I'm on the dark side of the street (not the light side of the street).

We reach the end of another (abridged) week. I am full of anxiety but I do not know why. I mean, there are reasons. I have a headache for one. Don't appreciate that. But there are a myriad of little things, many of them are normal, I guess. The writing contest matinee approaches, the possibility of additional work, the IRS thing, the writing, the research.

I reached back and found that an anniversary is approaching for a particular artistic piece which has not aged well. But I want to share it. Should I fear? So many wonderful people collaborated on it, but I made a couple mistakes. Should I draw attention to it? Probably. Admit your mistakes and move on. Though, it's much easier when they are simply memory-holed. 

Distance: 3.1 miles

Duration: 27:10
Pace: 8:46

God, it feels like years since my last run. Two days, but it feels like years. These have been busy days. I should embrace that. And what about today?

Everything But the Girl Workout Playlist

Lullaby of Clubland (Jay 'Sinister' Sealee Remix)

Come On Home (Extended Mix)

Twin Cities (Wildwood Remix)

One Place (acoustic)

Driving (Masters at Work Racing Mix)

These Early Days (Dave Bascombe Remix)

Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 43°
Climate: sun w/light clouds
Mood: all right

Lovely, outdoor run. Wore the jacket, brought gloves which I removed halfway through. Still slight head pain but there is so much to do today -- and so much time to do it! 

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 164 lbs.

Maintain, son. Maintain.

Planks: yes
Push-ups: yes

Sit-Ups: yes

My head’s so clear.

Okay, I did it. An hour-long playlist featuring one track from every single Everything But the Girl LP. That's including from Worldwide.* 

Distance: 3 miles

Duration: 25:53

Everything But the Girl Workout Playlist

Five Fathoms (Kevin Yost Everything & a Groove Mix)
Fascination 

Nothing Left to Lose (Extended Club Mix)

When All's Well

Rollercoaster (King Britt Scuba Remix)

Route: rec center
Temperature: 35°
Climate: partly cloudy
Mood: get it

A few days off become anxious, I have been neglectful, and there is so much to do. I need to re-collect. Last night we were back in town, had dinner with old friends. Tonight my slate is clean, but that also requires planning and preparation.

Make. Clean. Do. Read. Write. These are things I enjoy. Feel good. It will feel alright.

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 165 lbs.

Planks: yes
Push-ups: yes

Sit-Ups: yes

*Two tracks from Temperamental to make it an hour, and nothing from their eponymous American debut because it is mostly identical to their UK debut Eden.

Not running out while my heart's unsteady.

Mini-vacation is Cincinnati. The boy has not one but two gigs this week. Feels like an exercise in enforced relaxation, for which we are immensely fortunate. A couple of nights at the Gaslight Bed & Breakfast, our home away from home, to write, watch TV, listen to jazz and flop around. And run.

Distance: 2 miles

Duration: 18:00
Pace: 9:00

The Best of Everything But the Girl (2025)

Before Today

No Difference

Driving

Each and Every One

Rollercoaster

I love each and every one of these tracks. But are they the best? Which is to say, is there nothing above? I have to quibble. Three tracks from Walking Wounded and one track from Temperamental -- and it's not "Five Fathoms"?

Nothing from Love Not Money? It's okay there isn't anything from Worldwide.

They should have asked me to curate. And perhaps I still may. A playlist called The Very Best of Everything But the Girl.

Route: Gaslight Loop
Temperature: 50°
Climate: sunny & beautiful
Mood: determined

Stretches: yes
Water: yes

Planks: TBA
Push-ups: yes

Sit-Ups: TBA

Actual lyric: "Not running out for a while, my heart's unsteady."

Two steps ahead of everyone.

How odd. By the end of the day on Wednesday, I was feeling poor, like I was getting a cold. I noticed during my run that I felt rather weak. Not weak enough not to run, and maybe that was it. I was using a BPM playlist and perhaps pushing myself harder than I should have been.

I thought I would wake up Thursday completely sick, but that did not happen. I am grateful. I don't want to be sick.

Still, in my torpor I polished off a bag of Peanut M&M's and what was left of a bag of Doritos from Sunday night. Illness as an excuse.  

Distance: 3 miles

Duration: 26:01

I'd really love a brief uptick in the weather, for one more run in the woods. Committing to the rec center so soon is a drag. The fact is, I run faster in the rec center; it's flat, level, no dips or possible places to trip. I sometimes torture myself with images of losing my feet and going forehead-first into an I-beam.

But I can't tell if I'm the asshole or if it is everyone else. I know you are enjoying your time at the gym, but I am sick of people walking four abreast. They know there is a runner on the track, but they just chat and try to pay attention to when I come around but it's not that wide of a track. I come around in less than a minute.

I think they think I should just use the treadmill, but Jesus Christ, so could they.

Route: rec center
Temperature: 38
Climate: overcast & cold
Mood: driven

Best thing about the track is that I pause, briefly, after every mile and have a big healthy drink of water. That’s extremely helpful.

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 165 lbs.

We're failing sugar season. Time to tighten up. But I did make this amazing pizza last night, using the marinara pasta with Romanesco as a topping.

Planks: yes
Push-ups: yes

Sit-Ups: yes

The Best of Everything But the Girl (2025)

Missing (Terry Todd Radio Edit)

Nothing Left to Lose

Tracey in My Room (Lazy Dog Bootleg Vocal Mix)

Walking Wounded (159 BPM)

Single

Corcovado (157 BPM)

This singles collection was released today, November 14, 2025. Most of the tracks I listened to today are from 1994-1996, so there's a lot of guilt and shame in there. My God, what would I have done without Tracey and Ben?

Kiss me while the world decays.

Friends and neighbors ... 58* Playlists for 57 Years (1967-2023).

2023 Playlist - or - "Fuse" by Everything But the Girl

Nothing Left to Lose

Run a Red Light (164 bpm)

Caution to the Wind

When You Mess Up

Time and Time Again

No One Knows We're Dancing

Lost

Forever

Interior Space

Karaoke (160 bpm)

Hilarious. I did 1968 twice. No idea how that happened. 

And none of you told me.

What is 2023? Our youngest child will graduate from high school. I achieve a Masters degree. The eldest spent a semester in Costa Rica. My wife is the happiest she has ever been, working in a bookstore. What will the rest of the year bring? No idea. Being hopeful is tinged with fear, knowing it can all come so swiftly to a screeching halt. We will do our best to look forward.

Since the pandemic, I have been developing sties with disheartening regularity. My left lid has been red and swollen for two weeks. It even healed for a bit and then regained strength. This had never been a problem for me before and now it's part of my existence. Sigh.

I begin with anxiety. There are many reasons for this. Because it's later than I hoped to get out. Because it is raining a little, and I hope it will not rain more. Because of writing. Because of not writing. Because of professional uncertainty, that's vague enough. And because I am about to listen to the entirety of a new album from an act I love who have not recorded new music since I was thirty years old and I hope it goes well. 

The entire album is only thirty-five minutes long. Perfect for a run through the park.

Fuse (2023)

"I lost my mother / then I just lost it."

fuse fuze / (fjuːz) /
n. device by which an explosive charge is ignited
v. to become united

Oh, Tracey and Ben. I have missed you very much.

Distance: 3.8 miles

Duration: 35:34
Pace: 9:20

Route: Forest Hill Loop

Temperature: 54°
Climate: light rain

Pavement: wet
Mood: much better

 
Stretches: yes
Abdominals: 

Upper body: 10 reps.
Water: yes

Breakfast: coffee w/cream, Haribo Starmix (well?)

Coffee Break: latte w/oatmilk

Lunch: nigiri & roll sushi, salad

Treat: more Starmix, banana, Twizzlers (Jesus)

Dinner: lemon chicken, bok choy over rice, scallion pancake

Oh my God, this woman handed me a dozen fun size Twizzlers and I ate them. I have had so much sugar today. Total backslide. Damn.

Baseline: 195 lbs.

Current: 177.5 lbs. (-1.0)

Goal: 175 lbs.

What's next?

It ain't easy living above.

There are few acts that I am hopelessly dedicated to. Like, "Oh, man! The Stones has a new album coming out!" I've never said. No one says that. But you know what I mean? 

There are acts that once had a great run of singles, but few that consistently generate work that I like -- me -- over an extended period of time.

Except Ben Gibbard. And I'm not, like, I wouldn't call myself a Death Cab fan. But he keeps creating songs I really enjoy, year after year. He's the Dad Whisperer.

Oh! And Everything But the Girl is releasing their first album since 1999 next year!!!

Distance: 3.1 miles

Duration: 29:29
Pace: 9:31

Route: Forest Hill Loop

Temperature: 60°
Climate: sunny & warm
Mood: good

 

Man. Most of these tunes have excellent bpm, too! Boss run, no zombies. Just sunshine and dead leaves.

 
Stretches: yes
Water: yes

Weight: 186 lbs. 

Goal: 180 lbs.

I have a reading tonight. I will not record what I ate today.

Ben Gibbard Playlist

Here to Forever

The District Seeps Alone Tonight

The Ghosts of Beverly Drive

Transatlantisicsm

I Will Possess Your Heart (Radio Edit)

Gold Rush

So there we both were in that little house.

Recently Albumbism held a readers poll and Walking Wounded was declared the best Everything But the Girl album of all time. I would have said Amplified Heart, but no one really has favorites among children.

Distance: 3.5 miles
Duration: 33 minutes
Route: Rec Center
Mood: decent
Exercises: No.

Nineteen Ninety-Six was the year of settling in. My new girlfriend had moved to Cleveland and we were childless and animated. Everything But the Girl has played Cleveland exactly once and we were there, at the Odeon in the Flats. We stayed behind after to meet the band. God they were lovely and I wanted to take them home with us.

1996 Playlist - or - "Walking Wounded" by Everything But the Girl
Before Today (Adam F Remix)
Wrong
Single
Walking Wounded
Flipside
Big Deal
Mirrorball

Brisk run, quick breaks for water. Ran out the (abridged) album. Feel good, running fast. I still hurt, perhaps I always will hurt. But can I maintain, can I ignore, can I concentrate on what is relevant? Breathe, be here now. There will always be pain. Stand tall. Accept.

I have started reading Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind. Yes, I may follow this path.

Baseline: 179.5 lbs.
Today: 181.5 lbs. (-0-)
Goal: 175 lbs.

Visit my Team Challenge Crohn's & Colitis page and support my bid for the Chicago Marathon!

This is my road to my redemption.

Twenty years ago, one life ended, another began. On the surface, this departure may be obvious. It may appear facile to suggest that the sudden and complete collapse of a five-year relationship and recent first marriage represents the end of a "life" or that my current "life" is defined by the commencement of my relationship with the woman with whom I became romantically involved at that same time.

In fact, the loss of our first child in 2001 marked a much more significant change in my sense of self, redefined entirely what I feel is important or where my concentration truly belongs.

And yet. The near-nervous breakdown I had in early Spring was before my relationship with Toni began, and though that set the stage for what was to follow, I will not concede our "hooking up" to be the catalyst for the lines I was about to cross, in my personal relationships or in what at that point had most defined my professional and artistic career, Guerrilla Theater Company.

By the end of 1994, I was unsure as to whether I had a single friend in the world apart from her, nor exactly who I was going to be for the rest of my life. I had spent my life following people. I resented them for it, but that is where I chose to be, it is what I was used to. From that point on I began my uncertain attempt to take control, and to lead.

Lucky for me, I found someone who believes in me. Or more to the point, who I believe believes in me.

Temperature: 50°
Distance: 3.25 miles
Remember: Do not run on an empty stomach.

The air is moist before the dawn. The inferno on the horizon racing me towards home. Pam pam pam my feet hit the pavement pam pam pam. Pick ‘em up, put ‘em down, pam pam pam. Pam pam pam! PAM PAM WHOOSH! Light as a feather, heading for home, my toes barely touch the street, worry and fear and shame and doubt have brought me to this place, devoid of mass. Light as a feather, I fly home.

- from And Then You Die (How I Ran a Marathon in 26.2 Years)

I began starving myself around Memorial Day, 1994 - and running. I ran further than I ever had before, not even sure where I was going, uneducated on these neighborhood streets, from the house we had moved into seven or eight months earlier.

Carrying a Walkman, like a brick, in my hand, I would run for an hour, listening to The Downward Spiral.

Amplified Heart was released July 19, the week Toni and I fell for each other. We listened to this album over and over during a weekedn in NYC together in August. It is a powerful album, and a swan song for EBTG's light jazz of the 1980s and early 90s. Later I learned it was their first album after Ben Watt had almost died, so it was also a rebirth. From their 20s into their 30s, and presaging my own. Abandoning a facade of maturity, moving into true crisis, stripping affectation (see: 1992's Worldwide) embracing true adulthood, but also the joy of ever-present now.

1994 Playlist

- or -

"Amplified Heart" by Everything But the Girl
Rollercoaster

Troubled Mind

I Don't Understand Anything

Walking To You

Get Me

Missing

We Walk The Same Line

I love this tune.

I did not know this would be their last studio album. But as I had ceased practically all interest in Nine Inch Nails following The Downward Spiral, it is quite possible that had EBTG released another disc, I may not have gotten it. They were a band of my twenties, they helped define my twenties, moving from smooth post-mod pop jazz, to the accidental transition to club music with a very popular remix of Missing in 1995.

The dance remix of Missing is actually an improvement on the original, in the exact same way that the dance remix of Somebody That I Used to Know is not.

We met Tracey and Ben (as fans) after the only gig in Cleveland they ever played, during summer of 1996, promoting Walking Wounded. Maybe that should have been the end. But this album, pushing further into outright club music, was also right where I was at that time.  Hilarious. Low swinging torch music when I was still a kid, then bass and beats as I entered my thirties. I find it amusing that the same act composed both the instrumentals Crabwalk and Compression.

I still listen to them, I just don't think I would have been interested in what's next. For so many bands, you don't always want their new album. Maybe it is the feeling of disappointment when the new stuff pales in comparison to the past. Or maybe it is the fear that I do.

Temperamental - Everything But The Girl (1999)
Five Fathoms
Blame (172 bpm)
Hatfield 1980
Temperamental
Compression (175 bpm)

I ran only once last October. In November, I ran four times, mostly around Thanksgiving when I had time, not when I made time. I must improve on that. Running helps my knee, but it has continued to be sore, especially at night. I want that to go away.

Temperature: 62°
Distance: 3.25 miles