When the seasons change will you stand by me?

Lovely cool morning. We are having a dry season. Not a bad time for it, considering all the NA craft beer concerns which are popping up.

And we're home.

Aftermath 0123

Distance: 3.1 miles

Duration: 28:01
Pace: 9:04

It's taken four years, but I have finally completed the first season of Zombies Run ... which debuted what? Fourteen years ago? We've been through so much, and yet it is as relevant as ever. Isn't that charming?

Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 58°
Climate: light fluffy clouds
Mood: better

American Sign Museum

fall running playlist!!

Sweater Weather - The Neighborhood

Hide * - Rainbow Kitten Surprise

Mind Over Matter * - Young the Giant

Matchbox - Rainbow Kitten Surprise

Seven - Rainbow Kitten Surprise

Cough Syrup - Young the Giant

Almost (Sweet Music) - Hozier

Jackie & Wilson - Hozier

Whoever created this playlist really likes Rainbow Kitten Surprise. But it’s a playlist. Skipped the Backseat Lovers song, which begins as a ripoff of Across the Universe and swiftly degenerates into childish wailing.

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 173.2 lbs. (-0-)

Planks: yes
Push-ups: TBA

Sit-Ups: yes

I love you more than I have ever found a way to say to you.

Homecoming. For now.

Distance: 3.1 miles

Duration: 31:26
Pace: 9:40

Music From the Big Love (1994-2024)

For Your Lover Give Some Time - Original company of "Standing at the Sky's Edge"

How Far I'll Go - Auli'l Cravalho

Crosseyed and Painless - Angelique Kidjo

Wagon Wheel - Old Crow Medicine Show

Missing (Little Joey Remix) - Everything But the Girl 

The Luckiest - Ben Fold Five

Tightrope - Janelle Monae

Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 73°
Climate: partly cloudy
Mood: hopeful

• London (2024)
• Cleveland (2023)
• Cleveland (1996)
• Cleveland Heights (2022)

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 167 lbs. (+2.0)

Planks: TBA
Push-ups: TBA

Sit-Ups: TBA

Update: 3:00 PM, flashing in my eye, not sure which, started as small arc before expanding into a large "c" shape and then disappearing without my noticing it had gone.

Nobody said it was easy. Nobody ever said it would be so hard.

It has been nearly a week. I want this to end.

Distance: 3.1 miles

Duration: 29:21
Pace: 9:28
Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 73°
Climate: cloudy, clearing
Mood: sad

Music From the Big Love (1994-2024)

The Scientist - Coldplay

Calling All the Monsters - China Anne McClain

Do You Want To - Franz Ferdinand

Make Me Feel - Janelle Monae

Fantastic Mr. Fox AKA Petey's Song - Jarvis Cocker

Shenandoah - Rufus Wainwright

All Night Long - Peter Murphy

A Tale - Cirque du Soleil

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 165 lbs. (-0-)

• Cleveland Heights (2023)
• Cleveland (2000)
• Orlando (2000)

Planks: yes
Push-ups: yes

Sit-Ups: yes

I don't want to feel like we're apart a thousand miles.

I love to make her laugh. I love to hear it.

Distance: 5.9 miles

Duration: 55:01
Pace: 9:19

Music From the Big Love (1994-2024)

Before Today (Adam F Remix) * - Everything But the Girl

No Tomorrow - Orson

Fare Thee Well (Dunk's Song) * - Oscar Isaac & Marcus Mumford

My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark - Fall Out Boy

Hell You Talmbout - David Byrne

Life in Quarantine - Benjamin Gibbard

Rehbab  - "Glee" cast

Put Your Records On - Corinne Bailey Rae

Should I Stay or Should I Go - The Clash

Chaise Longue * - Wet Leg

Wait for It - Leslie Odom Jr.

Flathead - The Fratellis

Run On - Elvis Presley

Honeymoon Suite - Suzanne Vega

Magical Trevor - Mr Weebl

Winnie the Parakeet - Sherry Crane

What Makes You Beautiful - One Direction

Party in the USA - Miley Cyrus

Route: Forest Hill-Cain Park Loop
Temperature: 81°
Climate: sunny & hot
Mood: not great

• Cleveland (1996)
• Cleveland (2018)
• New York City (2016)
• Memphis (2000)

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 165 lbs. (-0-)

Planks: yes
Push-ups: TBA

Sit-Ups: yes

Remember me to one who lives there.

July 2, 2006: Four our seventh anniversary (wool) my wife got me five albums that had the word "wool" in them, either the artist or album title. She got me the "TOCA Race Driver 3: Official Soundtrack" It's the soundtrack to a video game, composed by Plastic Man & the Wool One. Pretty sweet.

Distance: 3.1 miles

Duration: 29:58
Pace: 9:39

Music From the Big Love (1994-2024)

Bandits (Live) - Josh Ritter

Doctor Who Theme (2005) - Murray Gold

Old Town Road - Lil Nas X ft. Billy Ray Cyrus

Wise Up - Aimee Mann

Girl From the North Country - Rachel Stern & Company 

Devil Doll - Roy Orbison

Hips Don't Lie - Shakira ft. Wyclef Jean

Dead Sea - Lumineers

This Land is Your Land - Sharon Jones & the Dap-Kings

Brimful of Asha - Cornershop

Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 81°
Climate: sunny & hot
Mood: coping

• Tucson (2023)
• Clearwater (2000)
• Memphis (2000)
• Chicago (2017)

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 165 lbs. (-0-)

Pain on the top of my right foot, around my right calf, in my right glute. All down my right leg.

Planks: TBA
Push-ups: yes

Sit-Ups: yes

The sweet, sweet songs that cloud your eyes.

Now reading:
Run the Song
(Writing about Running about Listening)
by Ben Ratliff

Monday was a very unhappy day, following a seriously anxiety ridden weekend. I cannot tell you how many ways I fucked it over the past several days, it has been difficult, difficult, difficult.

Monday night I had something like a nightmare, but not a scary one. A very, very sad one. I was in love with a very special person, and they did not love me. We talked, we flirted, we understood each other. I wasn't so fond of her at first but she was for me, but as our relationship grew I was just her very special person, but it was not to be. I woke many times that night and each time, no matter what else I had been dreaming of, I felt the heartbreak.

If I could put that into writing, I would have a very successful play, but maybe I've already written it and it didn't work. That's another kind of heartbreak.

Distance: 3.1 miles

Duration: 28:18
Pace: 9:07

Sophisti-pop Workout Playlist

Slave to Love - Bryan Ferry

World Machine - Level 42

My Ever Changing Moods - Style Council

Kiss and Tell - Bryan Ferry

Cue Fanfare - Prefab Sprout

Temptation (Extended Mix) - Heaven 17

Up the Junction - Squeeze

This playlist is a work-in-progress.

Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 61°
Climate: clear & cool
Mood: very anxious

God damn, what a day. Didn't sleep well Monday night, slept worse last night. Things keep not getting better. Family is good, health is good, friends are good. I need to be writing, then at least I could say, at least I'm writing.

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 162 lbs.

Good run, though. Beautiful weather. The leaves are turning. Reminds me of falling in love, all the times I fell in love ... and out again.

Planks: yes
Push-ups: yes

Sit-Ups: yes

When it rains it rains all the colors in my paintbox.

shadow combover

We rest. We read. We write. We breathe. We drink water. We plot. We scheme. We live. We love. We view. We cook. We dine. We try. We try so hard. We try so very hard. We tell our stories. We create.

Distance: 3.1 miles
Duration: 28:44
Pace: 9:16

We take the bus. If there is no reason to have a car available during the day, we take the bus. It has been the summer of bus. Takes twice as long as driving, but in that time I can read, or think. It’s better for the environment. It’s going that way, anyhow, why not get on board?

Route: Forest Hill Loop
Temperature: 73°
Climate: misty & light rain
Mood: all right?

We work. We make dinner. We pack lunch. We dine together. We talk. We watch TV together. We sleep well. It gets cooler, now the rains. The leaves begin to turn. The last official month of summer begins today. One more month, but it's already gone.

But that's okay. We like the the fall. Fall is for endings, but it's for beginnings, too.

Stretches: yes
Water: yes
Weight: 162 lbs.(-0-)

My right heel. Still. Tight, I do stretches, the first quarter mile is still so difficult, then it eases off. I need some PT, this just isn't going away on its own.

Planks: yes
Push-ups: yes

Sit-Ups: yes

155-164 BPM Playlist

Ballet For a Rainy Day - XTC

Black Star - Radiohead

Lost Track - Haim

A Bar Song (Tipsy) - Shaboozey

Giving Up On You - Wild Belle

Classical Gas - Mason Williams

She's Tight - Cheap Trick

Sleepless - Soul Coughing

Boo'ed Up (Remix) - Ella Mai ft. Nicki Minaj & Quavo

That's good bpm.

Open up the door.

We reach the end of another stay in the Barnstable. And what have we learned? Why, nothing. Nothing at all.

Six runs in Maine! Every other day. Do you imagine I will run on Sunday evening?

Distance: 3.5 miles
Duration: 32:18
Pace: 9:14

Yesterday we went on a puffin sighting cruise. Cool day, overcast, occasional, very light rain. Ideal.

I have been enjoying the fried things, yesterday I even had a lobster Reuben, which is just what it sounds like. Breakfast of fruit, granola, and yogurt keeps me honest.

Route: Martin Point Run
Temperature: 69°
Climate: sunny & beautiful
Mood: very good

We drive home tomorrow, a two-day journey for which I plan to do a lot of mental prep work for our teacher workshops on Monday and Tuesday. This happens far too often, I have to hit the ground running (as they say) the morning after I return from a vacation or expedition.

Stretches: 
Water: yes
Planks: yes
Pushups: yes

We have taken many vacations and expeditions over the past two years; the Southwestern train and desert trip, a transatlantic cruise, our journey across Spain, with jaunts to NYC and of course, right here in the cove.

And I'll tell you why. Because my mother died. Because there was a pandemic. Because our children are grown and we are celebrating them and also ourselves. And because we couldn't, and now we can.

It won't continue like this, it can't is is unsustainable, and we aren't getting any younger. But I am trying to remain young and alive, and treasuring the world while I am on it is going to be a big part of that.

BorderLight | Fringe Unleashed Playlist

World, Hold On - Bob Sinclar ft. Steve Edwards

You're the One - Kaytranada ft. Syd

Intimidated  - Kaytranada ft. H.E.R.

Back on 74- Jungle

Chihro - Billie Eilish

Another Night - Claptone

... and scene. "See you in the Heights."

Look up here. I'm in Heaven.

This is 50.

The week has been damp. A damp, foggy week. Not particularly cold, but absent the sun it feels cooler than it is. Nice to sleep with the windows open, with just a sheet. To listen to the rain on the roof. The dreams this week have been deep and faraway. Animals and adventures. No idea of what, where or when.

Today is my birthday. Please enjoy the new banner, incorporating a photo by Amy Arbus. We move on.

Prepared dinner last night, it was aggravating, there is no counter top at the proper height, I have to bend over to chop. Even in the car, running some errands during the afternoon, there was pain on my left side. I did exercises after dinner, resting overnight has quelled the pain, but it lingers.

I intend to do exercises every day. I have to do them every day. I do not wish to do them every day. I want the pain to stop.

Distance: 3.5 miles
Pace: 8:37
Route: Martin Point
Temperature: 68•
Climate: misty & cool
Mood: decent

Good run, brisk. Mornings you run into people you know! Mom was headed back from a walk in the woods as I hit the first hill, I passed my cousin Nathan on my way back from the turnaround just after Camp Evergreen. There's a little pain, but it felt good to move and to move swiftly.

Foggy, moody, breezy, nice. They say there will be a party this evening. I wonder if it will be indoor or out.

Exercises: yes, god dammit

Three years after we started dating, I gifted my (then) girlfriend with a cassette of songs commemorating our time together. I was unaware at that time that I had begun a triennial ritual.

Included were not just pop songs from the era -- songs we both liked, not just me -- but also clips from films we had seen together, scores from dance concerts or songs that were used in plays we had seen (not produced, but had attended together, in the audience.) They did not need to be contemporary, they could be from the past as long as they had relevance to us.

This worked well from 1994 to 1997, and from 1997 to 2000. But what happens when your life takes some unfortunate turns? When you lose a child or your nation is lunged into chaos? It turns out there are songs for that, too.

She received a new set of discs as we set out Saturday morning, and that was intense. So much loss. But also, so much life.

"We'll Figure It Out"
(Music From the Big Love 2015-2018)

Disc One:
Hello - Adele
Lazarus - David Bowie
Stardust (Live at Oberlin) - Dave Brubeck
While My Guitar Gently Weeps - Tom Petty, Jeff Lynne, Steve Winwood, Dhani Harrison & Prince
Wait For It - Leslie Odom Jr. & Company
Come To the Fun Home - Sydney Lucas & Company
Should I Stay Or Should I Go - The Cash
Hallelujah - Kate McKinnon
Immigrats (We Get the Job Done) -  K'naan, Riz Ahmed, Residente, Snow Tha Product, K'naan, Snow Tha Product, Riz MC & Residente
How Far I'll Go - Auli'i Cravalho
Careless Whisper (Live at Mountain Winery) - Ben Fold & Rufus Wainwright
COH-CAINE - Stilly Dan

Disco Two tomorrow.

Hurry, boy. It's waiting there for you.

The girl states the holidays have begun and now we must listen to Christmas music. I told her we have a baseball season to close first.

Last night we had lots of kids at the door for Halloween, it was a pleasure. Our children were across town, trick or treating with friends. The girl designed her own Benny's Burgers T-shirt so she could go as Eleven from Stranger Things.

Check #StrangerThings on Instagram. Some of the costumes are amazing, who knew there were so many Dustin trucker hats. Can't keep the David S. Pumpkins suits on the shelf, but there's all these red, white and blue trucker hats.

Let me say it again, she made that shirt. My daughter is a better artist than I have ever been, and that is a wild understatement. My son is already better at the drums than I ever was. And I never suggested that they do either of those things.

Distance: 3 miles
Route: Boulevard Loop

Brisk run, fast ... in spite of the moody music. All the emotions this season. The election, the World Series, the middle school. Work, play, plays. And yet, as a family we hang together very well. We spend so much time together, there is a lot of bickering, occasional shouting, but there's so much love here. I don't know how that happened.

Temperature: 52°
Climate: overcast and cool
Weight: 169.5 lbs (-0.5)
Goal: 165 lbs.
Mood: still anxious

This hat is too tight at times. Makes my head hurt. I need a different hat.

Stranger Things Playlist
Should I Stay Or Should I Go? - The Clash
Heroes - Peter Gabriel
I Melt With You - Modern English
Atmosphere - Joy Division
Waiting For a Girl Like You - Foreigner
Africa - Toto
White Rabbit - Jefferson Airplane

Those who run seem to have all the fun.

This tragedy isn't about me. But I am finding this year very difficult to take. It is as though all the doors of my life and closing behind me.

Distance: 5 miles
Avg Pace: 7:39
Duration: 38:15
Route: Boulevard-Noble Loop

For those who forget, it was (allegedly) the song Darling Nikki from "Purple Rain" that so scandalized Tipper Gore and motivated her to pressure her husband, Senator Al Gore, to hold congressional hearings to look into the deleterious effects of song lyrics on the minds of our young children.

Apart from having the opportunity to watch Frank Zappa make a complete ass out of our highest legislative body, the most significant result of the whole affair was that corporate music caved in and created the entirely arbitrary "Parental Advisory" label for records with questionable content.

The song Darling Nikki makes reference to masturbation. If Ms. Gore took the time to watch "Purple Rain" she may have understood the song in context, though it couldn't have made her any less uncomfortable. The Kid (Prince) is on stage performing at First Avenue and sees his flame Apollonia enter with his nemesis, Morris (and isn't Morris Day everyone's nemesis, after all?)

The Kid flies into a jealous rage and orders his band to change up the set, to perform that most lascivious of songs. He growls and whines and bumps and grinds and Apollonia gets what he's doing, and she's hurt and she leaves. Also, the manager of the club is pissed, but that's a different story.

The point is, The Kid was being a dick. He was wrong. We know he was wrong. But that was one part of the larger narrative.

The film "Purple Rain" was released the day after my sixteenth birthday. We listened to this album (and danced to it in driveways) and watched the movie on video over and over throughout my junior year in high school. The man made an indelible, unforgettable impression.

I learned many things from Prince, about the fluidity of sexuality, about passion and humor and humility. Grace and funk and just amazing music. How to love, and sometimes how not to love. And maybe even about God.

Temperature: 61°
Climate: warm!
Weight: 163 lbs. (-0-)
Mood: After 40 minutes running to Prince? Pretty good, actually.

All the hippies sing together.

Celebrating the one & only PRINCE @HamiltonMusical #RestInPurple #PrinceRIP pic.twitter.com/zbNB4veiYP

— G R E G O R Y (@ghaney22) April 22, 2016

Prince Playlist
CLOUDS
Starfish & Coffee
Take Me With U
Paisley Park
Mountains
7
Delirious
Erotic City
Love Song (w/Madonna) *

... what?

This is my road to my redemption.

Twenty years ago, one life ended, another began. On the surface, this departure may be obvious. It may appear facile to suggest that the sudden and complete collapse of a five-year relationship and recent first marriage represents the end of a "life" or that my current "life" is defined by the commencement of my relationship with the woman with whom I became romantically involved at that same time.

In fact, the loss of our first child in 2001 marked a much more significant change in my sense of self, redefined entirely what I feel is important or where my concentration truly belongs.

And yet. The near-nervous breakdown I had in early Spring was before my relationship with Toni began, and though that set the stage for what was to follow, I will not concede our "hooking up" to be the catalyst for the lines I was about to cross, in my personal relationships or in what at that point had most defined my professional and artistic career, Guerrilla Theater Company.

By the end of 1994, I was unsure as to whether I had a single friend in the world apart from her, nor exactly who I was going to be for the rest of my life. I had spent my life following people. I resented them for it, but that is where I chose to be, it is what I was used to. From that point on I began my uncertain attempt to take control, and to lead.

Lucky for me, I found someone who believes in me. Or more to the point, who I believe believes in me.

Temperature: 50°
Distance: 3.25 miles
Remember: Do not run on an empty stomach.

The air is moist before the dawn. The inferno on the horizon racing me towards home. Pam pam pam my feet hit the pavement pam pam pam. Pick ‘em up, put ‘em down, pam pam pam. Pam pam pam! PAM PAM WHOOSH! Light as a feather, heading for home, my toes barely touch the street, worry and fear and shame and doubt have brought me to this place, devoid of mass. Light as a feather, I fly home.

- from And Then You Die (How I Ran a Marathon in 26.2 Years)

I began starving myself around Memorial Day, 1994 - and running. I ran further than I ever had before, not even sure where I was going, uneducated on these neighborhood streets, from the house we had moved into seven or eight months earlier.

Carrying a Walkman, like a brick, in my hand, I would run for an hour, listening to The Downward Spiral.

Amplified Heart was released July 19, the week Toni and I fell for each other. We listened to this album over and over during a weekedn in NYC together in August. It is a powerful album, and a swan song for EBTG's light jazz of the 1980s and early 90s. Later I learned it was their first album after Ben Watt had almost died, so it was also a rebirth. From their 20s into their 30s, and presaging my own. Abandoning a facade of maturity, moving into true crisis, stripping affectation (see: 1992's Worldwide) embracing true adulthood, but also the joy of ever-present now.

1994 Playlist

- or -

"Amplified Heart" by Everything But the Girl
Rollercoaster

Troubled Mind

I Don't Understand Anything

Walking To You

Get Me

Missing

We Walk The Same Line

It feels like love, and it's all that we've got.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Tired. That's it, just ... tired. After this evening we will have completed our first full week of touring. Tomorrow is a day off, though I will be taking the boy to an 8:00 AM soccer game. But there will be naps and a general opportunity for sitting, thinking, talking, playing games and reading.

I am at that stage in a book where I am on a tear to reach the end. It is one of my favorite places to be.

Temperature: 27°

Pavement: snow snowy snow
Distance: 2.65 miles
Weight: 174 lbs.

Thank you to my wife, who encouraged me to get out into the snow. Happy Valentine's Day, sweetheart. You are amazing. I love you.

1987 Playlist

The People Who Grinned Themselves To Death - The Housemartins

Can't Hardly Wait - The Replacements

Like The Weather - 10,000 Maniacs

Big Time (Extended Version) - Peter Gabriel

Heartbreak Beat - The Psychedelic Furs

You're My Drug - The Dukes of Stratosphear

Your legs give way, you hit the ground.

We return to JJ, for additional guidance in managing anxiety and depression. Anxiety, of course, can stimulate one to act, which I have found very effective. It is in combination with depression that we get into trouble. I do not feel I have been depressed lately, at least not for maybe two months. No ass-dragging depression. Just anxiety. Constant anxiety. Relentless anxiety.

We had a date last night, the wife and I. We went to see There Is a Happiness That Morning Is at CPT. That was incredible, really enjoyable, emotional and outrageous and hilarious and ultimately satisfying.  The moment I walked in and saw the set I was filled with joy. And yet, there were moments when my thoughts flew away on a troubling journey of analysis.

About a half-hour in, after bringing her up-to-date on everything that has occurred in the past two or so years since out last session (by and large, there were good things to report) she asked me what makes me happy. I spoke before I even thought.

"Running," I said. "I love running." And then I started to tear up. "Running makes me happy."

Temperature: 50°
Climate: Bright, cool, perfect
Distance: 3.25 miles

So what keeps you from running? You say you are now running once a week, if it makes you happy, why only once a week?

The Annual Playlists are a major motivation to get out and run during the coldest months. Trying to get them all in before the end of April, for example. That's not me saying I want to run, that is a task to be accomplished, something outside of myself, a compulsion, even. And a satisfying one. It has a beginning, a middle and end. There is a celebration.

And then, transition. How do you handle transitions? Transitions are very depressing, aren't they? Even transitions from the planning to the execution, the waiting, it is time to fear failure, that you are a joke, that no one loves you. Until they all show up and everyone has a good time and you were a fool for doubting yourself.

I am in transition. Another transition. A big transition. We all know that. So. Running will help. How do we run more than once or twice a week? The wife helps, but she is not responsible for this on her own.

Keeping my kit clean, and folded and organized, that always helps. Lord, I hate having to search for my shoes.

We will meet again in two weeks.

Whenever You're On My Mind Playlist
Whenever You're On My Mind - Marshall Crenshaw
Save It For Later - The Beat
In The Street - Big Star
Ah! Leah! - Donny Iris
If I Didn't Love You - Squeeze
The Ballad of El Goodo - Big Star
If I Can't Change Your Mind - Sugar
Helpless - Sugar

Music for Summer. Music for nostalgia. Here we go again.