This, after all the parents gathered to take pictures of our kids at the art museum before Prom. I tried to avoid photos, but there's a very nice one of me, and she and her. And my shirt is very snug. It was embarrassing to me. I am trying to be my own shape, but I just eat shit.
I even have boobs now.
And I wanted to exercise, I did. But I kept putting it off, or trying to engage the boy. By early Sunday night, I was tired. Junk food tired, you know? At least the wife made an excellent salad for dinner. Those have everything I need.
Duration: 31:00
Pace: 9:59
Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 63°
Climate: overcast & humid
Mood: anxious
Weight: 189.5 lbs. (+2.5)
Christ, almighty.
Much cooler today. And after a couple days off, I'm like, nah. It's funny, 63° and overcast seems chilly like 63° and sunny definitely does not.
Things that are giving me anxiety today: Social messaging for CSU, my Early American Poetry class, the sheer amount of junk food I consumed the past two days, what I look like in that photograph, racial inequity in the workplace, certain professional issues and certain personal relationships, making plans to scatter ashes, losing hard at trivia. It's a lot.
1994 Playlist
Fantastic Voyage - Coolio
Closer - Nine Inch Nails
You Gotta Be - Des'ree
When I Come Around - Green Day
Ruiner - Nine Inch Nails
Shoop - Salt-N-Pepa
Sure Shot - Beastie Boys
Gin N Juice - Snoop Dogg ft. Daz Dillinger
What a messed up year 1994 was. I hear songs I haven't heard in a while -- while running -- and I am reminded of how angry I was, how unhappy I was. Also, how active I was, how much was going on.
And how bad I was. I was awful. And miserable. Self-pitying, self-loathing, self-aggrandizing. All self, no other. No excuses, sometimes it is good to remember how it happened, and music helps me do that.
No comments:
Post a Comment