Saturday, March 05, 2016

Today I feel the gray pulse in my head.

Forest Hill Park Swan
Almost six years ago, when I broke the news to my family over dinner that Harvey Pekar passed away, my son surprised us all by breaking down in tears. He had just met him at the pool a few days earlier. My son was five.

"I wanted to see him again!" he bawled.

It was the most simple, honest and heartfelt way I had ever heard to communicate grief. And it's what I have been coping with this week. After the celebrations, the dinners and memorials, sorting through clothes and writing eulogies and letters, I find myself driving the Shoreway or sitting at my desk or making breakfast and suddenly choking up and sobbing.

He was always here. Now he is gone. I wanted to see him again. Now I never will. Never again.

Distance: 3.65 miles
Avg Pace: 7:36
Duration: 27:45
Route: Forest Hill Loop

Just another less than satisfying Saturday afternoon, waking headachy, slouching about, napping ... I have been, continually, without enough sleep. I developed a neck strain and a tic in my right eye during the last week, the tic comes and goes, and the pain in my neck or shoulders.

Stress, to be sure. Unhappiness, sorrow coalesces into depression. A colleague suggests it is rest I need. But how can I rest when sleeping after dawn almost consistently gives me terrible sinus pain?

The wife says I need to see a doctor. It's allergies. It's dust mites.

I don't care. I just don't care very much. Not right now. Not about anything.

Temperature: 36°
Climate: cool with very light snow
Pavement: mostly dry
Weight: 163 lbs.

Amazing how a run can clear my head, clear my sinuses. Clean air, exercise. Filling my head with freshness. I did not want to run in the cold, I was looking forward to it getting warm again, which they say it will and shortly. But today the cold was just what my poor head desired.

I feel a little better.

1983 Playlist
Let's Dance (Extended Version) - David Bowie ft. Stevie Ray Vaughn
I'm Still Standing - Elton John
Church of the Poison Mind - Culture Club
Whenever You're On My Mind - Marshall Crenshaw
The Upstairs Room - The Cure
Talk About the Passion - R.E.M.
A Ray of Sunshine - Wham!

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