks: yes
Push-ups: yes

Sit-Ups: yes

It is at moments like this that I either 1) lose the impetus to move or 2) run on automatic and accomplish things through sheer force of will. I will attempt the latter. Eventually, I will incorporate this ugly moment into my psyche and it will become something I simply harbor and never mention again.

When I'm breathless I'll run 'til I drop. Hey.

Sitting by the fire, or in warmer weather, on one of our porches, to write uninterrupted or, more recently, to read, is a morning ritual that provides me peace and clarity of mind.

This is where I take my first cup of coffee and, more recently, a tall glass of water. This is how I choose to begin my day, and those are generally the best mornings.

Distance: 3 miles

Duration: 27:44
Pace: 8:57

The working week began with a Macbeth workshop at JCU, and concluded with a Macbeth workshop at Ideastream. And last night the wife and I decided, hey! Why not go see the show?

Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 60°
Climate: overcast, mercury falling
Mood: okay

Man. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.

1979 Playlist

Working My Way Back to You/Forgive Me, Girl - The Spinners

Dance This Mess Around (Party Mix) - The B-52's

Too Hot - Kool & The Gang

They Don't Know - Kirsty MacColl

Down in the Park  - Tubeway Army ft. Gary Numan

Hold On - Ian Gomm

London's Burning - The Clash

Fool In the Rain - Led Zeppelin

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 161 lbs. (-0-)

Yesterday we celebrated Calvin, visited Riverside, made every thing look nice and festive. The brick, which we planed by the front step some time ago, has been neglected. I couldn't find it for a moment, it was under a half-inch of soil. But I cleared, cleaned, and colored it up.

Between those celebrations and our Saturday evening date, there was no time for a run, but hey. I guess I banked that last weekend. Good for me!

Planks: yes
Push-ups: yes

Sit-Ups: TBA

See you Tuesday.

I hit the ground running.

Oh, great. Another cold. What the actual. I have to say, parking the buses in sub-freezing temps does take a physical toll, but seriously? Anyway, runny nose, high feeling in my chest -- though that's actually the Sudafed. Been taking a lot of Sudafed this season

Distance: 3.1 miles

Duration: 27:54
Pace: 8:59

Brisk run, enjoyable. I didn't wat to do it, I feel now like I might regret it. But I enjoyed the run itself very much.

Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 46°
Climate: partly cloudy & cool
Mood: illing

1999 Playlist

Lullaby of Clubland (Jay 'Sinister' Sealee Remix) - Everything But the Girl

All Star - Smashmouth

Livin' la Vida Loca - Ricky Martin

Steal My Sunshine - Len

And One (on One) - Lilys

Push Upstairs - Underworld

Fast As You Can - Fiona Apple

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 161 lbs. (-1.0)

Planks: TBA
Push-ups: TBA

Sit-Ups: yes

See you Saturday?

You came like a comet.

So, we have been doing the every other day thing for more than a year. Pretty incredible. I am proud of me.

There are things that I have had on my schedule for months which have been brought to a kind of conclusion. The reunion. The commission. I should feel a sense of relief, and in a way, I do.

I'm also really tired. So is the wife. I guess this is what life is now. Maybe it always has been.

Distance: 3 miles

Duration: 26:04
Route: rec center
Temperature: 25°
Climate: snowy
Mood: okay!

2019 Playlist

(We Don't Need) This Fascist Groove Thang (151 bpm) - LCD Soundsystem

I Feel Love - Sam Smith

Wars - Of Monsters and Men

No One's Easy to Love (167 bpm) - Sharon Van Etten

Boys - Lizzo

Don’t Start Now - Dua Lipa

The Whole of the Moon - Kirin J Callinan

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 162 lbs. (-3.0)

Planks: yes
Push-ups: yes

Sit-Ups: yes

I begin to run.

She likes to get on things.

Here's the thing about the New Cat. Last fall we began our foster parenthood for a tortoiseshell kitty named Diwali, when the boy's boyfriend went to college. 

I was concerned about this, because when we brought Masha into our house in late 2024, it almost killed Tiger. Maybe Masha had nothing to do with it, but she wouldn't leave the old man alone and he started becoming very ill, indeed. He recovered, but I was worried another kitty would outright murder him.

The wife theorized that a new, younger cat would occupy Masha, and they would both leave Tiger alone. And she was right! That is pretty much what has happened. 

Distance: 3.1 miles

Duration: 28:29
Pace: 9:11

However, I now love Diwali and am also even more concerned about her leaving when the boy's boyfriend moves off-campus and can assume possession of his cat.

In the meantime, Diwali likes to sleep on top of me. When I sleep on my side, she gets on my hips, or my thigh or my knees. I would think this would be uncomfortable for her, but its not. And it's sweet. Except it also means having a weight on my legs for hours at a time, which can be uncomfortable, even painful.

When I am in training, my knees can hurt a lot, and my thighs, or my back. I can only imagine how dreadful this would become with this cat sleeping on them.

But I love her.

Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 69°
Climate: warm & windy
Mood: fragile

1970 Playlist

Liar - Three Dog Night

Ball of Confusion (That's What the World is Today) - The Temptations

25 or 6 to 4 - Chicago

Mother Sky - CAN

No Sugar Tonight/New Mother Nature - The Guess Who

Thank You (Falettinme Be Mice Elf Again) - Sly & the Family Stone

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 165 lbs. (+5.0)

So, the scale says I gained five pounds, which makes sense. I feel like I have gained five pounds, I woke with my belly full. This is what I am talking about. There's been a lot. There just needs to be fewer.

Planks: yes
Push-ups: yes

Sit-Ups: yes

The wife and I have just been tired and not up to speed, for weeks. The sore throat is back. Because I'm dehydrated. Even though I have been drinking water. My legs felt heavy, that's been a while. Good run, though.

See you Tuesday.

You better move.

We are in weather insanity season. Sixty degrees and rain, thirty degrees and snow, fifty degrees and high winds, twenty degrees and cold. I hate it.

Distance: 3.1 miles

Duration: 27:53
Pace: 8:59

At the same time, I am also tired of running in circles indoors.

Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 33°
Climate: sunny & cool
Mood: not bad

1990 Playlist

Enjoy the Silence (Hands & Feet Mix) - Depeche Mode

My Friend Goo - Sonic Youth

U Can't Touch This - MC Hammer

Mama Said Knock You Out (12" Remix) - LL Cool J

From This Moment On - Jimmy Somerville

The Power (12" Version)  - SNAP!

Stretches: yes 
Water: yes
Weight: 160 lbs.

Maintaining. The past two days I have had a lot of restaurant produced foods, from Sushi En, McDonalds, Stone Oven, XYZ, Provence at the CMA. And snacking, a milkshake, Twizzlers. Not good.

But this is why: I have not been cooking. There are few leftovers, which is good, because we have been eating them and not letting them go bad. But I need to make a dinner. Tonight, for example! I will make dinner tonight. It's an at-home day. Lots of writing and housework to do.

Planks: TBA
Push-ups: yes

Sit-Ups: yes

See you tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow. It's going to be seventy degrees. See?

I hope this works out. Cardio.

I don't know if I have ever recorded this, but it is a remarkable phenomenon which has occurred many, many times at the very beginning of an outdoor run, but is forgotten by the time it has concluded.

It only happens out of doors, if it is particularly windy. A single tear will fall from my left eye. One tear, just once, and always and only from my left eye. Why is this?

Finally remembered to make note. Took long enough. Anyway, back to the gym.

Distance: 3 miles

Duration: 27:08

Feeling particularly unmotivated this morning. Prefer to sit by the fire and do puzzles. I now believe puzzles to be the opiate of the masses. Sondheim was a master puzzler, but that was the way his mind worked. If he wasn't being clever he wasn't alive.

That's true of me, too. But I haven't written a Sweeney Todd yet.

Route: rec center
Temperature: 30°
Climate: cold 
Mood: uninspired 

2010 Playlist

One Day - Kings Go Forth

Too Dramatic - Ra Ra Riot

Rocketeer - Far East Movement ft. whoever

Pow Pow - LCD Soundsystem

Journal of Ardency - Class Actress

Holiday - Vampire Weekend

Cold War - Janelle Monáe

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 160 lbs.

The weather was nice, now it's not. That brings me down. The bash is behind me, so there's a letdown there. And I do have a number of things to do, right now, which is making me tense but it really shouldn't, they aren't bad things. They are just ... responsibilities.

Also? The year 2010 reminds me of being a poor artist and a weak father.

Planks: yes
Push-ups: yes

Sit-Ups: TBA

Our tummy is getting flatter. We are no longer processing calories, we are transforming them. I'm talking about us here. The royal me.

I'm catching up with myself.

There is something amazing about running on a spring day. When the air is perfect and the sidewalks are clear. It makes me feel so much stronger (not sure if that is the right word) and confident, and it feels so much better than when it is too cold, or running indoors.

The temps will dip again in a week. I'd love to not have to go to the gym for a while. 

Distance: 3.1 miles 

Duration: 27:38
Pace: 8:54

Getting that hour back, lost by Daylight Saving Time is particularly difficult this year. That it coincided with the gala did not help. Sunday was useless. Today isn't much better.

Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 66°
Climate: overcast & ideal
Mood: on the case

But this run made it much, much better.

1980 Playlist

Living Through Another Cuba - XTC

Lawn Chairs - Our Daughter's Wedding

Another Journey By Train - The Cure

Born Under Punches - Talking Heads

Telegram Sam - Bauhaus

Funkytown (Extended Version) - Lipps Inc.

Freedom of Choice - Devo

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 160 lbs. 

Planks: yes
Push-ups: yes

Sit-Ups: yes

Goddamn right, it's a beautiful day.

You may notice my posts have gotten longwinded. Once upon a time, they were quite brief, now I go on about all manner of things relating to my personal life (ideally related to my personal health) and there is a good reason for this:

I write them in advance.

Distance: 3.1 miles 

Duration: 29:29

Pace: 9:30

I used to compose my posts after I took a run. Ostensibly, to write about the run I just had. Which can be tedious.

"Had a run. The run was good. Weather is nice. Ah, uh. Yeah."

Because right after I have had a run, I am sweaty and winded and my keyboard gets drippy and salty. Better to reflect on how I am feeling between runs, when I can think and I am dry.

Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 58°
Climate: clear & lovely
Mood: tender

As with the playlists, which I plan in advance because there is nothing worse than trying to decide what to listen to right when I am about to head out. The "year" playlists are the best because I don't need to think about those at all, they are just there.

2000 Playlist

Mr. E's Beautiful Blues - Eels

Saginou - Zulya

Renegades of Funk - Rage Against the Machine

The National Anthem - Radiohead

Ms. Jackson - Outkast

Oops! ... I Did It Again - Britney Spears

Bye Bye Bye - *Nsync

Playground Love - Air ft. Thomas Mars

I even jot down what the first song will be, in advance. Usually the newest track to add to the list.

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 160 lbs.

Late night. Survival run this afternoon. So many plans laid to waste. But it was a wonderful party.

Planks: yes
Push-ups: yes

Sit-Ups: yes

Yes! We did that. Back on track. See you Tuesday.

You should feel invincible.

Maybe next time,
I'll be lucky.

On Wednesday, I received the announcement from the NYC Marathon that I did not make the lottery. I will not be going to New York this fall, at least, not to run in the marathon. There will be no 20 year celebration of my first marathon, I will not be attempting a fifth race, not this year.

Distance: 4.5 miles

Duration: 40:45
Pace: 9:03

I also resisted the temptation to sign up for a fund raising team. I told myself, if I do not get in, I am not going. Fund raising for Chicago made me culpable. Days before the race I knew it would not go well, but I felt responsible to the people who had donated, I had to run the race. I never want that to happen again, if I don't feel up to the race, I won't race.

Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 66°
Climate: beautiful, man. just beautiful
Mood: apprehensive

Because I have a show that weekend, Halloween weekend. When I signed up for New York, that was when I learned there would be a conflict. A November 1st race? Uh, okay. I'll put my foot in. We'll see what happens. It didn't happen. And that's fine.

2020 Playlist

On Division St - Nation of Language

Murphy's Law - Róisín Murphy

Compression - Monica LaPlante

It Might Be Time - Tame Impala

Heart of Glass (Live from the iHeart Festival) - Miley Cyrus

Dying to Believe - The Beths

Energy - Disclosure

Strange Times - Gorillaz ft. Robert Smith

Hollywood - Car Seat Headrest

Model Village - Idles

BandAid - Nur-D

Having said all that, I need to remember why I run. If I am not training, what am I running to? What am I running for? The running is its own reward. I remain fit. Noom helped me get to 160, and I have stayed there, it is the best weight for me to be. And since I quite the app (it does cost some money) I have maintained my eating habits, drinking water, and the exercise. And more exercise, the sit-ups, the push-ups -- not a lot, I'll never be muscular, and I don't need to be. But maintenance. Remaining fit.

And I enjoy the music.

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 160 lbs. (-0-)

I wanted to run yesterday. It was a beautiful day, but I had to work later than usual, and by the time I got home it was sundown. I no longer run outdoors after dark, it's just not safe. And by that, I mean I could trip or at the very least, run tentatively, afraid of running into something, and that can cause strained muscles and sore knees. Better not to.

It is also beautiful today.

Planks: TBA
Push-ups: TBA

Sit-Ups: TBA

Yeah. I may run tomorrow, too.

So sick of having sleepless nights.

David Finch

Daily life is dizzying. Glad to be well again. A week feeling poor, my sore throat finally abated entirely by Sunday. Last night I came home from work just feeling tired. Not ill, not weak, just sleepy. I had a short night, making dinner for all, then getting in bed by eight. Why not? I thought of those times I had too much to do and felt despair (yes! despair!) knowing how long it would be before I could rest, and how much little rest I would get.

That did not prevent me from waking up at four and taking an hour to get back to sleep ... for another twenty minutes.

I have been having dreams about looking at my phone. That should be a sign. I had posted a video of a fire that had accidentally started in a scene shop at a local theater and then realized I probably shouldn't post that and wandered around trying to get it deleted from all the different social media sites, meanwhile, all around me, the Human League performed a house concert in my kitchen, and a troupe of African dancers were rehearsing in the hallway.

Beautiful art and music was happening all around me, and I was focused on my phone.

Distance: 3 miles

Duration: 26:31

Back to the gym. The elder and I discuss when we will run together, and when we will run apart. We are making plans.

Route: rec center
Temperature: 34°
Climate: damp & cold
Mood: adjusting

1971 Playlist

Pictures of Lily - The Who

Strawberry Letter 23 - Shuggie Otis

The Revolution Will Not Be Televised - Gil Scott Heron

Theme from “Shaft” - Isaac Hayes

Can You Get to That - Funkadelic

Alone Again (Naturally) -  Gilbert O’Sullivan

Jeepster - T. Rex

Peace Train - Yusuf/Cat Stevens

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 160 lbs. (-0-)

Last indoor run for a while? Fingers crossed.

Planks: yes
Push-ups: yes

Sit-Ups: yes

Pump positive vibes.

Same energy.

So. War in the Middle East. Jesus Fucking Christ.

Distance: 3.17 miles

Duration: 31:48
Pace: 10:01

New shoes. They did not have 880s in stock, which is shocking because every white man in America over the age of fifty wears NB 880. They did have 1080s, which are like walking on marshmallows. Doesn't necessarily sound like a bad thing, but I'm so high off the ground I was worried I might twist an ankle or something.

This did not happen. The elder and I both got new kicks, there may be a 10K in our future. Maybe.

Good partner run. But cold. But good. Very impressed they ran a 5K easily, our first time out in a while.

Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 27°
Climate: sunny & cold, light wind 
Mood: all right

Thirteen runs in February, illness took my off my game but I only missed one. Hope to make fifteen in March. March, right?

1991 Playlist

Diane - Material Issue

Good Vibrations - Marky Mark & the Funky Bunch ft. Loleatta Holloway

Visions of You - Jah Wobble's Invaders of the Heart ft. Shuhada' Sadaqat

Pain Lies On the Riverside - Live

Rush - Big Audio Dynamite

Why Should I Cry For You - Sting

7 - Prince & the New Power Generation

Rockin' Back Inside My Heart - Julee Cruise

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 160 lbs. (-0-)

Planks: yes
Push-ups: yes

Sit-Ups: yes

You can run, you can run. But it will catch up.

Current read.

Mind cloud. I do have things to accomplish. I am on a bit of a brain sabbatical. There is some writing, though. I think this weekend might be good, we'll see. I just convinced myself that I don't actually just write down whatever comes into my head. Except here.

Distance: 3.1 miles

Duration: 28:41
Pace: 9:15

Tuesday evening I started feeling something in the back of my throat, but it wasn't until Wednesday night that it broke out into something debilitating. That night I slept for twelve hours. And yet, by the time I got to urgent care -- today -- nothing. Post nasal drip? What? Anyway, I have a sore throat.

And the weather is nice. 

Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 53°
Climate: partly cloudy & cool
Mood: a little drowsy

2011 Playlist

We Will Become Silhouettes - The Shins 

Ritual Union - Little Dragon

Kyoto - Skrillex ft. Sirah

Little Talks - Of Monsters & Men

We Found Love - Rihanna ft. Calvin Harris

Money - The Drums

Don't Play No Game That I Can't Win - Beastie Boys ft. Santigold

Dance Wiv Me - Dizzee Rascal ft. Calvin Harris & Chrom3

In two more runs, I will be halfway through the year runs. And soon we will know if we will be attempting "number five." What's good about the year runs is that I don't have to think about what I am listening to next. If we return to training, that will be something to plan for. 

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 160 lbs.

Planks: yes
Push-ups: yes

Sit-Ups: yes

Where boys run free!

"Pride of Cleveland Suburb Soars for U.S. Hockey"
New York Times, 2/19/2026

The wife reminds me that I am often depressed (maudlin, low energy, etc.) this time of year. Yes, it is the anniversary of father's passing, but it's also just winter. The long, slow slog out of the cold, with no festival of lights, no time off or time with family to bring the cheer.

The Olympics have been fun to watch, Toni gave me that. I do not recall paying any attention to the Games prior to my life with her. The past two weeks I have just turned on the screen to watch whatever, skiing, curling, snowboarding, skating, and, of course, the hockey.

We had a hometown hero on our team this year, and they took the gold. Remarkable.

Distance: 3 miles

Duration: 24:34

I need to resume the good habits. Too many puzzles, first thing in the morning. Today I wrote, which, I have to remind myself, is a form of exercise. Add a glass of water to the cup of coffee, first thing, as you write for 30 minutes. Good habits.

Route: rec center
Temperature: 16°
Climate: cold
Mood: I think I might be better!

1981 Playlist

Music For Boys - The Suburbs

9 to 5 - Dolly Parton

I’m Your Money - Heaven 17

Of Lillies & Remains - Bauhaus

Johnny, Are You Queer? - Josie Cotton

Regiment - Brian Eno & David Byrne

The Freeze - Spandau Ballet 

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 160 lbs. (-1.0)

Planks: yes
Push-ups: yes

Sit-Ups: yes

I hit the bottom.

It's like I have this lingering ugh. I have been exhausted, you know? That and I sobbed like a lost child on Friday, like I haven't cried in a very long time. It was brought on by Spit of You. It's always a song.

But yeah, strange. What does the anniversary of a death mean, anyway? A time for remembrance, but as I said, it is also a reminder of the decade just passed. I did a lot of thinking on Thursday. Friday was just emotionally draining.

Or I'm just tired.

Distance: 3 miles

Duration: 27:25

Then, this morning, as I was "detailing" the Element (the wife has gone out of town for the week) I struck my head on the rear open door. Had my head down, walked my full weight into it and now I have a half-inch wide gash across my forehead.

I have never minded being bald. I first noticed the pattern of hair loss when I was twenty-three and that was a surprise but I got over it pretty fast. I mean, I don't like insults or, as some people call them, "jokes" not because I am embarrassed for being bad but because, like most people, I care to be insulted. Body shaming comes in all forms, just like people, and excuse me for sounding like a wounded white man, but bald jokes do seem like the last acceptable form of body shaming.

No, the one thing that has always made me unhappy about not having hair is when I hit my head and there's a mark or a scab, I am very self-conscious about that. It is a visible sign of clumsiness, I feel it makes me look like a stupid guy. I have a scar at the top of my head from repeated abrasions and scrapes. And there's no hair to hide it.

Route: rec center
Temperature: 30°
Climate: snowy
Mood: depressed

Twenty years ago on this date, February 22, 2006, I had just had my first physical in six years. We ate dessert those days, and often. Probably came with having children. Sweet, little children. We rarely have a dessert any more, they are for occasional splurges.

It's also my first mention of Netflix, which was, at that time, solely a DVD rental-by-mail service. It was surprising to learn they were still doing that until three years ago. Last movie they ever shipped? True Grit (2010). Thank goodness it wasn't something embarrassing, huh?

2001 Playlist

Les Fleur - 4hero ft. Carina Andersson

Superheroes - Daft Punk 

Point of View Point - Cornelius

Exquisite Corpse from “Hedwig and the Angry Inch” OMPS 

Breathe - Télépopmusik ft. Angela McCluskey

Packt Like Sardines in a Crushd Tin Box - Radiohead

Face to Face - Daft Punk

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 161 lbs. (-1.0)

Back to the gym. It was a good week, and I'm glad that I thought to write that. The running was good.

Planks: yes
Push-ups: yes

Sit-Ups: yes

One day that’ll be your forehead I’m kissing.

"This hasn't happened to me since M!"

Wednesday night I was on my own, the wife at a dinner, the elder at their internship. It has been a while since I have been on my own with nothing to do myself. And since the kids have graduated high school, I have tried to take advantage of opportunities like these to do things I always told myself I wanted to -- like to watch movies on my own.

I have also been affected by the use of screens, the inability to focus on one story from beginning to end. It's easier at the cinema. On Monday I treated myself to The Testament of Ann Lee. I went out, had a beer, got popcorn, and watched a flick, all by my lonesome.

Wednesday night, I took time to make a list of possible selections. I chose M, Fritz Lang's 1931 psychological thriller which introduced the world to Peter Lorre.

Goodness. Isn't that film timely.

Distance: 3.1 miles

Duration: 28:11
Pace: 9:05

Ten years ago yesterday, my life changed forever. Maybe it is too facile to think that only the death of someone close to me defines my existence, but upon reflection it certainly seems that way. When Calvin was born in 2001, I became a different person, suddenly, and then gradually. I thought differently, looked at the world and the people in it differently.

When my father died of a massive heart attack on the morning of February 19, 2016, my world shifted again, and I moved into this new phase of my life with uncertainty, but also a new purpose. 

With the deaths of Bowie and Prince at around the same time, it became a meme that year, "Everyone is dying! Put a ring around Betty White!" Yeah, well. As George St. Geegland put it, "When a famous person dies, blame the year and make it about you." My father died in 2016, it wasn't part of a curse, it was thing that happened. It was going to happen, fathers die.

As will I, some day. Most mornings these days I say farewell to our elder child as they head off to the openings shift at a local bakery and coffee shop. I am their father. As he was to me, I am to them. I hope I live so long. Longer, though. When did my father stop running? Why did he stop running? I feel like it was something he did for a short while, starting later than I did, and stopping before this. I do not recall.

The exercise keeps me healthy, and fit. Will it extend my existence?

Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 52°
Climate: sunny & damp
Mood: sad

I am so sick of some people.

2021 Playlist

Be Sweet - Japanese Breakfast

Security - Amyl & The Sniffers

The Overload - Yard Act

Now I'm In It - Haim

Wet Dream - Wet Leg

Freedom - Jon Batiste

Russian Doll - Gully Boys

The Gathering - Frank Turner

Spit of You - Sam Fender

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 162 lbs. (+2.0)

We watched the USA Gold match yesterday. I had fried pickles, mozzarella moons and onion rings. Then I didn't eat anything for the rest of the day.

Planks: yes
Push-ups: yes

Sit-Ups: yes

Must keep up with the upper body exercises.

I'm a dude, dad.

Would the weekend have been as taxing if I were not ill? As we continue into the week, I feel as though I have had a piece of me bitten off. Disoriented, dizzier. 

My run on Monday, as I reported, included a few near spills. Slips on snow and ice. I don't want to become like my father, falling all the time. Losing my balance. 

I wonder if household falls are going to become an issue for me. I have never liked how cluttered our house is, having to navigate piles of stuff. Our halls are too narrow for this. I am going to tumble backward and break my hip, or worse.

Distance: 3.1 miles

Duration: 29:25
Pace: 9:28

We are making plans for the Cleveland 10K, and by we, I mean me and one other. It will require training. The race is on 16 May. Ten years ago, that weekend, it fucking snowed. It could again, right? I mean, who knows what the fuck will happen?

Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 57°
Climate: sunny!
Mood: unsteady & grateful

1972 Playlist

Popcorn - Jean-Michel Jarre

I Saw the Light - Todd Rundgren

Satellite of Love - Lou Reed

You're So Vain - Carly Simon

Crocodile Rock - Elton John

All the Young Dudes - Mott the Hoople

Traveler in Time - Uriah Heep

Gudbuy T’Jane - Slade

City of New Orleans - Arlo Guthrie

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 160 lbs. (-1.0)

This morning I was socked with a migraine. I haven't felt such head pain in, I am glad to say, I very long time. Much of this was my fault, stayed up later than my body wanted me to, didn't drink enough water last night. I had head pain all night, in the morning I tried to fight through it, but there is only so much you can do. I even took a shower, and almost fell over in the tub. Not good.

Two ibuprofen, one Sudafed, and a Dramamine -- it's the Dramamine I could have used twenty years ago, the sick feeling of the migraine that makes it unendurable. I was able to sleep for three solid hours.

Planks: TBA
Push-ups: TBA

Sit-Ups: yes

Spring-like weather. See you Friday.

The crime was looking up the truth.

Thank God, it's Presidents Day. We had a lovely weekend with my wife's family, celebrating the life of her eldest uncle. I do love spending time with her family, very much. They are all so thoughtful, compassionate and creative. The service was remarkable. It was held in a chapel in Hyde Park, the priest gave the most sincerely affecting homily, I don't believe I have ever left a memorial service feeling so hopeful.

At the same time, I was nursing my cold and felt a bit stand-offish. I wanted to thank her, to thank the musician at the reception, our hosts, but I kept losing the moment. I can still do these things (well, not for the guitarist) and will make a note to do so.

Distance: 3.5 miles

Duration: 34:21
Pace: 9:49

We took the Lake Shore Limited. We discussed the possibility of never flying into NYC again. True, it takes half a day to get there, but so what? It's so much cheaper, the taxi from LaGuardia to wherever we're staying -- one way -- is one hundred bucks all by itself, and you get dropped off in the heart of the city! And it's not like air travel has anything to recommend it, it's maybe half the time, all told, right? Six hours, as opposed to twelve?

And you can read on the train, take a walk, relocate for a bit, they have acceptable food options, or you can bring your own. 

Then again, returning home today. Not sleeping on the coach, and it was so cold. I am so sick and tired of cold. Pulling in at 4:00 am. The day is a complete write-off. Thank God, it's Presidents Day.

Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 50°
Climate: sunny & lovely
Mood: more determined than ever

Pavement damp, puddled, or clogged with crispy snow. Nearly wiped out twice from slipping, once almost falling forward, the second to the side. Still, ran steady but easy, stopping when necessary, into the street when the sidewalk was high with snow and the street was free.

First outdoor run since the Turkey Trot, first park run since November 22. The gym is so even, so controlled, so predictable (others notwithstanding) the outdoors makes me breath harder, think harder, move harder. It is more taxing to run outdoors. It is more rewarding.

1992 Playlist

One Place (Acoustic) - Everything But the Girl

Eastern Bloc - Thomas Dolby

Mama's Always On Stage - Arrested Development

Television is the Drug of the Nation - Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy

We Are Each Other - Beautiful South

Humpin' Around - Bobby Brown

Galileo - Indigo Girls

The King of Wishful Thinking - Go West

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 161 lbs. (+1.0)

Planks: yes
Push-ups: yes

Sit-Ups: TBA

Straight to your heart.

Twenty years ago, on February 14, 2006, I noted how I felt running would prolong my life. I said that I hoped our elder child to be "older than this before I die." I was thirty-seven then. They are now twenty-three. So I just need to hang on another fourteen years.

February 14, 2006 Playlist

Remember the Time - Michael Jackson

Closer to God - Nine Inch Nails

Party Machine - Hoodoo Gurus

All Night Long - Peter Murphy

Burning Love - Elvis Presley

Atom Bomb (Atomix 1) - Fluke

Dead Man's Party - Oingo Boingo

Run On - Elvis Presley

Distance: 3 miles

Duration: 28:36

This weekend we took the train to Poughkeepsie for a celebration of life event. I have suffered a cold the past few days (it started in while I was teaching Wednesday afternoon) and while I could have taken the mile long walk from Toni's cousin's place to the hotel, I am weary of being cold.

Temps pick up this week, for a bit. But will the pavement in East Cleveland be clear enough for the first outdoor run of 2026? We shall see.

Site: Heartwood Hotel at Vassar (exercise room, treadmill)
Temperature: 30°
Climate: cool & clear
Mood: addled

2012 Playlist

Another Night - Claptone

Five Seconds - Twin Shadow

Sweet Nothing - Calvin Harris ft. Florence Welch

I Knew You Were Trouble. - Taylor Swift

Default - Django Django

Youth Without Youth - Metric

Can't Hold Us - Macklemore & Ryan Lewis ft. Ray Dalton

Stretches: yes
Water: yes

We're reading more books! I made it a goal to read twenty books (or full length scripts) in 2026, and recently finished both Dark Renaissance by Stephen Greenblatt and Monsters by Claire Dederer.

"Love is not reliant on judgment, but on a decision to set judgment aside."

- Claire Dederer, Monsters

Now onto the play script, Up Your Ass by Valerie Solanas. Happy Valentine's Day!

You have to learn to pace yourself.

For an "easy week" it's pretty full. Conducting the Salesman residency at an exurban high school, attending an in-person staff meeting (a rarity since COVID) and hitting Dark Room. But 80s music is inspiring, so run we must.

Also, we just ended the longest streak of below-freezing days since 1899! But not today.

Distance: 3 miles

Duration: 24:47

"You need despair and anger in order for an authoritarian to rise."
- Heather Cox Richardson

Route: rec center
Temperature: 30°
Climate: cool
Mood: all right?

1982 Playlist

I'm So Excited (Extended Version) - The Pointer Sisters

More Than This - Roxy Music

Pressure - Billy Joel

Jason & the Argonauts - XTC 

Don’t Go - Yazoo

Rio (Night Version) - Duran Duran

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 160 lbs. (-0-)

We are attending a ceremony of life in Poughkeepsie this weekend, I am not certain if I will get a run in. In fact, I'm not sure that I should try. Because these are the times I should relax and not worry about such things. Still, twenty-one consistent runs since the beginning of the new year. Something to be thankful for.

Planks: TBA
Push-ups: yes

Sit-Ups: TBA

Suddenly, a new burst of energy has occurred.

On February 9, 2006, I wrote about "the route." This was the route I regularly ran, ever since I moved to Potter Village. I would weave up and down the streets in the my neighborhood, and then perhaps do one large loop that, again, did not take me very far from home.

I had not realized this yet, the first side street I would take had (it still has) a significant incline, which was taxing on this inexperienced runner who wore nine year old sneakers and had only stopped smoking less than five years earlier.

Distance: 3 miles

Duration: 24:31

BTW the halftime show was fucking epic.

Route: rec center
Temperature: 2°
Climate: just cold
Mood: all right 

It's a winter, you know? Like we've forgotten what that is. It's cold for a while, and there's snow and ice. Then it gets warmer and we have spring. It's good for the planet to have a winter. And the forecast is, it's over.

2002 Playlist

This Love - Maroon Five

Fuck the Pain Away - Peaches

Do You Realize?? - Flaming Lips

Breathe In - Frou Frou

Music Plus 1 - Cornershop

8 Mile - Eminem

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 160 lbs. (-0-)

One things I have learned reading over the first few posts from this blog, is that pain a temporary. It comes, it goes, I feel it in different places. But it's not permanent. Eventually, perhaps but not yet. But shit, my back hurts.

Planks: yes
Push-ups: yes

Sit-Ups: yes

See you Wednesday.

Charge me up now.

March 2006
(That's a dye job.)

With the life I am currently living, it makes sense that I completely forgot to acknowledge the fact that this blog is twenty years old. "Daddy Runs Fast" began on January 10, 2006. My first run of the new year. I was 37 years old. I was about 170 lbs. I was complaining about belly fat. I had plantar warts. I had a lingering hamstring pull. I would soon develop shin splints. I thought myself old.

I am glad that at that time, I considered 170 lbs. to be "10 pounds overweight." That I knew then what my ideal weight is — which is where I am now. A thing to be proud of. On that date, I ran two miles, and that it was hard. I would run a marathon that November.

January 10, 2006 Playlist

Holiday - Green Day

Mirror In the Bathroom - The Beat

I Don't Want Your Love - Duran Duran

Tear You Apart - She Wants Revenge

Not much changes. I imagine I am no older now than I was then.

Distance: 3 miles

Duration: 25:15

I currently have back pain. This began last month, when I participated in stage combat choreography and lasted through the holidays. It went away but recurred this week, I believe because I tried doing some bicycles instead of sit-ups.

Route: rec center
Temperature: 12°
Climate: sunny & cold
Mood: all right

2022 Playlist

Selfish Soul - Sudan Archives

Down - Hot Chip

Snap (170 bpm) - Rosa Linn

Dashstar*-VIP - Knock2

Good Ones - Charli xcx

Lost Track (162 bpm) - Haim

Stabilise - Nilüfer Yanya 

Power Station - Cory Wong

Circuit Board - Raveena 

Take Me to the Good Times - The Suffers

"Twenty Twenty-Two?" Was that actually a year? A year that happened? That's silly.

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 160 lbs.

Planks: yes
Push-ups: yes

Sit-Ups: yes

Come on with me cruising down the street.

Deep winter malaise. But I followed up on the Marlowe biography by picking up Doctor Faustus. Plays count as books, right? I gave myself a goal, to read twenty books tis year. For some, that's nothing, but for me it's a stretch. That's right, I don't read enough. Something no one else has ever said in the history of the world.

Distance: 3 miles

Duration: 27:11

Okay. We applied. Drawing is in one month, on Wednesday, March 4. Then I will worry about whether or not I can actually do it.

Route: rec center
Temperature: 6°
Climate: still freezing
Mood: all right

1973 Playlist

I'll Be Around - The Spinners

Dancing in the Moonlight - King Harvest

Street Life - Roxy Music

Photograph - Ringo Starr

Paris 1919 - John Cale

For the Love of Money - O’Jays

The Cisco Kid - War

Three Is a Magic Number - Bob Dorough

Mild run. Felt good. Fewer “obstacles” today, too.

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 160 lbs. (-0-)

Just dropped, a re-release of The Cure's 1986 vocal remix of Boys Don't Cry. I'll be running to that some day in April.

Planks: TBA
Push-ups: TBA

Sit-Ups: TBA

Too many Tuesday mornings.

"Name three races you've finished."

Difficult couple of days, disjointed, uninspired. The only way through is to keep moving. Get rest, eat wisely, exercise, continue to complete the assignments.

Distance: 3 miles (?)

Duration: 26:59

Been reading a lot recently, to the exclusion of going out. It's so cold, the idea of seeing a movie doesn't appeal. Then, neither do the movie selections. But reading is good.

Route: rec center
Temperature: 21°
Climate: downright balmy
Mood: prepared

So many men walking in the running lane. Timing is off, but it may be accurate. Jesus.

1993 Playlist

Tuesday Morning - The Pogues

Come Baby Come - K7

High Noon - Kruder & Dorfmeister

Insane in the Brain - Cypress Hill

Sodium Light Baby - The The

Return to Innocence - Enigma

Pennyroyal Tea - Nirvana

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 160 lbs. (-3.0)

The goal is still 155 lbs.

Planks: yes
Push-ups: yes

Sit-Ups: TBA

Here, take my shirt and just go ahead and wipe up all the sweat.

Happy birthday!

What has Noom done for me, now that I have unsubscribed? I take the stairs, every day, all the time. I drink more water. I am consistent in exercise. I am much more aware of hat I eat, how I eat, when I eat, what inspires me to eat, and how I choose not to eat things -- and to enjoy the shit out of what I do eat.

Distance: 3 miles

Duration: 26:12

Then, anxiety. I have so many things going on, and accompanying each is the fear that someone hates me for it. My job, my writing, my production, and yes, my government. The only people I completely trust are members of my family.

Anyway, back to work.

Route: rec center
Temperature: 11°
Climate: cold but sunny
Mood: getting it done

Man. That was a run I did not want to do. Sunday morning, stay home, watch SNL with the wife. It was slow at first, but I am glad I made it happen.

2013 Playlist

Chain My Name - Poliça

Fare Thee Well (Dink's Song) - Marcus Mumford & Oscar Isaac ft. Punch Brothers

Tangled Up (Lokee Remix) - Caro Emerald

Pumpin Blood - Nonono 

Aria Math - C418

Lose Yourself To Dance - Daft Punk ft. Pharrell

Little Numbers - Boy

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 163 lbs. (+3.0)

Middle-aged fucks weaving across lanes, walking the wrong way for a short cut to the equipment they want to use. I mean, go on king, we’re all trying to stay alive but I don’t own this place, either.

Planks: yes
Push-ups: yes

Sit-Ups: yes

Let your imagination run wild.

January 30, 2023

It has been a very long time since I have had this many runs in January. Back then I might run twenty times, but I no longer have the stamina for that. I was even running outside in the snow back then. No, thank you.

Distance: 3 miles

Duration: 24:38

Another thing ... I have been sneezing, all the time, for about three weeks. It's crazy. It's like there's something in our living room, like mold or something. It's killing me. I have to jack up on Sudafed just to stop the drainage, it's awful.

Route: rec center 
Temperature: -2°
Climate: still
Mood: driven

1983 Playlist

Adventures In Success - Will Powers

A New England (168 bpm) - Billy Bragg

Automatic Man - Michael Sembello

Communication (12 “ Version) (152 bpm) - Spandau Ballet

I Love It When (You Call Me Names) - Joan Armatrading

School Is In (159 bpm) - Josie Cotton

You Stand By - Roman Holiday

This Is the Day - The The

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 160 lbs. (-0-)

Planks: yes
Push-ups: yes

Sit-Ups: yes

Let the rhythm pull you in.

I have canceled Noom. It has become a burden, logging all that information for me to stay in the same place. I mean, I am glad I am in the same place. The question is, can I stay here on my own? I am aware of what is necessary for me to feel good, do I need to spend that much money for an app to remind me to keep on it?

It is a lot of money.

I am still logged on through the end of April. It recently renewed -- which was my reminder to stop. 

So. Let's see how we do on our own.

Distance: 3 miles

Duration: 25:47

Woke this morning with a headache and also a strong case or vertigo. I do not know how these two related to each other, but they did not compliment each other. I read for a half-hour, from six to seven (RIP) but then I just went back to bed, getting up once for breakfast,

I hope this is a passing thing. My wife encourages me to do the exercises, but I really hate to do them. Like, more than most exercises. I should get on them, though. I also don't feel they do anything, but I guess I would think that.  

Route: rec center
Temperature: 9°
Climate: freezing
Mood: better

2003 Playlist

Naughty Girl  - Beyoncé

Superstar - Jamelia

There, There - Radiohead

You’re So Damn Hot - OK Go

Cry Me a River - Justin Timberlake

Solsbury Hill - Erasure

Slow (Chemical Brothers Remix) - Kylie Minogue 

Wow. That was an amazing playlist.

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 160 lbs. (-2.0)

Planks: TBA
Push-ups: yes

Sit-Ups: yes

Moving ‘til my feet get sore.

Alex Pretti

This country is just so fucked.

Distance: 3 miles

Duration: 26:06
Route: rec center
Temperature: 17°
Climate: continual snow
Mood: not happy

2023 Playlist

A Real Thing (160 bpm) - The Beths

Hot In It - Tiësto ft. Charlie xcx 

The One That Got Away - Muna

Loving You - Cannons

Fireworks (173 bpm) - Joseph

The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald - The Dandy Warhols

Daily News (160 bpm) - Bartees Strange

Echolalia - Yves Tumor

Stretches: sort of
Water:  yes
Weight: 162 lbs.

Planks: yes
Push-ups: yes

Sit-Ups: yes

The wind is cold.

Working to incorporate a regular reading schedule. I have realized that I enjoy doing nothing in bed (no jokes, please) I do not like reading in bed, I do not like eating in bed, I do not like writing in bed.

And when it is time for sleep, I need to just hit the pillow. I like to read during the day, I like doing most thing during the day. At night, I’m just done.

Distance: 3 miles

Duration: 24:59
Route: rec center
Temperature: 4°
Climate: sunny & freezing
Mood: getting it

1974 Playlist

Be Thankful For What You Got - William DeVaughn

Jungle Boogie - Kool & the Gang

Junior’s Farm - Wings

You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet - Bachman-Turner Overdrive

Back in NYC - Genesis 

Pick Up the Pieces - Average White Band

The Thrill of it All - Roxy Music

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 162 lbs. (+1.0)

Planks: yes
Push-ups: yes

Sit-Ups: yes

Every morning I just hit the ground yawning.

There was this day, maybe the day after the day after new year's 1996, when I called in late to work and my boss said, "Remember, you're not on break anymore," which was a condescending thing to say and entirely appropriate for my relationship with her and sound advice for someone who was my age and at that time.

Joyce was a like a mother to me in many ways, and taught me many, many things. But that also means some of her admonishments stick in my mind the way those from my mother also still do. (Joyce is fine, by the way, this isn't about Joyce.)

Rolling out of the holidays, these days, I hit the ground running, as I have this year and better than most. However, I have been drinking a lot. Much of this has to do with what I have been doing with my evenings which has included a great deal of reading and writing. So, why not? I'm home and safe, the liquor is stocked and I am safely seated on the couch before the fire (ostensibly) writing.

Tea is a beverage, too, though. And water. We're short on seltzer, I need to get on that. The writing (and reading) gets worse as I drink, anyhow.

In 1990, I wrote an entire 300-page book manuscript fueled by Southern Comfort 100 and Camel Lights. It was garbage. 

Distance: 3 miles

Duration: 24:53
Route: rec center
Temperature: 22°
Climate: overcast & cold
Mood: full of scorpions

1994 Playlist

Rollercoaster (King Britt Scuba Remix) - Everything But the Girl

Stay (I Missed You) - Lisa Loeb

Intermittently - Barenaked Ladies

My Name is Jonas - Weezer

I Don’t Understand Anything - Everything But the Girl

Down to This - Soul Coughing

Shoop - Salt-N-Pepa

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 161 lbs. (+1.0)

Planks: yes
Push-ups: yes

Sit-Ups: TBA

See you Saturday.

I’ll run all night. Don’t let me.

Winters are supposed to be cold. And things going the way they have been, we deserve even more days off. It's difficult being a water-based organism in this climate. 

Distance: 3 miles

Duration: 25:43

We continue, undaunted. Controlling your diet when you are copped up is a challenge ... it helps when you haven't been to the grocery store and your house is no longer full of snacks.

Route: rec center
Temperature: 6°
Climate: bright & freezing
Mood: getting it

2014 Playlist

212 - Azealia Banks ft. Lazy Jay

Here Lies Love (Curtain Call) - Ruthie Ann Miles

Rather Be - Clean Bandit ft. Jess Gylnne

Boom Clap - Charli xcx 

Barbra Streisand - Duck Sauce ft. A-Trak & Armand Van Helden 

Girls Chase Boys (170 bpm) - Ingrid Michaelson

Time - Jungle

After the Disco - Broken Bells ft. Danger Mouse & James Mercer

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 160 lbs. (-0-) 

Still sneezy. Still not ill.

Planks: yes
Push-ups: yes

Sit-Ups: yes