Friday, April 01, 2016

I'm not falling behind or running late.

I am the one thing in life I can control.
Ladies and gentlemen ... 50 Playlists for 50 Years.

2016 Playlist
Lazarus - David Bowie
Wait For It - Leslie Odom, Jr. & Company
Lime Habit - POLIÇA
Snakeskin - Deer Hunter
Cake By the Ocean - DNCE
Voices In My Head * - Bob Mould
Life On Mars? - Lorde & David Bowie's Band

One day soon I will write the Hamilton essay for Cleveland Centennial. I have avoided doing so because I fear the result will be a mess (so is independence) of half-completed thoughts based on all the million things I have been reminded of when listening to the soundtrack.

What is most significant about this moment in history is that this is the first time all four of us in my family have discovered the same thing at the same time. The girl is obsessed with it. We all conspire about getting an apartment in New York and trying the lottery every night until we've hit the number - twice - so we can all experience it at the Richard Rogers.

Each year I have this period in which I am running playlists from all the year I have been alive, and so I guess I compel myself to engage in a protracted assessment of my life, my decisions, the roads taken and those not. At the beginning of 2016 I was struggling to continue, feeling unhappy, getting older, unsatisfied.

The death of my father ended that for a time. No time to manufacture self-pity when you are hit with true emotions of loss and bereavement. Wednesday night the wife and I were talking about this and she said she noticed the change. Though I have been in mourning I am no longer dragging myself around. Life is too important, the work is too important, all these people around me are too important.

Wait For It is such a powerful song and the one I most relate to. Burr is strong and justified and so pathetically deluded. Expectation and legacy have left a man who never had parental guidance in a state of perpetual stasis. When he finally acts, it is empty and vacuous, and inevitably tragic.

I have often whined about having received no guidance from my father, and while I have also been ashamed at these emotions (he was, after all, right there, and emotionally present, all the time) it came as something of a relief to hear my brothers express the same sentiment, or to even read in the remarks of others my father's own concern that he had never done anything to move us along.

What can I say I have ever accomplished that wasn't in some way inspired by him? Not in spite, or in opposition, but because of his gentle example?

Distance: 4 miles
Route: Cain Park Loop

Mad run, dashing through freezing rain. Shorts, yes, am expecting my knees to be in pain shortly. Also, wore a hat and not a hat so my ears hurt. But damn, great playlist. What a journey. Many thanks to Fil for the Bob Mould suggestion, that thing has most excellent BPM.

To the girl with the mousy hair.
Lorde sang with Bowie's band at the Brit Awards on February 24, it was a tribute that I appreciated much more then Lady Gaga's performance at the Grammys. I actually think Lady Gaga did a wonderful job, an exciting, flamboyant, upbeat medley of Bowie's greatest hits. Totally acceptable. But I wouldn't bother watching it again.

Choosing Lorde to sing Life On Mars was an example of matching the song to the artist. I mean, Life On Mars could have written by Lorde. It wasn't a flawless performance, but it was perfect.

Climate: rain
Weight: 163 lbs. (-0.5)
Mood: not bad

New set of Nike Flight headphones arrived in the mail today. Why can I quit you? The model is continued but I can still find a pair at a reasonable price. The set I have been using produce a better sound but they don't stay in my ears and I am constantly futzing with the chord. These sacrifice just a little sound quality for convenience.

Putting in eight on Sunday. One guess as to what I am going to listen to.

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