Ha ha, no. This is not actually what is upsetting me today.
Amazing. I almost vomited while driving tonight. coming home from work. Worked myself into a mental tizzy, and felt sick to my stomach and I think if I had continued to think, it would have all come up. I almost grabbed the plastic bag on the seat next to me.
I can deal with stress, I can cope with emergencies. Sadness just is, grief comes and goes. The inbetween, the mounting dread, the fear of what's next. What will happen? That is where my anxiety truly lies.
My wife instructed me to take a run as soon as I got home this evening. She recommended it. She knows what is good for me.
Climate: Very, very nice.
Distance: 3.25 miles
Between yesterday's run and today's, it snowed a lot. And now it's in the 40s. Neat. Shorts!
Shorts make a difference, and as long as it is not precipitating (snow or rain - it stings) then running in 40 degree weather is entirely pleasant. Long-sleeves of some kind, please (the fleece is too hot, no thank you, not again) but definitely shorts. Less resistance, more speed, good times. I surprised myself how fast I was running tonight. Keep that up, I may not want to stop.
And now ... about reading. Anxiety, nervousness, a desperate need to check my email or facebook every five minutes, has made concentrating on a book extremely difficult. Since fall I have started some half-dozen books, mostly non-fiction, and finished none of them.
Last night I was half-enjoying (buzz, buzz) a biography of Winsor McCay, when I became overwhelmed with thoughts and images from Larry Tye's history of Superman. After fifteen minutes I realized I was a grown-up and can do whatever the hell I like and switched to the Superman book. Twenty minutes later I was back with Winsor McCay ... and putting that down for bed fifteen minutes after that I realized I had successfully read longer and without interruption than I had since the holidays.
Across This Antheap - XTC
Down In It - Nine Inch Nails
Electric Chair - Prince
Sowing The Seeds of Love (170 bpm) - Tears For Fears
King For A Day - XTC
Veronica - Elvis Costello
No Myth - Michael Penn
Into the darkness, and out again. What a great year for records.
Huh. I really did it. I skipped over a Michelle Shocked track because she has become a narrow-minded bigot and I don't think I can stand to listen to her anymore. That makes me sad.